Burning
by fayegirl2017
Summary: How can someone who is losing everything comfort someone who never had anything to begin with? Erend/Aloy. May continue past the canon events of HZD. M rating for safety.
1. Chapter 1

He had never heard a more heart-wrenching sound in his existence.

The explosion had come first. Then the reports. Then the wail. He didn't know that an entire group of people could share such an intense sadness. But there he stood, listening the the Nora, sobs wracking the bodies of all of them.

It had been a trap, the "Proving". Someone had been watching, waiting for the next generation of Nora to fight for their futures, and then they had struck, cutting down all of the braves who had decided to fight for their recognition. No one had survived, they said. Not even the girl with hair like a sunrise. He felt his breath catch in his lungs, suddenly aware of a distant ache in his chest. For a moment, his eyes burned.

"She wasn't yours to mourn", he whispered under his breath. He shook his head, reprimanding himself. Maybe he was just sharing in the sadness of a generation cut down before its prime. Why was she the only one who came to his mind? He had been at the prayer ceremony, seen them all send their lanterns into the sky. But hers was the only face he could recall, the only voice he could remember hearing as he had wandered through Mother's Heart, waiting for the Sun-Priest to deliver his letter. He tried to convince himself that he only thought of her because she was the only Nora he had spoken to. It wasn't the way that she looked at him when he suggested that she visit Meridian, the cool tones of her voice as she told him that she had been alone all of her life, an outcast banished at birth. He tried to tell himself that she deserved to mourned by him, because no one else would do it. He stopped at the gate on the way out of the Embrace, by a patch of plants he knew to be healing herbs, with flowers nearly the same color as the Nora girl's hair. He quickly made a small circle of stones in the middle of the plants, and placed a blue bead he had picked up in town the night of the ceremony. A fitting memorial to her, he hoped. He convinced himself he did this because the wild would be the best place to remember her; she never belonged to people who now claimed the sadness that came with her passing.

It wasn't because he could have loved her.


	2. Chapter 2

He understood the pain behind the Nora cries that day now. There was a hole in his chest the size of a sister, and he had no idea how to fill it. He had tried fighting and that had only left him feeling emptier, hearing her voice criticizing his every move.

"You'll have to hit harder if you want to keep up with me, little brother."

"Come on, you didn't that coming?"

"Faster, little brother. He's going to get you."

He turned then to the only thing he knew would dull the pain: drinking. He spent more time at work than he did at home, and more time at the bar than he did at work. It was comfortable, and no one said anything to him. They had all seen her body, too. Before he did. They had all sat in the same room as the sound of a wounded man had clawed its way out of his throat. Nobody here judged him for trying to take his pain away; they were all trying to do the same thing. The bartender always had three of his drinks ready at the end of his shift and never charged him. She refilled his glass before it was empty, and made sure there was food at his table. He didn't want to eat, but she had convinced him that the food would just go bad if he didn't touch it. So he ate what he could stomach, but never more than he drank. He didn't want to feel anything.

He was on his way to the bar, walking past the bridge that led to the city from the encampment just beyond the gates. He was used to hearing the scrabbles by now; since his sister's murder the king had decreed that a hold be placed on entrance to the city. But this sounded...familiar.

"Ersa? You mean Erend's sister is dead?" Ersa's name stung his ears like a wasp. The voice at the gate soothed them like hintergold.

"How would you know his name?" No. It couldn't be her. She was gone, just like Ersa.

"I know Erend. Summon him. I need to speak with him." Fire and spit. It couldn't be her. She was gone. How much had he had to drink already? He walked towards the gate and saw a girl with hair like fire trying to get past the guard.

"Ha. I doubt that Erend, the new captain of the Vanguard, a man in grief, is going to waste his time on a grimy outlander -"

"Aloy!? I thought you were dead! Make way, make way!" He stumbled to the gate, waving the guard aside. Aloy's eyes met his, a mixture of sympathy and fury. For a moment, he felt whole. His thoughts sloshed around, mixed with all of the alcohol he had consumed at home, before making his way to the bar. "You came all the way to Meridian, just to see me?" the words came out more confident than he had thought they would. Maybe she wouldn't notice his inebriation.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked. She had seen right through him.

"Ah, not really," _lie._ "A little," by his standards, _less_ of a lie. _Change the subject,_ he thought. "So, you're alive! This is-" _take it easy, don't scare her away._ "We should celebrate! Drinks on me!"

She wrinkled her nose and sighed. Fire and spit, he shouldn't be talking to her. Not like this. The sympathy was falling from her face, being replaced by a combination of anger and impatience.

"We need to talk. Alone. And you need to pull it together." Suddenly his chest was gaping open again. He motioned with his head to a spot he thought would be private.

"Over there." They began to walk when the guard stepped forward again.

"So you approve?" _Idiot._

"Of course I approve! From now on, she may come and go from this city as she pleases!" he spoke loudly, somewhere in his mind thinking this would impress her. Of course, he was wrong. She didn't need declarations. She hadn't lived among people. Actions were all that existed to her.

"Now what did you want to tell me?" Her gaze changed again to sympathetic. His wound opened just a tiny bit more, paper cuts around the edges of a cannon blast.

"I heard what happened to Ersa. I'm sorry. I know she was important to you."

 _She was everything,_ he thought. _No, don't let her know you're wounded. She just lost half of her tribe._

"Special to me. Hell! Special to everyone! She always knew what to do. Bossed everyone around - she kept me in line." what would he do without her? "Now I'm supposed to fill her shoes. And instead, here I am, stumbling around in them." He felt his armor wearing away, the hangover creeping into his skull. He wasn't sure who he was when he wasn't drunk anymore. Her eyes fell to the ground for a moment, then met his, wet with whispers of tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"I lost someone, too. At the proving. The man who raised me. His name was Rost." Pain flashed across her face. The ache in his chest deepened. He'd take the pain from her, if he could. She didn't deserve this. Any of this.

"That's terrible," he slurred. Fire and spit, why was he drunk? "Why is it that every time something terrible happens… everyone else tells you the worst thing that happened to them, as though that makes it easier?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Why is that?"

"Anyway, there was something you wanted to tell me?" Her eyes filled with fury again. The ache in his chest deepened. He thought he might fall into himself if he couldn't fill it soon.

"A lot has happened since we last spoke. The Proving was attacked by a group of killers Not many of us survived."

 _I know,_ he thought. _I mourned you. Memorialized you._ "We were in the village when we heard the explosions, up on the mountain. Some of your braves came back, said that most of the contestants were dead". _Said that you were dead. I mourned you._ "I've never heard such a wail of grief as the sound that rose up from your people," _and then I made one myself, after seeing my sister's dead body._ "How did you survive?" Pain flashed over her features once again. Another paper cut.

"How I survived is less important than how I was targeted." For a moment, he was sober.

"Targeted?" he repeated. "What do you mean?"

"The killers came for me. Because of Olin." It felt like salt had been poured in to the hemorrhaging wound where his heart had been. Olin was his friend. What could she know that he didn't?

"What are you talking about? That doesn't make sense," he could hear the alcohol creep back in to his voice. He wanted to hide in the bottom of a glass. She continued, never flinching at his change of tone.

"I need to find Olin. I need to know what he knows." _Angry._ He was getting angry.

"But, he's a friend!"

"No, he's a traitor. I don't know who the killers are, or what they want, but I do know that Olin is working with them." Her anger matched his. Nearly overtook it.

"But I...this…"

She shook her head. She would win. "I don't need you to understand, Erend. I just need you to take me to him." _Ha. Lucky for Olin,_ he thought.

"He's not here. He went scrounging for scrap and relics days ago. Could be anywhere." Her eyebrows knit together in frustration.

"Are there any places he frequents? Places he returns to?" She was desperate. He could tell. He was too. He'd do anything to find out who murdered Ersa. And hammer to steel, he meant anything. Maybe even sell out a friend if he had to.

"A house," he gasped. "Here, in Meridian."

"Then take me there. I need to search it." Was he angry? He couldn't tell. Maybe he understood how she was feeling. Maybe he needed another drink so desperately he would do whatever she asked to speed things along.

"I guess. As long as I'm there to witness the search." Her eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment he thought she would challenge his condition.

"I need to see Olin's place. Now."

"Okay, okay. Come on."


	3. Chapter 3

He was hurting. She could see it. Rost never drank. She wouldn't know what drunkenness looked like if she hadn't watched the villagers from afar. She had seen the braves do incredibly _stupid_ things: jump through fires, shoot machine parts off of one another's heads, taunt watchers until they became angry enough to attack.

She had never seen someone try to cover up pain with alcohol.

She was worried. Worried that he wouldn't help her with Olin. After all, they were friends, right? But she knew Olin was behind the attack. She had to find him. He was the reason that Rost…

She was worried about Erend. His sister was dead. Brutally murdered from what she understood. And then of course she had shown up. Accused his friend of being the reason she was almost killed, of being the reason that Rost was dead. He agreed to help her, but she heard the hesitation in his voice. She couldn't blame him. After all, he barely knew her. He thought she had been killed at the Proving with the rest of them.

But still, he agreed to help her. He had taken her to Olin's.

She tried to get him to open up about his sister, about how he at yelled at the man in the street on the way here. But he didn't want to talk. He was becoming more raw, more aware every second he went without a drink, and she could see that. She uncovered the hatch in Olin's floor. She had seen the hurt flash across his face.

"Did he ever invite you in?" she had asked. He gave a long answer when the only necessary one was no. He told her she wouldn't be able to open the hatch.

"Oseram make", he had said, obviously proud of his people's work.

Well, the Oseram had never tried to keep an outcast from finding what she wanted.

They had taken his wife and child. Her heart hurt for Olin, for what he must be going through, but not enough to give up her hunt. She had found what she needed to track him down. She'd set out in the morning, give herself just a little time to rest. He asked how she could see things he couldn't, how she knew that Olin's family had been taken. She explained the focus as quickly as she could. She tried to leave.

He wanted her help. She wanted to refuse.

"That's your war, not mine." The words stung her lips the second they left. He was helping her track the killers who took Rost. How could she refuse to help him find his sister's murderer? He verbalized her thoughts, making her feel shame. Said that he would head to where Ersa's body had been found and wait for her. She made it sound like she wasn't decided on helping him, but she knew better.

"Don't make me beg", he said as he left. She felt her eyes moisten as he turned and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

*Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this story so far! It's my first fiction. I know it seems a little slow, but the setup is necessary to develop the story the way I have planned. I'm trying to skip as much of the dialogue and gameplay as I can, and create more backstory. Let me know what you think!*

She had given him hope.

Then, it had died in his arms. Aloy thought that she had seen Erend at his lowest that night on the bridge into the city. But she was wrong. Ersa had looked _so strong_ , but she couldn't withstand what Dervahl had put her through. She watched as Erend lost his sister, listened to him sob as she went through Dervahl's things, trying to figure out where he would strike. She had gone back up the stairs to wait for him, shaking her head at his men as they looked at her with eyes full of questions. Erend emerged some time late, carrying Ersa's body in his arms. His men were already working on putting together a makeshift stretcher to carry her back to the city on. She watched as they worlessley completed their task, laying down blankets and furs to pad the rough wood they had collected. The whole time Erend held Ersa in his arms, never making a sound. As he laid her body down gently, she saw a tear snake its way down his dirt covered face. As he turned to warm himself up by a fire another Vanguard had built, she made her way quietly outside of camp to a patch of tall grass. Once she was sure she was out of range of Erend and his men, she sunk to ground and _cried._

She heard her name in the camp nearly an hour later. She patted her face with some chillwater to hide the after effects of her tears and walked back into the camp, being directed to Erend by his men. She found him crouched by the fire, missing the heavy fur he had worn earlier. As she approached, she saw that the fur had been placed over Ersa's body, shielding her from the bite in the air. Aloy swallowed, despite the lump in her throat.

"We won't make it all the way back to Meridian tonight," he said. Aloy nodded, taking a seat next to him on the ground. The fire was warm, but she knew it was doing nothing to help the hole in Erend. She was familiar with the feeling, and had learned that nothing could fill the void.

"There's a high ground between here and the city," she said quietly. We can clear it out and make camp there for the night. Erend looked up at her, eyes bloodshot.

"We?" he asked. "You'll stay?" She looked down at the ground, her harsh words replaying in her head from the night they stood in Olin's home.

"Of course. I can't just leave you now. Two of your men won't be able to help fight on the road back. And I'm good at clearing machines. Besides, I have business back in the city. Doesn't make sense for us to -"

"Thank you, Aloy." Erend interrupted her, sensing her obvious discomfort. "For everything."

"Erend, I -"

"Let's move out, men," he said. He stood, not giving her time to apologize. He began to walk towards the gate, but paused for a brief moment to place a hand on her shoulder. She reached up, touching his fingertips lightly with her own. He shut his eyes, breathing out slowly. He withdrew his hand and walked silently towards the gate.

Camp had been easy to clear. Just a few stray watchers and a herd of grazers prowled the land. A few blast traps had taken them all out quickly, and Aloy scavenged the downed machines as the men set up camp. Erend watched her, leaning up against a tree the entire time. When she dropped the last machine heart into the bag at her waist, she drew her bow again, setting her sights on several boars, rabbits, and one turkey. She made two trips to carry the hunt back to camp, making sure she had enough to feed everyone. Erend wordlessly cleaned the kills, and the men set sticks full of meat to roast over the large campfire they had built in the center of the camp. One by one, they disappeared as the day grew later, until it was only Erend and Aloy left around the fire.

"The earlier we move out, the less likely we are to be caught in machine territory on the way back," she said quietly. Erend nodded once.

"Guess I better try and sleep then," he said. He stood, stretching his arms towards the sky before turning towards a tent. He turned around to wish Aloy goodnight, finding her curled up on the ground next to the fire. "Where's your tent?" he asked. Aloy sat up and turned to him, shrugging.

"I told Kip to set it up and to put Ersa in there for the night," she said quietly. Erend's breath hitched in his chest. "I'll just stay by the fire. I've slept in much worse conditions than this."

"No," he said firmly. "You'll use my tent." Aloy frowned.

"No, I won't. You'll be using it. You need the rest more than I do. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, sighing slightly.

"Aloy, I'm not in the mood to argue."

"Then don't. Simple solution," she huffed, laying back down on the cold ground.

"Aloy, _please,_ " he said, exasperated. "No one needs to sleep outside. Just come share the tent with me." She sat up, looking at Erend quizzically. "No big deal, nothing funny, just sleeping out of the snow." He offered her a hand and pulled her to her feet. Without thinking, she pressed himself against his chest, trying to wrap her arms around him for a hug. She felt him shudder, trying to keep himself from crying. "Thank you for putting the bod - letting Ersa stay in your tent," he whispered. Aloy nodded, gently taking his hand and walking towards his tent.

 _I wish you could have known her_ he thought. _I wish I could get to know you, too_.


	5. Chapter 5

He wished he could focus on the fact that Aloy had said she would stay.

He could only focus on the reason.

He wished that he could focus on the fact that _Aloy_ was in _his_ tent.

He could only focus on the fact that his dead sister was the reason for her being here.

She had pulled him to his tent, after finally giving in. It was a small victory in a lost war. He had been nearly choking on his own suppressed tears all afternoon, after drowning in them after Aloy had left the underground compound, leaving him to briefly mourn Ersa.

Now she was here, laying on the floor of his tent, playing with the device that had found his sister, scrolling through lists he couldn't see in the air. She had shed her armor upon entering the tent, piling it neatly and closely near to her. Underneath it all she wore a simple pair of brown leggings and an undershirt. She kept her boots on. Erend found this odd.

"All of your armor off, but not your boots?" he asked. She answered him without looking away from whatever information was floating in the air above her.

"I can carry my armor and run to a safe spot as long as I have my boots. I could do it barefoot normally, but in the snow, you never know what's lurking. Not to mention frostbite."

"Smart. Never thought of it that way."

"When you grown up like I did, you learn all the ways to be prepared at all times. I was chased through the snow plenty of times, threatened with fire or knives, even by machines." He shuddered. She was too young to know the pain of being hated, yet it read plainly on her face. He sat quietly next to her on the floor of the tent. _Fire and spit,_ he wanted a drink. He wanted to drink until he forgot the sound of his sister's last breath. He wanted to drink until he forgot she was dead. "You should rest," she said. "I told the Vanguard I would take my watch shift and yours, back to back. I know that today ... well, it was hard, especially on you."

"I can still take watch, Aloy," he said softly. She shook her head from side to side, tapping her focus to close what she had been working on.

"I know you _can,_ but you shouldn't. You should rest. You'll have a much bigger job when we get into Meridian. Anyway, I'm going to try to sleep for a few hours. My watch starts late." She curled up on her side, tucking her armor under her head like a pillow. "Erend, I'm so, so sorry about Ersa," she whispered. His throat was thick with grief, a few hot tears escaping his eyes and cutting trails down his cheeks. "She seemed so brave," she said sleepily. Erend nodded, wiping his face.

"The bravest person I've ever known," he sighed. If Aloy was still awake, she made no indication that she heard his response. He walked silently out of the tent, headed towards one of Nora make.

She looked so peaceful. Her face was bruised, blood had trailed its way from her ears down her neck, but she looked almost _happy._ For the first time in their lives, Erend had come to rescue her. Maybe she found it funny, maybe that's why she died with a smile on her face. Maybe because he had been accompanied by a woman. He almost smiled at this proposed explanation.

"Ersa, I -" a sob wracked him, stealing the words from his throat. He couldn't say it. Not yet. "You would have loved her. Aloy, I mean. She's so much like you. So strong. So stubborn. So much like you. I thought she was dead once. Ha, I guess like I thought you were. She's just … everything. Fire and heat and light. Like you." His tears were falling freely now, and he wasn't trying to hide it. "Ersa, I'm so damn sorry. Fire and spit, I'm sorry. If I had just looked a little closer, thought a little harder. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe I could've found you sooner. I'm so sorry." He stood, feeling the sister sized hole in his chest bleeding freely. He was raw, hurt, confused. What else could he be feeling? He needed to wake Aloy. It was almost time for her watch. He left the tent, headed back towards his own. The thought of her being in his tent warmed him a bit. He felt the edges of his gaping chest knit back together slightly.

Could he be feeling _love_?


	6. Chapter 6

He walked back to the tent, boots padding softly through the snow. He entered silently, finding Aloy fighting off a dream. She was covered in sweat, muscles tense and twitching. She was whispering words faster than his ears could hear them.

"Rost, no! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry!"

Erend's heart broke for her. He didn't know much about her, even less about the man who had raised her. But he knew what plagued her dreams. They weren't so different from one another. Even if it wasn't nearly time for her to take watch, he would've waken her, to spare her from a nightmare he was sure she had lived through a thousand times. He crouched beside her, gently shaking her shoulder.

"Aloy, wake up. Aloy. Aloy!" Before he knew it, he was flat on his back, his arms pinned at the elbows by her knees. She pulled his head back by his hair with one hand, and pressed a knife to his exposed throat with the other. There was no recognition in her eyes, only hurt and terror. He tried to overturn her, but she shifted her weight, making his attempt useless. "Aloy! Stop! It's just me!" he yelled. Her eyes flashed to his, and suddenly they were filled with remorse. She rolled quickly from his body, sheathing her knife in one of her boots. She stood quickly, staring at Erend.

"Erend, I'm so sorry. I was -"

"It's okay," he said. He had moved to a kneeling position, hands raised in an effort to calm the girl who could have killed him. "I shouldn't have shaken you, not when you were having a nightmare." She stiffened at his last sentence, eyes changing once again from remorse to stone. She knelt and quickly picked up her armor, backing towards the tent opening. Erend stood slowly, hands still held in surrender. "Aloy, are you okay?" he asked.

"I have watch," she said. Without putting on her armor, she ran from the tent. He crumbled to the ground, exasperated. _Boots,_ he thought. He had a feeling the Nora girl had other reasons for always making sure she was ready to run.

He feared he had just become one of them. Fire and spit, he wanted a drink.

Aloy ran.

She ran until she knew she was out of range, climbing a tree just beyond the borders of the campsite. Once she was on a sturdy branch, she began to put her armor back on, maintaining her balance at the same time. She had grown accustomed to this, often running from campsites during bandit raids or machine attacks.

She had never run away from a friend.

 _Friend._ Is that what she considered him? She liked being around him, when he wasn't drunk. She had liked not traveling alone, despite the terrible circumstances that meant traveling together. She liked the way his fingertips brushed her shoulder by the campfire. She even liked the way he smelled. A mixture of earth, Oseram brew and some sort of spice.

She didn't like that he had seen her having a nightmare. Or that she had tried to kill him. Or that she had run from him.

She tapped her focus, scanning the area surrounding camp. It was clear of machines, save for one Watcher. She dropped silently from the tree, sneaking out to a patch of tall grass near the Watcher. She whistled and the machine walked toward her. Once it was close enough, she stuck, overriding it with her spear. Satisfied, she walked back to camp, climbing back up to her spot in the tree. Her shift passed without event. She hung from the tree for a few minutes, stretching her shoulders before retaking her post.

 _Might as well hunt for the morning,_ she thought. She tapped her focus again, and she could see the purple outlines of the wildlife in the area. Two boars and a turkey, close enough to shoot from the tree. She drew her bow, nocking two arrows for the first boar. She drew and shot, hitting her mark. Two more for the second boar, then one for the turkey. She hopped down from the tree again and headed to collect her kills. She carried them to underneath the tree and crouched down to clean the animals. She heard someone approaching her and swung around, drawing her bow and nocking an arrow in one fluid movement. Her eyes met Erend's, then saw his hands raised at his sides, conveying friendliness. He half smiled at her as she lowered her bow, releasing her held breath. He chuckled.

"Twice in one night, huh?" he said quietly.

"Well, if you'd stop sneaking up on me, I wouldn't think that someone was trying to kill me," she huffed. "I've come to expect it." She returned to cleaning the boar. Erend crouched down beside her.

"I'm sorry," he said. She stared at him.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I ran. Like I said, always ready." He looked down at her hands, skillfully separating the boar meat from the bones.

"Want some help? I'm not going to be able to sleep, so you might as well say yes," he said, moving from his crouching position to a seated one. She laughed quietly.

"Sure," she said. He pulled the other boar towards him, pulling a knife from his belt. They worked in silence. Erend looked up at her periodically, and on one occasion, her eyes met his. She looked away quickly and in doing so jerked her hands, knife biting into the skin across her palm. She hissed sharply, cursing herself. Erend reached out for her hand, eyes concerned.

"Let me see," he said. She stretched out her arm, letting him inspect her palm. He pulled a small bottle from his belt, opened it, and shook several drops on to her hand. The bleeding stopped and he used a rag from his pouch to clean the area. Another bottle was removed from his belt and he smeared a red poultice across the cut, wrapping it with a fresh strip of cloth.

"Thank you," she said, pulling her hand back. Erend nodded at her.

"The least I can do," he whispered. "That's Ersa's poultice. Crafted it all by herself. Takes the pain away and keeps it clean. She taught it to me when she became captain. Said 'someday, little brother, this will be your job, and you better know how to take care of all the men who will follow you'. I didn't think it would come this soon," he dropped his gaze to his boar, and Aloy could see that his eyes were brimming with tears. She put her bandaged hand on his shoulder.

"You'll make her proud, Erend. I know it." She smiled at him softly, and he nodded.

"I hope so."

They went back to cutting meat for the morning silently. Aloy still felt the heat of his fingers on hers.

She could hear her heart beating.

Could he hear it, too?


	7. Chapter 7

The journey back to Meridian was uneventful. A few watchers, but Aloy took care of them swiftly, never even breaking a sweat. She led the Vanguard back, staying far enough ahead to scout, and close enough to come to the rescue if necessary.

Erend and one of the men carried Ersa's body on the makeshift stretcher, silent and stoic. He wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by the ground. He dreaded returning to the city. He didn't want to tell Avad what had happened, didn't want to recount the events leading to Ersa's death. He felt so _fragile._

He wanted a drink. He wanted more than just one, but anything would be a good start. He didn't want to feel.

They returned to the city without incident. Ersa's body was delivered to the palace, where she had lived. She would be kept here until he could return to the Claim, where she would be laid to rest. Erend spoke to Avad as long as he could stand, excusing himself to return home, where he could mourn his sister out of the public eye. Then to the bar, where he could mourn with his men and with drink.

It wasn't long before he saw of a flash of red hair coming his way.

 _Dervahl,_ she had told him. He was planning an attack on the city. She needed his help. He found himself thinking that he would give her _anything_ she asked for. They go to the workshop. The one he never gave a second thought to, the one she's telling him has been part of Dervahl's plan all along. He's going to kill him if they ever find him. He's going to tear him apart, piece by piece, for what he did to Ersa. He gets some of his men, the ones closest to him, the ones he trusts. They follow her, unquestioning. She had helped find their captain. They realize they couldn't have done it without her. _Erend_ realizes they couldn't have done it without her.

He is surrounded by darkness, and she is like a flame, leading him to safety.

There was so much blaze. Enough to take out a large portion of the city if detonated.

 _They pushed it out of window._

Everything had happened so fast after that. There was Dervahl, at the palace. Erend wanted nothing more than to rip him apart.

He heard the sound before he saw the machine. It felt like his skull was being blasted apart from the inside. Avad fell to the ground first, clutching at his ears, writhing in pain. Erend held out for only seconds longer, he yelled and covered his ears, falling to the ground. _How could a sound be so incapacitating?_ He lay there on the stone, eyes watering. Hoping death would be quick. How long had Ersa endured this torture?

She had always been stronger than he was.

He didn't know how long they had laid on the ground before the terrible sound stopped. He saw another flash of red, only stopping long enough to make sure they were alive. Then she was gone again, chasing Dervahl. He pulled Avad to his feet, escorting him to a safe spot. Then he was off, chasing after Aloy. Dervahl was a mastermind. She was an outlander. He didn't doubt that she was equipped to take him on, but he was sure the process wouldn't be easy. He slammed his fists into sealed gates, realizing he was too late and had already been outsmarted by Dervahl. It would be just Aloy against him.

 _Not her too,_ he thought.

Glinthawks. He called in glinthawks. He heard them fall one by one, blasts and arrows ringing through the gates. Finally, she had him. The gates opened. Erend rushed though, hammer raised. He was ready to kill Dervahl.

He was stopped. _He stopped._ Dervahl was taken away, to the cells. Erend was full of rage. He stood overlooking the city, thinking of all the ways he could have done it. Ersa would've killed him on the spot. But she had told him to grow up. He guessed that meant putting what he needed to do ahead of what he _wanted_ to do. He hated it. But he understood. Even though Ersa had been his sister, she hadn't belonged to him. She belonged to all of the Oseram, and they all deserved to have a say in what happened to Dervahl. He knew they wouldn't be kind, but he also knew that he would've been less kind than anything they decided.

She was there, next to him.

"You're a good captain," she had said. She smiled at him. Fire and spit, he wished she would smile at him more. Fire and spit, she was leaving.

"You know what? When we met, I thought I was a bigshot talking to a pretty girl hidden away in the middle of nowhere. Now I see that I was just lucky to get a minute of your time." She smiled at him again. _Stay._ He wanted to tell her. _Stay here._ But he knew she had to go. It hurt him, but this was a hurt he could handle, maybe even something good. "Try not to forget about me while you're out there changing the world." She shrugged, typical Aloy nonchalance entertaining him.

"I'll always have a minute for you. Maybe even two." His heart swelled in his chest, almost filling the void left by his sister.

"Two!? Ha! She likes me!" She smiled again, turning to make her way out of the city. Before he knew what was happening, she turned back around, pressing her hands against his chest and standing on her toes, planting her lips on his cheek. Then she turned and _ran._

If he ever saw her again, he was hiding her boots. Hammer to steel, he swore it.

***Thanks for reading this far, guys. This isn't my favorite chapter, but I needed to get these events out of the way! Let me know what you think so far! I'll be trying to update 1-2 times a week.***


	8. Chapter 8

After she left, Erend drank like it was his job. No one could blame him. Not his men, not Avad, not even Marad. His men tried to keep up with him, getting sick in the streets. He didn't show up for work and they covered for him.

Avad noticed. Erend was summoned to the palace one week later. He showed up still drunk.

"My friend," he said to Erend sympathetically. "I think it is time for our Ersa to return home." Erend felt like he was going to throw up right then and there. "I'll have your men ready to go in the morning. And Ersa." Erend's words were caught in his throat.

"Avad, I-" Avad held up his hand.

"Erend. It is time. I know how hard this has been. I know what you lost. I - I loved her too, Erend. She was … incredibly special."

Erend stared at the Sun-King for a moment. He had admitted to what he had already known. Ersa and Avad had been lovers. He wasn't sure if he was angry or more sad than he had been before. Suddenly sober, he nodded at the king, stiffening up.

"I'll be ready to leave. Thank you, Avad. And, I'm… sorry." he turned on his heel and left, waiting until he was safely in the city streets to sob.

Aloy felt like her world was falling apart. After leaving Meridian she had rescued Olin and his wife and child. She had learned of Eclipse and had begun to uncover their secrets. Olin said he had seen a woman who had her face through his focus… her mother?

She had to get to Maker's End. Her mother could be there. Waiting. What if after all of these years…

She wanted to push on further, closer to the place Sylens told her to go. But she was so _tired._ She made camp by the water, the sound of the water comforting her.

She thought of Erend often. It had been only a little over a week since she had left him there, overlooking the city. She hoped that he was okay, wondered if he had returned to the Claim to lay his sister to rest.

She hoped that she would see him again, that someday they would be able to sit down and just _talk_ Enjoy each other's company.

She doubted that would happen.

Voices over the ridge. _Great,_ she thought, _bandits. Exactly what I wanted._ She quickly doused her campfire, drawing her bow and sneaking to a vantage point on the ridge. She hid in the tall grass, hair blending in like she belonged there. She nocked two arrows, taking a deep breath. She tapped her focus, looking toward the source of the sound. Six figures, all purple, were revealed. _Not bandits, then._ She raised her hand to turn the focus off, when a name flashed across her vision.

 _Erend._ Her heart beat just a little bit faster. She deactivated the focus, standing and shouldering her bow. They were probably headed for the Claim, Oseram territory and Erend's home. She approached them, seeing that they were making camp. When she was close, she held her hand up, waving.

"Erend!" she called. His head shot up, eyes meeting hers. He waved back, a half smile on his face. She continued towards Erend and his men, happy to see a friendly face. Suddenly, all of the men were looking at her, drawing their bows, pointing them at her. She held her hands up, a universal symbol of peace. "It's me, Aloy!" Erend's eyes met her, and he yelled.

"Aloy, run!"

It was then that she made a mistake. She thought he meant to run _from_ them. She turned, and came face to face with a Stalker. The machine roared at her, a hideous mechanical sound, and lifted a giant leg to swipe at her. The paw made contact, and the world went black.

Erend's stomach rose up to meet his throat. He watched Aloy hit the ground in slow motion. He expected her to roll, rise to her feet and draw her bow.

She just lay there.

The machine raised its paw again, only to place it on her chest, lowering its face towards hers, roaring again. One of his men fired an arrow, making contact. The Stalker snarled, taking several steps back and going invisible. More arrows volleyed towards the beast, one tearblast finding its mark. The arrow exploded, removing the component that allowed the machine to go unseen. One of the men turned towards Erend, eyes full of fire.

"Get Aloy out of there! We can handle the machine."

He didn't have to be told twice. Dropping his weapons belt, he ran as fast as his legs would carry him towards Aloy. The Stalker directed its attention towards him, but was quickly distracted as his men lobbed fire bombs and arrows towards it. It was growing weak, sparking from its limbs and moving slowly. Erend kept his eyes on Aloy, hoping for movement. He reached her and slid to the ground, bile rising, threatening to make him sick. She was pale, blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. Her eyes met his, full of wild terror.

She was _awake._


	9. Chapter 9

There was no way to move her without hurting her. Erend knew it. He slid his arms under her body, lifting her as gently and as quickly as he could. She winced with the movement, and his heart broke. Ersa's face flashed across his vision and he almost dropped to his knees. _No._ Ersa wouldn't want him to fall like this. _Be better_ , she would've said. Erend ran. He ran towards the camp, hugging Aloy close to his chest. He heard the hissing and squealing of the nearly demolished Stalker behind him, and the _thud_ as it dropped to the ground. Erend's men continued to throw fire bombs at the machine, only stopping when all of its lights had been replaced by carbon and smoke. When they turned back to camp, all they could see was Erend hunched over, presumably over the small, red-headed huntress.

Erend's stomach continued to threaten rebellion. He lay Aloy down as gently as he could on the closes available bedroll, not caring which man it belonged to. _Fire and spit,_ she was so small.

His hands moved to the belt on her hips, searching for her hintergold potions. Her fingers pointed to a pouch, trembling. He pulled the little bottles out, dropping them on the ground. His hands were shaking. He pulled the cork from one of the bottles, gently tilting her head up, pouring the potion into her mouth. She winced as he put her back down. Her breathing was shallow, labored.

Erend didn't know what to do. He had seen men die, he had been shot at, stabbed, held his own sister when she died. But in this situation, he was at a loss. He wasn't gentle. He had never been gentle. He was strength and protection, hammer and steel. She was wire and willow, meant to be handled delicately, and even more so in this situation.

"Erend," she rasped. He was pulled back into the moment by her small voice. He looked back down at her, scared. Blood still trickled from her mouth, and the color wasn't returning to her face. "I can't breathe," she said. Her fingers fumbled with the front of her armor, the clasps bent, digging in to the delicate skin beneath. He brushed her fingers aside, snapping the metal like it was nothing. He pushed the vest open, back towards her shoulders. He glanced at her skin and nearly threw up. A dark bruise was blossoming from beneath the band that covered her chest, spreading down towards her navel. He swore, throwing off his helmet and running his hand through his hair. He heard the sound of his men rushing towards him.

"C-captain," one of them stammered. Erend held his hand up, not wanting to entertain the thought of the question that was about to be asked. He uncorked another bottle of hintergold, holding it to her lips. He lay her head back down gently, making a decision.

"We need a stretcher," he said. He watched her chest rise and fall, her eyes closing slowly as she drifted away. It was better that she be unconscious.

"Boss," one of the Vanguard said. There's already two of us carrying Ersa. "Another two and -"

"I never said any of you would be carrying her, did I?" he snapped. I'll take her myself. Just build a stretcher, got it? We continue on to the Claim. So hurry up." His men nodded silently. They scattered, finding what they would need. Erend stared down at Aloy, reaching a hand out to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face. His chest felt like it was gaping open, and he had to reach up to make sure the Stalker hadn't gotten him without noticing. His gambeson was intact, but he still couldn't shake the feeling.

"Stay with me," he whispered. "I can't lose you, too."

He stood, watching his men work together to build a stretcher. The journey to the Claim would be tougher now, but he promised himself that he wouldn't slow anyone down. For Aloy's sake, he would only try to move faster. He was strength and protection, and she needed him. Ersa had needed him, and he was too late. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.


	10. Chapter 10

Her chest _hurt._ She woke up trying to gasp for air. It felt like she was suffocating. She tried to push herself up, but was met with a cold hand pressing her gently back down. She reached for the knife she kept at her side, but found nothing there. It was then that she looked around and became alarmed. She was surrounded by walls she didn't recognize, meeting the eyes of a woman she didn't know. The woman was putting steady pressure on her shoulder, trying to push her back down. Aloy wanted to struggle, to fight against the woman, but the ache in her chest and side was getting more intense with each passing second. Finally Aloy relented, sinking back down into the bed she was laying on. The woman smiled gently, and Aloy relaxed a little.

"Where am I?" she asked. The question took more effort than it should've, and she once again found herself gulping down air.

"The Claim, child. And lucky to be here too. Much longer and I don't know how you would have fared. He was smart to bring you here. Seen plenty of men get crushed by a boulder, know what those broken ribs look like. Doubt any of the idiot Carja healers would've known what to do. If its not a burn they are useless. Your injury would've likely sealed your fate. Good thing Erend had the mind enough to bring you to me. Now, would you like to sit up so I can get a good look at you?" Aloy's mind raced. Where was Erend? She pushed herself into a seated position, grimacing as she felt the aching in her chest deepen. She looked down at her body, more bruise than skin. She activated her focus, scanning her torso. Six broken ribs. Bruised lung. Bleeding, stopped now. She was lucky.

She was stupid. How had she allowed herself to be taken by surprise?

She was brought back to the present by the woman prodding her ribs. She inhaled sharply, pulling away from the woman's fingers.

"They're broken," Aloy said. "Six of them. Bruised lung. The bleeding has stopped." The woman looked at her, at mixture of annoyance and awe flashing across her features. Aloy took a breath, smiling. She tapped the device at her temple. The woman nodded.

"I figured as much," she said. "Doesn't help you heal, though. You'll want to listen to me for that. And that means taking it easy. I'm Helne, by the way."

"Al-" her introduction was interrupted.

"Aloy," the woman said. "Couldn't forget it if I tried. Erend's said it more times the past 4 days than he has words in his vocabulary. Wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't leave me the hell alone," she said, a hint of amusement creeping into her voice.

"Where is he?" Aloy asked. Helne smiled.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to ask. Could see it on your face the moment you woke up. He's at home. Finally kicked him out last night, he hadn't slept since you all got here. He looked terrible. Wasn't making sense, wasn't eating. Told him he would just add to your distress if you woke up and he looked like death." Aloy's heart ached.

"Four days? I've been out for four days?"

"You've been out a week. Three days to get to the Claim, four days in this bed." She began to push herself out of bed, swinging her legs over the side.

"I need to see him," she said softly. She stood, finding her legs weak and her body unbalanced. Helne tried to stop her.

"You need rest, Aloy. You're lucky you didn't die." Aloy looked at her defiantly.

"I need to see Erend. I need him to see me." _I need him to be okay._ "Where is his home?" Helne shrugged. "Five doors down. Your clothes are in the corner. Be careful." Aloy smiled and nodded at her. Helne turned and walked out of the room. Aloy slowly made her way to the corner, Pulling on her clothing and her boots. Everything hurt. She pulled the door open, grimacing with the pain it caused her ribs. Taking as deep a breath as she could, she stepped out into the cold, and came face to face with one of the Vanguard.

"He wouldn't want you out of bed, you know?" Aloy smirked.

"I've never really been one to do things just because someone else wants me to. Now, you can either take me to him, or I can try and get there myself. I'm less likely to collapse if I'm with you," she cracked a small smile at the man, trying to keep her breathing even, to ignore the burning pain in her side. The Vanguard shrugged.

"Well, we wouldn't want that, would we? He's already made himself sick over you, why twist the knife?" he started to walk off towards a house a short way away from where they stood. Aloy felt a strange sensation creep into her stomach, a mixture of remorse, fear, and something she couldn't quite name. She slowly walked after the Vanguard, willing her legs to not give out. Several feet from the door, the man turned and stopped, waiting for Aloy to catch up. She was embarrassed, both by how long it took for her to do so, and how many people she could feel watching her. She reached to knock on the door, only to find her way impeded by the man who had lead her there.

"He's been through Hell, Aloy. A lesser man would've been broken by now. And even he is walking the edge of the cliff. He doesn't need anything else to worry about." Aloy straightened herself out, trying to make herself more intimidating. She didn't like this conversation.

"I'm not here to hurt anyone," she stated. The man scoffed.

"Ersa wasn't out there to get herself killed," a slap may have hurt Aloy less. "He's our captain. We need him. Hammer to steel, if you hurt him, know that all of the Vanguard will be on his side. And we don't take kindly to threats," he turned and left, not waiting for a response. Aloy took as deep a breath as she could muster, hand reaching shakily for the door in front of her.

She knocked, and heard someone stir inside.


	11. Chapter 11

He pulled the door open slowly, sure that it was one of his men, asking him to come eat or telling him that Helne said Aloy was looking "good". Surely it was the sun giving the appearance of red hair. It couldn't be her standing there.

He was so _tired._

Her voice snapped him back to the present.

"Erend," she whispered. Was his heart breaking or growing? He couldn't tell. "I'm so so _sorry"_ she whispered. She nearly brought him to his knees. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, to tell her she was safe and never needed to be sorry.

But she was so _fragile._

"Aloy," he choked. "You're alive." she smiled at him, the exhaustion in her eyes not going unnoticed.

"Alive, awake and intact. Thanks to you. Erend, I-"

He interrupted her, not ready to hear another apology. "Come in and sit down," he said, stepping aside. Aloy did so slowly, still not feeling like her legs were completely owned by her body. The pain in her ribs was getting worse, and she wanted more sleep. She looked around his home, surprised by the amount of decoration. He motioned to a chair. She sat down gingerly, wincing.

"I'm surprised Helne let you out of her sight," he said. Aloy stared at him for a moment. He looked terrible.

"I didn't exactly ask her permission," she said quietly. His eyes snapped up to hers, frantic.

"She didn't release you!? Aloy, what are you doing here? What if you're still bleeding on the inside? What if something's broken? You-" Aloy slowly held up her hand, trying not to jar her already aching body.

"Erend, I'm going to be fine."

"You could have DIED!" he yelled. She shrank back in the chair. Erend ran his hand frantically through his hair. It was shaggy, unkempt. Aloy dropped her face into her hands. Erend sank to the ground in front of the chair she was sitting in. "I thought you died," he sobbed. Aloy didn't know what to say. All she could do was reach out her hand and run it through his hair. He reached up, his hand coming to rest on hers.

"Erend, I'm-" he held his hand up, interrupting her.

"Don't say sorry again, Aloy. Don't. I can't hear you say it again."

"I'll go back to Helne's." Erend sighed.

"Would you - I mean, if you wanted you could, stay here?" he looked up at her, eyes tired.

There was that strange feeling in her chest again.

"I really wouldn't want to impose any more than I already have, Erend. I can go back -"

"Aloy," he interrupted. "Stay. Please. There's a spare room, plenty of firewood, and I've cooked too much food to eat by myself. You'll be more comfortable here than at Helne's."

Aloy looked into Erend's eyes. He was exhausted. Was he asking her to stay for her? Or was it for his own peace of mind? Either way, she owed him. He had saved her life.

Or at least that was the reason she told herself she would stay.

She nodded, still staring into his eyes. Relief flashed across them, replacing for just a moment the exhaustion she had seen. He stood, holding a hand out to her. She accepted, and he gently helped her to her feet. "Let me show you your room." Aloy nodded again. They walked slowly down a short hallway, Erend still holding Aloy's hand. He led her to a small room, well-furnished and warm. She hadn't realized how cold it was in the Claim, and she was thankful to see a small fireplace tucked into the corner of the room. The bed was covered in furs, and Aloy couldn't help but think of how her bed in Rost's home was always made in a similar fashion. She turned to smile at Erend, who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"It's not much," he said. "But it will keep you warm, and more comfortable than the cot you've been sleeping on."

"It's wonderful, Erend. But am I taking the room from someone else?" he shook his head slowly.

"Never had anyone stay here," he said quietly. "Ersa used to tease me. Said 'you know, if you plan on marrying someone, they usually sleep in the same bed as you'. Laughed every time she came over. Never stayed here herself, just came over to check on me." Aloy felt a strange sensation creeping into her chest and throat. Had Erend been _married?_

"So your wife never stayed here?" she asked. The loudest laugh she had ever heard burst forth from Erend's mouth.

"Wife!? Haha, she thinks I was married! Must be better looking than I thought!" Aloy smiled. Erend wiped tears from his eyes. "Nope, never been married. I've lived here by myself anytime I've stayed. So, uh, sorry if old habits die hard." he smiled again, and Aloy found that she liked this expression much more than the worry she had seen earlier. "Now then, are you hungry?" Aloy realized that she hadn't given much thought to this since waking up. She moved a hand to her stomach, feeling it growl. She smiled back at Erend.

"Starving."


	12. Chapter 12

She was full, warm, clean and safe. All things she thought she had lost when Rost died. She was comfortable, besides the pain from her healing injuries. She had a roof, a room and a bed.

So why couldn't she sleep?

Every sound being made outside of Erend's home, every breeze drifting through the walls was keeping her awake. She was more at ease outside, under the stars, surrounded by machines that could kill her at any moment.

She was so tired.

She didn't sleep at all. She heard Erend wake up several times throughout the night, gasping, waking from dreams she was all too familiar with. She wished that she could comfort him.

She knew she couldn't. She couldn't be comforted, and she knew that Erend was feeling the same things.

He got up during the night and Aloy heard him walk to the kitchen. She sat up, pushing the heavy blankets off of her slowly, holding her breath to avoid hurting her chest. She walked slowly down the hall, stopping around the corner from the kitchen.

"Can't sleep?" she asked softly. Erend turned around, smiling sadly at her.

"I see you can't either."

"Haven't been able to since the Proving. At least not well. Just enough to keep going. If that Stalker hadn't taken me out, I probably would have dropped at some point."

"Not funny," he said.

"Wasn't joking," she said back. Erend sighed.

"We make her tomb tomorrow," he said. Aloy sat in one of the chairs at his table. He filled a kettle with water, hanging it over the fire pit in the middle of the room. She looked at him quizzically.

"Make?" she asked. "Out of what?" Erend turned to her, pulling a necklace from beneath his shirt. A pendant hung from it, a small piece of a dark stone. He sat down across the table from Aloy, holding the pendant up.

"Oseram children aren't named until they're a year old. Our territory is harsh, cold. Not all children make it to a year. Those who do are more likely to survive. So, on the anniversary of our first year, a naming ceremony takes place. After we receive our names, we are placed within a circle of stones. The first one we touch, the one we are drawn to, is the type of stone we are to be entombed in when we die. Our healer makes a necklace out of the stone, and we wear it until our death. Mine's obsidian. Ersa's was granite. So tomorrow, we dig through the rock to make her a place to rest. Tomorrow, her journey finally ends." The kettle whistled, and Erend stood up. He poured the water into two stone glasses, followed by a small bag of what Aloy assumed were herbs. He slid one of the glasses across the table to her and sat back down.

"That's… beautiful," she said. Erend smiled sadly.

"It's what she would've wanted. Avad wanted her buried in Meridian. She would have HATED that idea. Would've haunted me for sure," he laughed. Aloy took a sip of her tea. It was soothing, minty and earthy. "Helne made this for you. Supposed to help with pain. Hope you don't mind me stealing some. The path here wasn't easy without you. Those machines are… tougher than you make them look."

"I don't mind at all," she said quietly. "Thank you, Erend. For everything. If you hadn't been there to save me, I-"

"You would have made it. You would have found a way," he said. The thought of not being there to save her caused Erend more panic than he cared to admit. _Change the subject,_ he thought.

"How do the Nora lay their dead to rest?" he asked. _Idiot._ Aloy looked at him, a hint of amusement creeping into her gaze.

"I have no idea," she said.

"What?"

"Outcast," she said plainly. "I was never allowed to take part in any of the Nora rituals. Not naming celebrations, birthdays, funerals. Nothing. It was always just me and Rost." Her words made Erend's heart heart.

"What happened to Rost? His body, I mean." Aloy stared down into her cup.

"Teersa told me… she said that there wasn't much of his body left. She told me that they buried him at his - at our cabin. I haven't been back since the Proving. But he died an outcast. For me. I'm certain there wasn't any tradition involved in his burial. Teersa broke the tribe's rules just by putting him in the ground." Erend watched a single tear roll down her cheek and into her tea. He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. It was like she was a live wire, sending electricity into his arm.

"He would've been proud of you. So proud." He brushed his thumb over her knuckles, not knowing how else to comfort her. She smiled at him.

"Thank you." She took another drink of her tea, never pulling her hand from Erend's. "Are other tribes allowed to take part in Oseram burial rituals?" she asked. Erend nodded.

"You'll find that the Oseram are… kinder than the Nora. More open to others. We are good to those who are good to us."

"Can I help with Ersa's tomb?" Again, he felt the hole in his chest fill just a bit more.

"Absolutely," he said. "As long as your ribs are up to it, I can't think of anything that would honor her more." He watched Aloy's face light up, eyes sparkling. Fire and spit. How could someone's eyes make him feel like this?

"Thank you. Erend, thank you."

"Don't think I've ever heard that so many times in my life! I could really get used to it!" he laughed, shoulders shaking. Aloy laughed too, wincing from the movement.

"Well, I can't let you get used to that! Guess it's time for you to owe me something," she said. _I owe you my life,_ he thought. He couldn't help but think it was the first time he had seen a genuine smile on her face. She stood up from the table, downing the last of her tea. "I guess we had better try and get a little sleep. Digging through rock is no easy task. Goodnight, Erend. You've been… a big help." He stood up, walking towards her, stopping directly in front of her. He reached his hand out slowly to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Goodnight, Aloy. And thank you for… for wanting to help with Ersa. It uh, it means a lot to me." She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She turned, walking down the hall to the room she was staying in. Erend wanted to kick himself. _Missed your chance, idiot._

He walked to his room, hoping that sleep would find him. He couldn't help but wonder if it would be easier with her sleeping by his side.


	13. Chapter 13

Aloy crawled into the bed, piling the blankets on top of her body, finding the weight comforting. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. And she was terrified. She couldn't feel this way about Erend, not now. Not when there was so much she still had to do. Not when he was still so fragile. She had seen him after Ersa was assumed dead. And after she died. She couldn't add to his heartbreak. Even if it meant hurting herself to walk away. She knew there was a good chance that she would die. She had resolved herself to that. But she wouldn't put another person through the pain of losing her. Especially not Erend. He deserved better.

Erend deserved someone who would be home for him. Someone who wouldn't leave. Someone who wasn't always waiting for the next opportunity to run off, chasing down hope.

He deserved someone who wasn't afraid.

Exhaustion finally took her, sending her to a dreamless sleep. She woke to the sounds of Erend in the kitchen. She pushed herself out of bed, pulling on her leggings, wrapping her ribs tightly, and sliding her tunic on. Before walking down the hall, she pulled her boots on. Erend smiled softly at her when she walked into the kitchen. There was already a cup of tea on the table, waiting for her.

"Did the tea help you?" he asked. Aloy nodded as she pressed the cup to her lips.

"I was able to sleep. That was good. I feel okay. Better than yesterday." She took another sip, the warmth heating her chest. "How are you holding up?" Erend stiffened, keeping his back to her.

"The tea helped," he said. He went back to cutting some kind of vegetable, not saying anything else. They sat in the silence for what felt like hours, only the sound of Erend's knife permeating the air. He eventually set two plates down on the table, one in front of Aloy. Hard boiled eggs and an orange vegetable she had never seen. She picked a slice of one up, popping it in her mouth. It was crisp and flavorful, but mellow. She held one up, looking quizzically at Erend. He laughed. "Carrot," he said. "It's a carrot. You tame machines, survive an attack on your life, and don't know what a carrot is!? She does have flaws!" Aloy threw the piece of carrot she held at Erend, hitting him softly on the cheek. He laughed even harder, and Aloy found herself chuckling softly with him. He watched her laughing, wishing that they could stay in this moment. The sun peeked through the clouds that covered the Claim, filtering through the small window in the kitching, igniting her hair. He couldn't help but stare as she she smirked at him, noticing the way her nose wrinkled, how her eyes sparkled, and how her freckles fell in all the right places across her face.

How he wished this was the way things could stay.

A knock at the door snapped him back to reality, raw and bleeding. He was silent for a moment, still staring into Aloy's eyes, her expression changing as she recognized the sadness filtering across his features. Another knock and he stood, walking across his home to the door. He opened it as the member of the Vanguard standing on the other side was preparing to knock again.

"Captain," he said. "Helne said we need to head out soon, if your plan still stands." Erend nodded.

"We will meet at the gate in 15 minutes. Gather everyone." He closed the door as the man turned away. Aloy stood from the table, downing what was left of the medicinal tea.

"Plan?" she asked. Erend turned to her, smiling sadly.

"Tonight, just as the moon rises, would've been Ersa's birthday. If anyone deserves the perfect sendoff, it's my sister." Aloy didn't trust herself to speak. Erend's dedication to his sister was beyond what she would've imagined when she met him.

"I need my things," she said. Erend nodded, eyes shimmering with tears he refused to let fall.

"Closet in your room. We have 15 minutes. Are you sure you're up for this?"

"Positive", she replied. She turned and walked down the hall, turned into the spare bedroom and pulled her gear from the closet. She pulled her armor on, carefully clasping it together. Only after she was fully dressed did she realize that her gear must've been repaired while she had been at Helne's. She turned around to find Erend, only to see him waiting for her just outside the door.

"Everything fits okay?" he asked. Aloy smiled at him, nodding.

"Seems like no matter how hard I try, I just keep falling more in debt to you. How many shards do I owe you for this?" He shook his head, turning to walk to his room.

"You found my sister," he said. "I'll be working on repaying you for the rest of my life."

She had to focus on her breathing to keep from crying. She pulled her bow across her back, walking towards the door. She reached up to Erend's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Let's get going," she whispered. She refused to let herself say anything more, already planning her next move. She had to keep going, keep moving towards her answers.

Erend turned and walked towards the door, pulling it open and walking outside. Aloy couldn't help but think he sensed the thoughts running through her head.

If he asked her if she was okay one more time, her head was going to explode. She wasn't okay, not by a long shot. Her chest burned and she could feel her lungs pressing painfully against her ribs. No breath was deep enough for her to fill them to capacity, and she was doing her best to disguise the fact that she felt like she was drowning in the open air. The walk to Ersa's burial site had been longer than she had anticipated, and in traditional Aloy fashion, she felt the need to pull more than her weight. She had helped carry Ersa, cleared the way of machines, and ran ahead, scouting. And every chance he got, Erend was there beside her, hovering, asking how she was doing.

"I'm fine", she said over and over again. Each time Erend nodded, said "just a little further", and watched her as she hurried away. He sensed her annoyance, but knew that she was hurting. He had never known anyone, Ersa included, who could push through pain like she was. He wanted to tell her it was okay to stop, okay to take a break, to not always be the lead. But he knew his words would fall on deaf ears.

She was a fire. Burning.

One of the men up ahead signaled. They had reached their destination.

A tear rolled down Erend's face.

"Well, Ersa. Looks like we're home."


	14. Chapter 14

He swung his hammer over his head for what felt like the thousandth time, striking the hard stone beneath him yet again, chipping away a small amount. His muscles groaned, his bones threatening to drop him to the ground. They had been at this for hours. The rock was unforgiving, unyielding.

How fitting that such a stone would house Ersa's bones until the end of time.

Aloy watched as he swung again, braced himself for impact, made contact with the rock. He and the rest of the vanguard were making little progress, and Aloy could see why. She had taken a swing at the rock herself, much to Erend's dismay. The impact of the pick on the stone had caused her to turn and run, finding a spot far away from the men to cry and vomit. Erend didn't follow, much to her relief. She had returned to find the men hammering away, trading out hammers and picks to shake out their arms and rub their hands. She felt each blow reverberate through her chest. She sat on the ground several feet away, crafting arrows. When it was his turn to swap out, Erend joined her.

"That rock is as stubborn as she was," he said. Aloy smiled at him, holding a flask of water out to him. He took a long drink, handing it back to her. "Too bad there's no way to blow a hole in it. That'd make this part easier." He looked up at Aloy, who was smiling brightly at him, eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"I thought you'd never ask," she said. He looked at her quizzically.

"What do you -" Aloy stood quickly, tapping the strange device at her temple. She ran out into the field behind the rock site. Erend walked to a good vantage point, watching her. She dipped low to the ground, walking through the tall grass that shared its color with her hair, and made her way over to a Charger. He heard a whistle and saw the machine walk toward the grass. His heart pounded in his chest, fearing that the machine would find her too quickly. She was still wounded, not the woman who normally hunted these creatures. His fear was not recognized, as he heard a faint whirring emanate from the grass, then saw Aloy, salvaging the machine, dropping parts in the various bags at her hip. She came back to Erend, grinning, holding up a machine part for him to see.

"Sparker," she said. "Rig it up right and that rock won't be a problem anymore. Give me about an hour." Erend nodded, smiling slightly. He whistled at his men, who dropped their hammers and started to build a fire. Erend sat on the ground once the fire was built, watching Aloy as she made some sort of device with the sparker, wire and shards. He couldn't help but notice the way her eyes lit up as she tinkered.

If only she was doing for a reason other than creating his sister's tomb.

True to her word, Aloy was done crafting in just under an hour. She approached him, sitting around the fire with the rest of his men. A gentle touch on his shoulder let him know that she was ready to use the device. He stood, clearing his throat to let his men know that they should follow. Silently, they all walked to the stone. Aloy tapped the base of the device in a small divot in the rock face.

"We should all get back," she said. "I can detonate it with an arrow." Erend nodded. He led his men away, all taking cover behind another large stone. Aloy stood out to the side, drawing an arrow, lighting it, and nocking it. She pulled the arrow back, pausing for just a moment to turn to Erend.

"It won't be perfect, you'll still have to dig out a bit. I made the blast smaller, more controlled." Erend nodded once, and she sighted her shot. She exhaled slowly, releasing the arrow. As soon as it cleared the bow, Aloy took cover with the rest of them. The device worked as she had predicted, sending small bits of rock flying in all directions. She tucked herself against Erend's chest for more protection, instantly regretting the move as he pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply, pulling away as his arm pressed painfully against her ribs. He pulled his arms away like he had been shocked, realizing that he had hurt her. He tried to speak, but no words would come out of his mouth. _Stupid,_ he thought. _How could you be so stupid?_ The blast ended, Aloy stepped out from behind the rock, followed by the rest of the Vanguard. He was left, standing there, raw and bleeding.

A cheer of victory rose up from his men. He forced his legs to move.

Aloy's device had, as expected, done the job perfectly. As he approached the would-be tomb, she turned to smile sadly at him. "It worked," she said. He stared at the rock, his eyes appreciating a still smoking, sister-sized hole in its face. His men had begun to gather the rock that was blasted away, making piles near the tomb. Erend wiped his eyes, nodding at Aloy.

"Thank you," he choked. Against her better judgement, Aloy reached for his hand, fingers curling around his. He wanted to drop the ground, to be swallowed up by the earth or a bottle, forge or fire, yet here she was, tethering him to reality.

"The moon will be at a high point soon. We should… we should lay her to rest," he said. They turned, only to find the Vanguard already preparing to lay her body in the stone grave. He silently joined them, lifting her covered body into the hole in the stone. Without a word, the men backed away, leaving Erend and his sister. He gently pulled the cover away from her face, brushing her short hair back. Reaching back, he picked up several pieces of stone. He lay a piece gently on each of Ersa's eyelids, and another over her lips. Unable to hold back any longer, Erend let out a sob.

Aloy's chest ached. Not from her broken ribs, but from understanding.

The Vanguard lined up next to Erend, each holding a piece of stone in each hand. The first was a man Aloy had heard called Teren. He stepped up to Erend's side, handing him one of the stones and holding on to the other.

"Ersa was the reason I joined the Vanguard. I was in a bar fight one night, getting my ass absolutely handed to me. She came storming into the bar, practically breathing fire, and put the other brawlers straight on their asses. She told them to 'fuck right off', and that if they didn't go home, they could be sure that they would be spending the rest of the night in a cell sobering up. Of course they left, no one was stupid enough to stand up to Ersa. I was going to thank her when she rounded on me. She got right in my face, told me I was an idiot and that if I was going to keep drinking and running my mouth that I should probably learn how to throw a punch. I thought for sure she was going to lay me out. But instead, she told me to go home, sleep it off. The next day, I showed up to her morning training with the new Vanguard members. She told me there wasn't space for me on the guard, but that if I wanted to learn how to not get my ass kicked, I could hang around. She ran me ragged. I've never puked so hard in my life. But I kept coming back. And she kept beating me down. And then, the first time I landed a hit on her, she told me I'd earned a place serving next to her. I'd never been so proud of myself. Thought about hugging her right there on the spot, but I didn't want to end up on the ground on one of the best days of my life. From that moment on, Ersa treated me like family. All of the Vanguard did. All of you. I would've followed her straight into a forge, into any battle she wanted. Hammer to steel, I would've. I'll never forget her. Hammer to steel." He knelt beside her body, gently laying his stone on her body.

"Hammer to steel," Erend repeated. He lay his stone on Ersa's cheek. In turn, each of the Vanguard stepped up, handed Erend a stone and recounted a memory of Ersa. Each lay their stone on her, followed by Erend. The stories lasted hours, bringing laughter, tears, and heavy silence.

As the last man finished his story, Aloy picked up two stones, taking a place in line. She stepped up to Erend, handing him her stone.

It was enough to wrack him with a sob.

"I didn't know Ersa. Not for long, anyway. But I know two things about her. First, she was brave. So brave. She went off to stop Dervahl by herself. She endured him for a week. And when we found her, she didn't complain. She knew what she was doing, and she never doubted herself. Second, she loved all of you. In her own way, in her form, but she loved you. Like family. Her family. Her clan." Her hand came to rest on Erend's shoulder, squeezing gently. "And she would be so _proud_ of all of you." She lay her stone down gently, turning to walk away, only to find herself held back by Erend.

"Hammer to steel," he said, voice shaking. "You have to say it. She has to hear it from everyone. Her clan." She looked into his eyes, full of sadness and defeat and somehow, hope. "Hammer to steel," he repeated. Aloy swallowed hard, trying to keep her voice from shaking. He squeezed her hand.

"Hammer to steel," she said. The men echoed her words, then picked up the remaining rock, piling it into Ersa's grave, covering her body completely. Teren walked over to the fire, lit a torch, and handed it to Erend. He stared into the fire, unmoving for what seemed like an eternity. Then slowly, he walked over the pile of rock, and lay the torch at the base of the stones, igniting a small piece of orange and white striped fabric that had been left out strategically, connected through the stone to Ersa's body. Fire leapt out from between the broken stones.

"Back to the forge," Erend said strongly. The Vanguard echoed his words.

"Back to the forge," Aloy whispered. She turned to look at Erend, but he was walking off into the distance.

"Make camp," he called to his men. "Don't come looking for me."


	15. Chapter 15

Aloy had never been good at listening to what other people told her to do. She had traded with the Nora even though Rost had protested. She had told him that she would find him after the proving, keep talking to him, even though it was forbidden by the Nora. She had left Helne's care earlier than advised.

She wasn't going to start listening now.

To be fair, she had given him a head start. Almost an hour. Then she had activated her focus, highlighting his tracks. She followed them for over a mile, noting spots along the way that appeared to be where Erend had dropped to the ground. She quickened her pace as she heard the faint whirring of machines on alert. Crouching behind a boulder, she found Erend hiding in the tall grass, crouching to avoid the glare of the heard of Longlegs that were hunting him. Quietly, she snuck into the grass, crouching beside him. She drew her tripcaster, and began to place blastwires strategically in the paths of the machines.

"I told you not to follow me," he said. His voice was thick with tears. Aloy shrugged, continuing to lay her traps.

"You told the Vanguard not to follow you. I'm not a member of the Vanguard. And I certainly don't take orders from their captain." She whistled, drawing the machines in, covering her ears as the wires took them down all at once. She stood once she heard the life fade from the last of them, turning to face Erend. "Come on, let's head back to camp. The men are worried about you." Erend shook his head slowly.

"I'm not going back." Aloy scoffed.

"I'll drag you if I have to." Erend shook his head again.

"Aloy, I'm not going back. There's nothing to go home to." She knelt in the grass next to him, changing her approach.

"I know it feels that way. Trust me. I understand. I haven't been home since Rost - since he died, Erend. Since he died protecting me. But there is so much more for you. I know she was your sister, your hero, your reason for going to Meridian, joining the Vanguard. I know. But you have so much more to go home for, Erend. Those man back there need you. You're their captain. Avad needs you. Meridian needs you. And I - I need you to be okay," her voice caught with her last admission, her eyes welling up. Erend looked up at her, face exhausted. She continued. "You can get through this, Erend. I know you can. Let's go back to camp. I already pitched your tent. There's food. And tomorrow we - you, can go home. Start to rebuild. I know it hurts. But it has to get better. And we can't just stop moving when the people we love die. There's more for us to do." She smiled at him, stood up, and offered him a hand. He stood, taking her hand.

"Tomorrow has to be better, right?" he asked. Aloy nodded.

"Yeah. It has to be."

"You know, I owe you."

"I know. And I think I've given you more than two minutes. At least three." Erend laughed.

"You're probably right. Fire and spit, I'm so tired." He rubbed his hand across his face.

"Come on, food and sleep. They'll be good for you. And it will be good for your men to have you back." They started walking back towards their camp and Ersa's tomb, still hanging on to each other's hand. "Ugh, why'd you have to go so far away from camp?" Aloy groaned. "You're the worst."

"Haha, yeah, I guess I am. What will you do with me, huh?"

Aloy's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest.

"I haven't figured that out yet," she said. Erend smiled.

"Take your time," he said.

The Vanguard were gathered around the fire when Aloy and Erend finally made it back. Teren approached them first, carrying a wooden plank covered in food.

"Saved you this," he said, pushing the plank towards them. Erend took it from him, popping a piece of meat into his mouth. "We're turning in for the night. Early morning, and tomorrow won't be any later. Get some rest, Captain. Aloy, we're glad to have you here." Teren turned and walked into his tent, the rest of the Vanguard following suit. Erend took a seat beside the fire, Aloy sat next to him. They ate in silence for some time, only the crackling of the fire interrupting their silence. Erend lay the plank down when they were finished, turning to look at Aloy.

"Not going to try to sleep out here in the open again, are you? I know you couldn't carry your tent, because of your ribs." Aloy smirked at him.

"Eh, I figure I'm the lightest sleeper out of all of us here. If I stay outside, it's like me being on watch." Erend shook his head at her.

"No," he said. "You'll stay in my tent. No arguing. You save me, I watch out for you. Those are the rules. I'm not going to argue with you. _I'll drag you if I have to._ " Aloy couldn't help but laugh.

"Using my own words against me, huh? Wasn't sure you had it in you, _Captain._ " She stood up, walking towards his tent. He called after her, standing up.

"New rule," he said loudly. "No boots in my tent. Don't like the thought of them tearing any holes."

"Fine," she called back, never turning around. She pulled off her boots just before disappearing into his tent. He followed behind her, grinning. Pulling the tent flap open, he found her already asleep. He pulled off his gambeson and lay down.

The last thing he thought before falling asleep was how she already smelled like home to him.


	16. Chapter 16

He awoke to find her still sleeping. Rare and wonderful. He stared at her, the feeling like he shouldn't be sitting uncomfortably in his chest. This was her most vulnerable state. Her facial features soft, brow relaxed.

He couldn't help but think that he would give anything for her to stay this way. To not feel like the fate of the world hung on her shoulders.

He knew it was impossible.

As the thought crossed his mind, her features contorted,her body convulsed, and whimpers escaped her lips. He could only assume it was another nightmare that plagued her, another recounting of the day that Rost had died, and she had been left alone. He knew the feeling well, and wished that he could spare her from it. He shook her shoulder, gently, backing away quickly to avoid the fight he knew would come from waking her.

He was wrong.

She woke with a gasp, but didn't strike out. What happened was much more heartbreaking. Aloy woke, tears in her eyes, looking at Erend. She took a deep, shaky breath in, and on the exhale dropped her head into her hands. Seconds later, she began to sob. Erend crouched in front of her, resting his hand on her knee. She cried harder than he thought she could, and for longer. He waited several minutes to speak, hand not moving from her leg.

"Aloy," he whispered. She looked up at him, eyes red, tears running down her face.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry. We're here for Ersa and I just - I can't stop thinking about Rost. About what happened. If I hadn't run the Proving, if I hadn't needed to know -" his hand moved to her shoulder, interrupting her.

"Don't. Don't apologize for being sad, for feeling. You've been running forward since Rost died, never looking back, never taking time to breathe or feel. And if you would have been lucky enough to know Ersa, even just to talk to her for a few minutes, she would have told you to slow down. To think about what had happened. And she would have been right. You can't just hold on to this, all of these feelings, you have to experience them. Fire and spit, you've led us here, taken care of my men, helped lay Ersa to rest, saved me from - Aloy, you're a force to be reckoned with, but you're human. Just like the rest of us." He brushed the stray hair out of her face, watching tears stream from her eyes. She opened her mouth, no words escaping. She took a deep breath.

"We need to head back to the Claim, then Meridian. I'm sure Avad is waiting for you. She stood, his hand falling from her shoulder. She silently pulled on her armor, walked outside of the tent and pulled on her boots. The rest of the Vanguard were walking around the camp, and Aloy yelled to them all to pack up and prepare to return to Meridian. Erend dressed, then took down his tent, packing it neatly. Once his site was all packed away, he made his way slowly to Ersa's tomb, embers still glowing between the rocks.

"Well, Ersa, we did what we came here to do. You're home. And I guess now, now I have to go back home, too. I promise that I'll take care of our men, and that we'll keep Avad safe. We'll keep all of Meridian safe. I'll make you proud. I'll be - I'll be the brother you needed me to be. Hammer to steel." He rested a hand on the warm rocks, finalizing his goodbye. As he turned to follow his man, all trailing behind Aloy, something resting on the stones caught his eye.

Two blue beads.

The Claim welcomed them back late in the evening, its inhabitants cheering the return of the Vanguard. Erend had watched Aloy move slower and slower throughout the day, hands often drifting up to her side. He noticed her chest heaving as the reached their destination, and was glad to see Helne walking towards the group. Aloy left with her without a fight, and Erend was sure if he was glad or incredibly concerned. Deciding she was in good hands, he returned to his home. He started a kettle for tea, keeping himself from going out to drink with his men. Fire and spit, he wanted a drink. He wanted to drink until he didn't hurt anymore, until he forgot about Ersa, and until he stopped pining over Aloy. He took off his gambeson and the striped shirt under it, slid his boots off, and sat, waiting for his tea. He thought about what waited for him in Meridian, about Blameless Marad and Avad. Avad, who had loved his sister, and never said anything to him about it.

A knock at the door pulled him away from his thoughts. He pulled it open, expecting Teren or one of the other men, asking him to come drink with them. Instead, a very tired looking Aloy greeted him, making him painfully aware of the fact that he was partially naked.

Aloy's cheeks flushed. In that moment, she could have asked for anything and Erend would have complied, no questions asked.

"Um, I'm sorry. I'll just go back to Helne's. I'm sor -"

"Hey, it's okay. Come in. I'm sure you've had enough of Helne for a lifetime," he smiled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Aloy stepped through the doorframe, standing in the middle of the front room. Erend closed the door, debating on whether or not to put his shirt back on. Deciding it would be more embarrassing to do so, he walked over to check his kettle instead. Aloy took a seat at the table, holding herself stiffly. The bulk around her middle told Erend that she was heavily bandaged, and the smell of hintergold emanating from her lead him to believe that she was in more pain that she let on. "Tea?" he asked. Aloy nodded.

"Do you have any of the kind that Helne made for me?" Erend nodded, pulling the bag of tea down from a cabinet. He quickly made a bag and added it to a mug of water from the kettle, sliding it towards her. She smiled gratefully. "If it isn't too much of a pain, could I stay here again tonight? Helne's… a lot to handle, and the inn was full when we got back into the Claim. Unless you had other plans, or someone else staying here." Erend laughed.

"Other plans? Ha, she thinks I have a date!"

"Well, I showed up and your shirt —"

"Aloy, it's my house! You think I'm always full dressed in here?" At this, her cheeks became a deeper shade of red.

"I, I just meant —"

"Of course you can stay here, Aloy. In fact, you can use this place when you're traveling, if you need. I have a spare key. I'd be happy to know it was getting some use." She beamed at this, sipping on her tea.

"Erend, thank you. You don't have to do that."

"There's plenty of things you've done for me lately that you didn't have to do. Think of it as me trying to balance the scales." He took a drink of his tea, watching her eyes, wondering what she was thinking.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I made you something." She reached into one of the bags at her waist and retrieved a small package, made from animal skin. She handed it to Erend, who looked quizzically at her. "Well, open it!" He gently unfolded the hide wrapper, and felt his eyes well up with tears. Within the skin was a small shield, carved from stone. The shield was an almost perfect replica of Ersa's, and the stone was charred. He could only assume that the material had come from her tomb. The shield was attached to a leather cord, braided, and with a small blue bead knitted in. He held it up to the light, tears sliding soundlessly down his cheeks.

"Aloy, it's… it's perfect. How-"

"Helne talks a lot. And she's very thorough. I knew I would have some time. I wear a pendant of Rost's. It helps me remember. Keeps me on my toes. It helps me think of what he would've wanted for me. Keeps him close. I just thought that maybe it would help for you to keep her close." She smiled at him again, downing the rest of her tea. "I should get some sleep. The trek back to Meridian won't be easy. Thank you, for letting me stay here. I'll see you in the morning." She stood from her seat, walking almost silently down the hallway to the spare room. Erend starred a little longer at the pendant before sliding it over his head. The shield came to rest on his chest near his heart. He finished the rest of his tea, sitting in the quiet for a little longer before deciding that he too should go to bed. He extinguished the candles that lit his home on the way down the hall, stopping briefly at Aloy's door. He turned to his room after hearing no sound coming from hers, and undressed next to his bed, laying down, feeling every hammer swing and machine attack he had experienced in the past two days. As he lay in the quiet, he rubbed his thumb over the pendant at his chest, finding the repetitive motion calming. He found that he was more tired that he had thought, finding himself headed towards sleep easier than previous nights. He pulled the cord of the pendant, fingers finding the small blue bead he had set eyes on earlier. As he drifted to sleep, only one thought crossed Erend's mind.

He was completely in love with the Nora girl.


	17. Chapter 17

It had been weeks since he had seen Aloy. She had taken off some time in the night, after giving him the small shield she had carved for him. He had woken up in his house alone, called for her, but found her bed made and her closet empty.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't upset.

He had thrown things. He had ripped that room apart. He had sat in the middle of his floor and yelled. He had cursed at the sky for leaving him so alone.

He had collected himself and cleaned up his home, leaving it as he had found it. He had left it in the hopes that she would return, even if he wasn't there. And then, he had collected his men and begun the journey back to Meridian. The journey was uncomplicated. Only a few Watchers crossed the Vanguard's path, and Erend was able to deal with them quickly, though not as efficiently as Aloy would have.

He hated himself for wishing she was there. He had been dependant on Ersa since they were kids. And in the short time he had known Aloy, he had come dangerously close to be dependant on her.

Fire and spit, he wished she hadn't disappeared.

He was slowly adjusting to life without Ersa. He was becoming a better captain to his men, a better servant to Avad. But he knew he would never not miss her. He would always want his sister. There would always be a hole in his chest, maybe not raw or bleeding, but friable scar tissue, at best.

When night came, and his shift was over, Erend did one of two things. He would either return to his Meridian home, too depressed to do anything else, or visit his favorite tavern, and drink until his men dragged him home. He was hungover more often than not, but it became his normal.

The worst part wasn't the comfort he found in alcohol, it was the knowledge that the two people who actually meant something to him would be so disappointed in him if they knew.

She told herself that sneaking out was the best option. That it was kinder in the long run. He wouldn't want her to leave, and she wasn't sure that she could fight him. She wanted nothing more than to have a place to call home, someone to talk to, someone -

No. She had to keep moving forward. Find her mother, and the man that had murdered Rost.

She had dressed quietly, packed the rest of her gear, and snuck out to Erend's kitchen to retrieve the rest of the tea Helne had made for her. Her body still hurt. She still couldn't take a full breath or fully draw her bowstring back. But she would manage. Rost had taught her to make due with what she had, always.

She had slipped out of the window quietly, walking towards the gate of the Claim. Just before making it outside, a shadowy figure blocked her path.

"Slipping out like a ghost, huh?" Aloy smiled sheepishly.

"It's better this way, Helne. I don't want anyone caught up in my war. I have to do this."

"Too late for someone not to be caught by you, little spark. You've caught us all. We're behind you, and here if you need us. Don't forget that."

"I won't, Helne. Thank you." She gave the woman an awkward half hug, and continued on her way.

Since leaving, she wasn't sure if she had gotten closer to or further from learning who her mother was. She had learned that the Eclipse were raising machines from the dead, terrible machines, built specifically for killing. She had come face to face with one, and somehow took it down. She had climbed to the top of an ancient tower and seen recordings of her… of Elizabet Sobek. And a man named Ted Faro, who had somehow unleashed the machines on the world of the Ancient Ones. She had been directed to these discoveries by a man named Sylens, who saw through her focus.

And now, she had hit a dead end. Sylens had gone quiet, her leads had gone cold.

She was spending her time doing favors for people she met, collecting herbs, finding missing people, clearing out areas of corrupted machinery, and taking down bandit camps. The latter she had continued doing with the man named Nil.

This camp was nothing special. The same story as every other: get in quietly, destroy the alarm, free the captured and kill the bandits. They were close to Meridian, the Spire hanging in the distance. Aloy had already disabled the alarm and freed the captured men. She had tagged every bandit with her focus, and she and Nil were working through the men, well-placed arrows finding their targets. Once they were finished, she met Nil just outside of the reclaimed camp.

"You know, Little Huntress, for someone who claims to be against killing, you're certainly good at it. I didn't think anyone could land more headshots than I could, but you may have got me there. Isn't the sound of an arrow sinking into a skull music to your ears? It makes my blood sing... "

"No, I don't see anything enjoyable about it. Just a necessary evil. They can't be left to terrorize people who have done nothing wrong."

"Whatever you say, Little Huntress. Just happy to have someone along who is nearly as skilled at taking lives as I am."

"Ugh, you make it really hard to want to help you. I should get going. Killers to track, machines to hunt." Nil smiled at her.

"Just remember, if you ever need a companion to help you clear out humans, track me down. If anyone could find me, I almost guarantee it's you." She nodded, shouldering her bow. She walked towards the river near the camp, eager to wash her bloodied hands. She crouched down, washing her hands and splashing water on her face. She stood, turning to look at the Spire, wondering what Erend was up to, hoping he was okay.

She decided that since she had no lead to go off of, Meridian wouldn't be a bad place to stay for the night.


	18. Chapter 18

Meridian was just as alive at night as it was during the day. Street performers played music, danced and otherwise entertained the citizens roaming the roads. Merchants called out, trying to attract people to their wares. Aloy stopped to trade with one she was familiar with, selling various machine lenses and buying supplies for arrows and traps. She traded several Banuk artifacts, ancient relics and metal flowers with the specialty merchants. She continued to wander the streets after this, deciding to take in more of the city sights, though the crowds and comforts surrounding her made her uneasy. She walked up the stairs towards the Palace of the Sun, just to get away from all the people and catch her breath. The view was stunning, stars shining brightly in the sky, illuminating the land outside of the city. The Spire shone brightly, towering in the distance.

"Quite a sight, isn't it?" Aloy jumped at the words spoken by Blameless Marad, who had approached her with no sound. Once she had regained her composure, she nodded.

"Never thought I would see anything outside of the Embrace, to be honest. The city is a little… overwhelming. So many people and distractions. But it's nice to see things now, you know, now that I'm not knocking down doors and raiding homes, or trying to find Ersa's killer. Having a moment to myself is… rare, to say the least."

"Well, while tasks are how we accomplish our goals, it is important to remember to take some time for yourself. Can't pour from an empty cup. Feel free to use the apartment of Olin Delversson while you are here. I assume you remember how to get there?" he asked with a smirk. Aloy smiled back with a slight wince.

"It would be hard to forget, I think. Thank you, Marad. Please, give Avad my regards."

"I would certainly hope that you would stop to see him before you leave Meridian. It would be… unkind otherwise. I'll tell him to expect you tomorrow. Rest, Aloy. I'm certain you need it." Marad walked away, leaving Aloy stunned.

"Well, I guess I'm staying through tomorrow," she said to herself. "Might as well find some food and get some rest." She walked back down the stairs to the city, tapping her focus, trying to find somewhere to eat. She was scanning the buildings when she was nearly knocked to the ground by a large man. She stood to face the man, a large, angry Carja.

"Watch where you are walking, outlander!"

"Maybe you shouldn't assume that you own the road. I wasn't in anyone's way," she shot back. The Carja man began to yell, and shoved her. She shoved him back, pulling her spear and taking an attack stance. To her surprise, the man drew a knife, taking a slash at her.

"HEY! Put the weapons DOWN!" someone yelled. Aloy dropped her spear, but the man didn't listen. He took another swipe at her, and she felt the knife connect with her cheek. She stumbled backwards and slammed into another person. She fell to the ground, and the man she had run into stepped in front of her.

"If you want to continue to walk the streets a free man, I suggest you sheath that knife and walk away, he said. Aloy recognized the voice to be Erend's. She felt guilt slip into her stomach as he confronted the Carja man.

"Ever since your king took over this city, filthy outlanders like her -" he pointed to Aloy, "have been walking our streets like they belong here. Little bitch wasn't even watching where -" Erend's fist connected with the man's face. He fell to the ground, clutching his nose. Erend addressed the crowd that had gathered.

"If there's anyone else who has a problem with outlanders in this city, I suggest you take it up with your king. If there's anyone else who has problems with THIS particular outlander, I suggest you talk to a member of the Vanguard that isn't me. They're less likely to hit you." He picked up Aloy's spear, walking back towards her, an emotion she couldn't quite decipher playing across his features. He held the spear out to her and she took it, using it to push herself up off of the ground. They stood face to face and she noticed his eyes soften when they glanced over her cheek. "Come on," he said gruffly. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"I can take care of -"

"I'm well aware that you can take care of yourself, Aloy. You made that painfully obvious when you left the Claim. Now please, come with me before someone else tries to fight you in the street and I really lose my cool," he snapped. Aloy winced at his tone, the guilt now settling into her chest. She followed him as he walked off, pace somewhere between casual and furious.

They walked silently to his home. He pulled the door open, holding it open just long enough for Aloy to slip inside before slamming it shut. "Sit," he said. She took a seat in one of the chairs in the front room while Erend stomped down the hall. He returned with a wet cloth, hintergold and bandages. After pulling a chair over, he sat in front of her and began to gently wipe the blood from her cheek. He applied the hintergold, followed by the bandage then stood, walking into the kitchen. "Tea?" he asked. Aloy nodded, not trusting herself to speak. He set a kettle over the fire and turned to her, sighing.

"Erend, I'm so -"

"Don't say sorry," he groaned. Aloy huffed.

"Well, what do you want me to say then?" Erend laughed incredulously.

"You've got to be kidding. You leave in the middle of the night, wounded, after having helped me bury my sister, after talking me off a cliff, and you think that sorry covers it? I don't want sorry, Aloy. I want an explanation."

"Explanation? I don't owe you an explanation. You knew before I decided to help you find Ersa that I had my own battles to fight. I made that clear."

Erend slammed his fist on the table. "Dammit, Aloy! You don't OWE me anything! If either one of us in debt to the other, it's me! But fire and spit, you couldn't wait until morning? You couldn't tell me you needed to leave? I get that you have your own wars! The Nora, Eclipse, hell I'm sure there's more, but you didn't stop to think that I - that we would worry about you? You couldn't even draw your bow without having to take a break! What was I supposed to think!?" Aloy stood up, defensive.

"I'm not yours to worry about, Erend! I'm not your sister!" She immediately regretted the words. Erend fell silent, grabbing the kettle from the fire and pouring water into a cup. He set it down on the table next to her, face a mixture of anger and hurt.

"You may have grown up an outcast, Aloy, but that doesn't mean you have to be alone all of your life. And no, you're not my sister. But that doesn't mean I can't worry about you. And I thought - nevermind. Clearly whatever I have to say has no bearing on your actions. I'm glad you're safe. I'm glad you're alive. And I'm glad you decided to come through Meridian. But I'm not going to invest any time hoping you'll stay, or let me in, or tell me what you've been doing. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go join my men for a drink. I wouldn't want them to worry about me if I don't show up, just disappear. Stay if you want. Leave if you want. I don't expect you tell me what you're going to do. Just… lock the door if you leave, okay?" he ran a hand through his hair and turned away from her, walking out into the street. He stood outside of the door for a moment, almost going back in, almost deciding to fight for her. But in the end, he was just too worn out, too tired, and too sick of feeling hurt. He walked to the bar and walked inside, his men greeting him with cheers and a pint of his favorite brew.

Aloy stared down into her cup of tea, trying to hold back her tears.


	19. Chapter 19

"I just don't get it," he slurred. He clapped Teren on the shoulder, taking another deep drink from his glass. He had had far too many tonight, he was aware of it. He had just wanted the feeling in his chest to go away, but no amount of Oseram brew was making that happen. Several of his men had already gone home, not holding their drink as well as Erend, leaving only Teren, Maran and Yanar to listen to him ramble.

He knew he was making a fool of himself, but he didn't have the desire to care.

"I just don't get it," he repeated. "Why is it okay for her to just waltz back in here, back into my life after she didn't give a damn? What does she think?"

"Not any question I can answer, boss. You're gonna have to ask her. But you shouldn't do it like this. Let's get you home." Erend shook his head.

"Don't wanna. I'll talk and then she'll just leave again." Teren pulled Erend to his feet.

"Well, boss, the only way you're going to find out is if you actually talk to her."

"She's not gonna listen to me, she's made that clear. I don't think she -"

"She's not trying to hurt you, boss. She's just… complicated. But you have to admit, she's done a lot for us. For you. Without her, we probably wouldn't have found Ersa. And I don't know why she's here, or what she's doing, but she's clearly gone through a lot. Maybe she just needs to talk. And we probably owe her that," Teren said. Erend brushed his hand away from his shoulder and began to stumble home.

"Glad you're taking her side," he grumbled.

Teren trailed him to his home just to make sure he made it.

The door opened without him having to find the key. He tripped through the door, nearly landing on the floor. Aloy darted out of the chair she was sitting in and kept him from falling.

"Erend -"

"Don't," he said. "Just… don't." He pushed Aloy's hand away. "Why are you still here?" he asked. Aloy recoiled, drawing back from Erend.

"I - I don't know." Erend took a deep breath, trying to act less drunk than he was. "And I didn't know that leaving -"

"Didn't know that leaving what? Didn't know that I would be upset? Didn't know that I would worry about you? Didn't know that I would come home and wonder if you were even alive out there?"

"I don't - no one worries about me!" Aloy yelled. "No one has ever cared! No one besides Rost! And he's dead now, Erend!"

"So is Ersa!" Erend roared. "You don't see me running off from everyone else I know!"

"No, you're just getting drunk, that's your way of running! Well, I don't have that option! I have to keep going! I have to find Eclipse and stop them, make them pay for the lives they took, make them pay for Rost, and I have to find… never mind." She made a move for the door but Erend stepped in front of it.

"I get that the man who raised you died. I get that you need to find Eclipse and stop them. But I don't understand why you think no one cares about you! You don't have to be alone! You're the one making it that way by alienating yourself from anyone you get close to!" Aloy was furious now, and Erend couldn't keep the words from pouring out of his drunk mouth. They were practically nose to nose.

"You think the Nora give a damn about me!? The only one who even cares that I exist is Teersa, and the only reason she does is because I'M the one who can MAYBE open the door inside All-Mother. The rest of them would've rather seen me dead my whole life, Erend! I've always been next to alone, and now that Rost is gone, what other option do I have?"

"LET PEOPLE IN, ALOY!" she stumbled backwards with the force of his yelling. He immediately felt terrible for it. "Aloy, listen," he said in a much softer tone. Tears were soundlessly rolling down her cheeks. "I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. Ersa was all I had. But then you showed up and I… I didn't have to be alone. And then you just, you just left. And all I had were men who were mourning Ersa like I was."

"I'm always going to leave, Erend. That's just how it is. I have a task to accomplish, and nothing will get in the way of that." Erend rubbed a hand over his face.

"Fire and spit, Aloy. I know you're going to leave! I know! You've made that clear! But you don't have to sneak off in the middle of the night! You could tell me - us, that you're leaving. I'm not asking you to stay. I'm only asking for you to think of someone other than yourself!" When the words left his lips, Erend knew they were a mistake. Her eyes grew wide, then immediately narrow with anger. She drew a fist back as if to hit him, but thought better about it.

"The next time you think that I'm doing all of this," she motioned around herself with arms spread wide, "without thinking of anyone else, remember who helped you find your sister after you had given up hope. Remember who was made an outcast at BIRTH but is still trying to track down the killers that attacked the people who cast her out. And remember who kept you from - remember who was there for you. Now move. I have to meet with Avad in the morning and I don't intend on doing so without any sleep." Erend stepped aside, stunned. She threw the door open and marched outside. "I'll be at Olin's apartment," she said over her shoulder. "You can find me there if you need me. Don't come drunk." She slammed the door shut, leaving Erend standing behind it. He took a seat, staring at the mug she had been drinking tea from. He picked it up and threw it across the room, shattering it on the wall.

He loved her.

Aloy pushed the door to Olin's apartment, scanning the building with her focus to make sure she hadn't missed any traps the first time she had been in it. She hadn't. She walked through, looking at the paintings on the wall and the rugs on the floor. She looked at the basement door, and thought of how she had broken it open with Erend standing by. She thought of how Erend had kicked in the door, just because she had wanted in.

She thought a lot of Erend.

She walked slowly up the stairs to the bedroom. She pulled off her armor piece by piece, draping it carefully over a chair in the corner. She pulled her boots off last, setting them by the head of the bed. She curled up in the bed, feeling like she had too much room. She thought of the times they had shared a tent, and wished that Erend was beside her.

She couldn't be falling in love with him.

Thank you all so much for reading and commenting. I adore you guys. Keep giving me your thoughts and reactions. You're the absolute BEST.


	20. Chapter 20

She awoke to the smell of something being cooked downstairs. She pulled her boots on silently and grabbed her bow. She nocked a single arrow, and crept slowly down the stairs, bow drawn tightly. Hoping to startle whoever was in the apartment, she jumped down the last three stairs.

Erend spun around, eyes wide, and dropped the plate he was holding. The sound startled Aloy, and she loosed her bow. He jumped out of the way quickly, the arrow lodging in the wall behind him. He picked up the plate, tossed it into the trash, and turned back to the fire, stirring something in a pot and flipping something else in a pan.

"Just curious, do you think you'll ever stop trying to kill me?" he asked. He smiled at Aloy, eyes tired. She stood at the foot of the stairs, chest heaving.

"Do you think you'll ever stop sneaking up on me or making me think I'm under attack?" He shrugged.

"Probably not. Hungry?" Her stomach growled as if on cue. She nodded, walking quietly towards the kitchen, setting her bow carefully against the wall.

"You remembered where I was staying," she said. Erend nodded.

"Can't say it didn't take some work," he admitted. "But I made myself. Just like you made yourself tell me."

"Touche."

"Thank you," he said. He slid a plate across the table to her. Her throat felt thick.

"Thank you, too. I never really thought that anyone besides Rost would… "

"I do," he said. "Always will."

They sat in silence for several minutes, eating quietly.

"Why did they make you an outcast at birth?" Erend asked. Aloy stiffened, curling her hand into a fist on the table.

"Didn't have a mother," she said quietly. "The worst thing a Nora can do is be motherless." Erend clenched his fist tightly, a rage settling into his chest. He hadn't missed the sadness that crept into her voice.

"Did she...die, when you were born?" Aloy shook her head.

"No one knows if… if I even have a mother," she said. "Teersa, she… found me. Inside of All-Mother. In front of this big metal door. Like the ones in the ruins left by the Old Ones. But when she took me back, after the Proving, All-Moth - the door didn't recognize me. It wouldn't open for me. So there's a chance I'll never know. All I know is Eclipse is after me because of a woman who looks like me, but with shorter hair. Her name is Elisabet Sobek, and I have to find her. I have to. And I'm not going to stop until I get answers, or until I die trying. And that's why I will always leave, Erend. I have to." She took a long drink of water, not making eye contact with him. He took a long breath in, looking down at the table.

"I understand," he said. "Our mother… she died during the Red Raids. She died protecting my sister and me. We found her the next day, just laying there. It was the last time I ever saw her cry. She trained every single day after that, every morning she told me she was going to join the Vanguard. I never doubted her. She did the best she could to take care of us, but she was always a better warrior than a mother. But we got by. And when she came here to join the Vanguard, I followed. This became our new home." Aloy stared at the table, finally looking up across the table. Erend was smiling at her. "She made our lives better, my mother. She loved us."

"What about your father?" Aloy asked. Anger flashed across Erend's features.

"He stayed around long enough after I was born to push my mother down the stairs and give Ersa a black eye. I don't remember anything else about him. Wouldn't be able to pick his face out of a crowd. Better that way. I don't think I'd let him walk away."

"I had no idea, Erend. I'm so sorry." Erend shrugged.

"Everything that has happened has led to me being the person I am. As much as some of it has hurt, as much as I wish some of it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be here if anything had happened differently. And I wouldn't be sitting here with you." The last sentence was quiet, almost whispered. Aloy smiled shyly to herself.

"Yeah," she said. "I guess that's right."

"Aloy, I get that you have to leave. I understand. But please, I need you to understand that I care about you. More than I really understand or know how to put into words. And I… I worry about you. I really thought I might never see you again. I know you can't be here. You can't wait around. But when you have a minute, when you're just passing by, let me know you're alive. Let me know that you're okay, or if you're not. You don't have to feel like you're alone. There's a whole group of us here who would be behind you at a moment's notice, and a King who would do the same. You're not just another stranger. You're basically one of us." She found herself tearing up, Erend's words making her want to stay in Meridian. She wished it was that simple. She wanted to stay and get to know Erend, to see the rest of the city and help where she could.

She knew that wasn't an option. But she wanted it so badly. Erend looked at her like he understood. He stood from the table and collected the plates from it, depositing them in the sink.

"Well, let's get you ready to go see Avad. I'll accompany you, if you want. Sometimes better not to have him one-on-one. Don't know if you've noticed, but he could talk for hours. I'd really be doing you a favor by going. I'm a master at escaping him. And I really wouldn't mind getting to spend more time with a beautiful girl. Even if she knows I'm just a hopeless drunk." Aloy smiled, shrugging at him.

"I do hate getting stuck talking to people. And you're not just a hopeless drunk," she said. You're… charming. And I wouldn't mind a little more time before I have to… leave again."

"Two minutes?" he asked. Aloy laughed, shaking her head.

"Trying to cash them in already? I thought maybe you would hang on to those. Pretty expensive commodity. I don't think I've ever given any to an Oseram. But if you want to use them, by all means." Erend joined in her laughter.

"Nope! Now I'm going to hold on to them. Hold them over you until you forget about them."

"Ugh."

He wanted to annoy her forever.


	21. Chapter 21

"Aloy! My friend! How good it is to see you back in our city! Welcome! I trust that Olin's old home is serving you well?" The Sun-King greeted Aloy with open arms and a smile on his face. She bowed back at him, trying to avoid the hug she knew was coming. She stood back up, and Avad advanced. She stiffened, hoping he would pick up on her dislike of the gesture.

He didn't.

He eventually let go of her, focus turning to Erend. "Erend! I see all it took was Aloy to drag you out of your home! If I had known, I would have tracked her down!" Embarrassment flashed across his features, and his eyes quickly found the ground.

"Avad, I'm -" the Sun-King waved his hand at Erend.

"No need for apologies, my friend. It has been a rough time for all of us. We are lucky to have such a shining guest to bring some light to our clouded present." Aloy shifted uncomfortably where she stood. Noting her discomfort, Erend moved closer to her, Avad taking a step backwards subconsciously. She appreciated the move. "Although, I do have to wonder, what brings you back to our city? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous when I heard you were back." Aloy smiled, almost laughing to herself.

"Honestly, I needed a break. And I owed someone an apology. And I have to say, a regular bath and some properly cooked food wasn't too bad, either." Avad smiled, relief in his eyes. Erend became acutely aware of a lump in his throat at the mention of an apology.

"This city is home to you any time you want, Aloy. Olin's apartment will remain open for your use at all times. As will a room here, in the Palace of the Sun. Please, do not hesitate to use it. I would be delighted to see more of you." Aloy shifted uncomfortably once again. Erend came to her rescue.

"Avad, if you don't mind, Aloy said that she would help me with training today. The men need to more about how to take down machines without getting their asses handed to them. She's really the expert on this." Avad nodded.

"Yes! Of course. That is a wonderful idea. Aloy, thank you. Once again, I am in your debt." He bowed to Aloy, and she returned the gesture. She then turned sharply, making her way back towards the city. Erend followed. She ducked into Olin's apartment, holding the door open just long enough for Erend to enter, then slammed the door shut, locking it.

"What was that about?" Erend asked. Aloy was throwing her things into her pack, clearly intending to leave the city as soon as possible.

"Nothing," she replied. Erend walked over and snatched her bag. She swung around, fist clenched and headed for his nose. He caught her fist with his free hand.

"Thought you were going to start actually talking to me?" She huffed at him.

"Not something you'll want to know," she said.

"Try me."

"Fine. But remember, you asked for this." He nodded.

"Avad, he… he wants me to stay here, with him. He asked me right after Dervahl was captured." Erend dropped her hand, not realizing he was still holding it.

"Stay with him? What do you mean?" Aloy grimaced.

"As his… partner. His mate." Erend dropped her bag, rage rising up in his throat.

"Ersa's body is barely cold, and he asks _you_ to stay with him as his MATE!?" he roared.

"I said as much," Aloy stated. "Not to mention, he's hardly someone I would consider staying with." Erend wished he was rational enough at the moment to process her statement, but all he could do was focus on the sister sized hole, bleeding around the edges once again. He crumpled to the ground, head in his hands.

"Did she really mean so little to him?" he whispered. Aloy sat in front of him, resting a hand on his knee.

"She meant everything to him," she said. "And when she was gone, his world was ruined. And he doesn't know how to deal with it. He's never ruled alone. She was always there by his side, even if it was in secret. He can't process this like he should be able to. He has to be the leader, the face of Meridian, the Sun-King. And he… he doesn't know how to be alone. And as ridiculous as he is being, he's dealing with it the best he can. And he cares about you. He would never try to hurt you." Erend found his hand wandering to hers, fingers twisting themselves between hers.

She couldn't bring herself to pull her hand away. Even though she knew it would be kinder in the long run.

"You're the only thing that pulls me back together," Erend said. She found herself holding her breath. "Since Ersa died… since I thought she was dead the first time, it's like there's been this massive, raw hole in my chest. And I can't find anything to fill it with, but when you're around, it's like… like you're a stitcher, and you pull the edges a little bit closer together," he squeezed her hand gently. "And I know you have to leave. I know you don't belong to anyone or anywhere, but I want you to know that you've saved me. More times than I care to admit. And you've saved this city. And you can call it home anytime you want. I… we will all always be here for you. You don't have to run from us. Maybe, maybe someday you'll run to us instead." A tear snaked its way down his face, and Aloy set her jaw hard to stop herself from sobbing.

"You… you've stitched me up too," she whispered. "And I wish… I wish more than anything that I could stay here. But I have to leave. Every time, I'll have to leave. And if that's just like ripping the bandage off, maybe I should just -"

"Don't you dare," he whispered. He pressed his forehead against hers, hand sliding up to the side of her face. "Wounds don't heal all at once. You can't stretch the skin that tight. Every time you come back, it's a new dressing, more stitches added. Don't give up on me yet." Aloy felt her heart pounding in her face, her cheeks flushing.

"Erend, I can't. I'm not meant for this," she said. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

"I'm gonna change your mind, huntress. Wait for it. There's never been a challenge I couldn't handle." She smiled, leaving her forehead resting against his.

"I'm like no other challenge."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	22. Chapter 22

It was almost impossible not to drink when she was gone. Despite every exchange about the habit between the two of them, he found himself wandering towards the bars whenever she left town. His men looked out for him, got him home before he was too far gone. If it was a particularly bad night, Teren would even pay the bartenders to close early. He'd walk Erend home, or trail him, depending on the boss's mood. He always made sure he got home without getting into a fight, and that he was up in time for morning report. When whispers of the red headed machine hunter drawing near would make their way into the city, Erend changed. He didn't drink, he shaved, he cleaned up. Teren liked this version of him better. He could almost see his old captain there, in Erend's eyes.

She came and went as she pleased, staying only long enough to catch up on sleep and drive her hunger pains away. He always asked her to stay longer, and she always told him the same thing:

"I'm going to leave every time, Erend."

She stopped staying as long, stopped staying in his apartment, and told him it wasn't a good idea when he asked to stay with her at Olin's.

Eventually, she stopped coming back to Meridian.

It had been weeks. He had heard nothing. No whispers of her from beyond the city walls. No sightings from the Vanguard on the walls.

Erend started to think there was something wrong with him. Why else wouldn't she come back? He knew she was busy, he knew she was out there trying to find… Elisabet, but why, all of a sudden, was she not stopping in Meridian when she had the chance. It was either him or… no. He didn't want to think of the world without Aloy. He didn't really want to think of anything. He drank. Too much, too fast. Teren told him it was time to go home. He didn't want to, but Erend knew he wouldn't win a fight against him as drunk as he was. He went home and fell asleep, plagued by nightmares of Aloy laying on the ground, covered in blood, light gone from her eyes.

There was pounding on the door, and Erend had to drag himself out of his bed. He pulled the door open, head feeling like it was going to split open with the light of the sun. He put a hand up to block the light, and was met with the face of Blameless Marad.

"I suggest that you clean yourself up and get to the palace. The king wishes to speak to you immediately" Erend scoffed, still drunk from the night before.

"I'm sure whatever city emergency Avad thinks is occuring can wait a few minutes." Marad shook his head.

"It's not the city, Erend. It's Aloy."

He felt his stomach drop to the floor, and was suddenly sober.

"I'll be right there," he said. He slammed the door shut, ran upstairs and washed his face. He threw on his gambeson and sprinted out of his door.

He arrived at the palace out of breath, running into the king's chambers. He was met by Avad, Blamesless Marad, and a man

he had not met before. He was darker complected, and had blue threads woven into his skin. Erend had never met the man before, but was certain he knew who the man was. He had heard Aloy argue with him in the middle of the night over and over again.

Sylens.

Avad stepped forward to greet Erend, laying a hand on his shoulder. Their eyes met and Erend's stomach dropped again. Avad shook his head, guiding Erend over to the other men. Sylens stepped forward, offering a hand.

"Erend," he said. "My name is- "

"Sylens. I know who you are. Where is Aloy?"

"Right to it then. A certain number of events have transpired involving Aloy."

Erend felt himself snap.

"Where the fuck is she, Sylens?" Avad stepped between Erend and the man, trying to diffuse the tension in the air. Sylens stepped forward, coming nearly face to face with Erend.

"Captured. Taken. Held hostage. Set for public execution. Shall I put it any other way?"

He thought his legs were going to give out from under him.

"Taken by who? Where?"

"The shadow Carja. Their leader, Helis. His men captured her. They're holding her in the Sun Ring, planning on dropping her on with machines. There's no way she'll make it out." Erend scoffed.

"Have you met Aloy? She's taken down more machines than I even knew existed. Helis is an idiot to think-"

"She has none of her gear. At least not to my knowledge. He focus has been either destroyed or disabled. I have no way of knowing what is happening.

"Then why the fuck are we standing here, doing nothing!? We have to go to her! Erend made for the exit, only to be stopped my Avad.

"My friend, we cannot. Think of the repercussions of you, Captain of the Vanguard, showing up in Shadow Carja territory! We cannot add more stress to an already strained relationship!"

"I'll go disguised! They won't see me! We can't just let her die there!" He brushed Avad's hand away, intending to return home to prepare to leave.

"Erend, I forbid you from going." The captain swung around, nearly nose to nose with Avad.

"You… what!?"

"My friend, I forbid from going. I am so sorry."

Erend dropped to his knees, all energy in his body being spent on not weeping. He was raw and bleeding. Sylens stepped toward him, their eyes meeting. Softness flashed across the man's features as he spoke.

"She may be stronger than we think. We should not take this as her death sentence. I will do what I can for her. If my plan works, expect her to ride into the city tonight. If not… I will return within the week. And your King is right. There is not intervention you can offer without setting a war into motion. Return home and prepare to take care of her if she returns; I am certain she is not without injury." And with that, Sylens left the palace. Avad offered a hand to Erend, who brushed it aside.

"I don't care if you're right. If she dies, you'll have to find a new Captain. She saved your life, too. How easily you forget."

He turned and left the palace, headed back to home and hoping for the best.


	23. Chapter 23

She had been caught. She had been careless, driven by her need to find her mother. She had been distracted.

And she had been caught.

She wasn't sure if she was more angry at herself or scared. Scared that she wasn't going to make it out of this one. That she would never learn Elisabet Sobeck's fate. That she would always be a motherless outcast. That she would never see… no, she couldn't think that.

She tried not to think of him as Helis walked up to her cage.

She might as well have been naked. Dressed in only her leggings and tunic, she was vulnerable. Without her focus, she was just an ordinary hunter. A girl. Unarmed, unarmored, and disconnected from the one thing she had come to rely on.

He had sent a war party to the Sacred Lands. Teersa. Teb. The only people who had ever cared about her were in danger, facing certain death.

She was dropped into the Sun Ring. Alone. Unarmed. And with a Behemoth. Maybe she was facing certain death as well.

"Just come back, okay?" The words Erend spoke to her every time she left Meridian rung in her ears. Teb's sweet smile flashed across her mind. Teersa, leading her through All-Mother played across her memories.

She would fight.

Pillars crashed down. Her weapons and armor returned, she finally stood a chance. She took down the Behemoth, only to be met with another wave of machines. Trampling, blasting, wounding,making her bleed.

She was going to die. A tear rolled down her cheek.

She really wanted to love him.

Suddenly, the wall of the Sun Ring was blasted open. Overridden machines flooded the arena, followed by Sylens. A charger, meant for her to ride trailer behind. She leapt on, following him away from the arena. Every inch of her body hurt. She wanted to cry. From exhaustion, adrenaline, fear and relief. He gave her a new focus, a new disguise to wear should she find it necessary to return to Sunfall. Then, he was gone.

She charged towards Meridian, praying she made it before her body gave out.

Erend had been pacing along the watchtowers all day. He had nearly collapsed when he saw the smoke in the distance, heard the rumble of the explosions at Sunfall. Nevertheless, he stood vigilant, searching for any sign of her on the horizon.

"Just come back," he whispered to himself. "Just be okay. Please." He saw the glint of a charger in the distance. A flash of red, only belonging to two things he had ever seen with his own eyes. He heard her calling his name, voice ragged.

"Erend! Erend, please, open the gate!" He ran faster than he thought he could, yelling the whole way. He made it to the gate, just in time to watch her fall from her mount, slamming into the ground. He ran to her, pulling her up out of the dirt.

"Erend," she rasped. "Helis, he-" Erend interrupted her.

"He can't get you here, Aloy. You're safe." She slumped in his arms, body finally giving out.

"No one is safe, Erend. No one." Her eyes closed and he found himself holding dead weight, Aloy unconscious in his arms. He picked her up swiftly, moving as quickly as he could back to his home.

If she didn't think she was safe here, what did she know?

She woke up in the comfort of a bed. She looked around, identifying the room as the spare in Erend's home. Her armor and weapons were piled neatly in a corner, her leggings, tunic and boots remaining on.

Her boots. Despite all her sadness, fear and rage, she smiled.

There was a knock at the door. It squeaked open, Erend peeking his head through the opening.

"You're awake," he stated. Aloy nodded.

"How long?" she asked, standing up and pulling on her armor.

"A few hours. It's nightfall."

"Did anyone-"

"No. It's just been you. No one followed you."

"He sent a war party to the Sacred Lands. I have to go. The Nora, they… they aren't prepared for an attack like this."

"Is anyone?" She shook her head. Not trusting herself to speak.

"Erend…"

"I owe you, remember? My whole life?"

"I can't stay."

"Why? Why go where you know they'll be? How many times do you think you'll be able to escape, Aloy?"

"As many times as it takes to stop Helis and find out what happened to Elisabet. As many times as it takes to save the Nora." Erend scoffed.

"Yes, save the people who made you an outcast, and abandon the people who have been trying to take you in."

"I never asked for that, and you know it."

"You never had to."

"I'm always going to leave, Erend. Don't make me tell you every time."

"You don't have to! Stay! What is so wrong with that?" He stepped towards her, reaching his hand out to her shoulder. She stepped away, brushing his hand aside.

"The world and the lives of the people who belong to it are more important than what I want, Erend. I would expect the Captain of the Vanguard to understand that."

"Dammit, Aloy! Sometimes I'm not the Captain! Sometimes I'm just Erend! I'm just in… never mind." This time, she stepped toward him. She rested her head on his chest, allowing herself a moment of peace.

"I want what you want, Erend. But we… I can't. I'm not made for this. I… I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. And I don't expect you to… if you need to give up on me, I understand." He pushed her chin up gently, locking eyes with her.

"I thought I'd told you I was up for a challenge? Can't make a liar out of myself just yet. Now go, save the Nora. Just come back, okay?" He brushed a thumb gently across her cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into his hand. Just as quickly she pulled away, slinging her bow across her back and heading for the door.

"Okay!" She yelled as she ran for the city gate.


	24. Chapter 24

She was so tired. She was covered in blood, machine oil, and all the filth of the Nora homeland.

She was so tired.

A massive force of machines and Eclipse had been sent by Helis. One after another, she took them down. She made her way to the gate of Mother's Heart, staying low to the ground, moving between bushes and boulders, laying traps while staying out of sight. When she was convinced that there was enough, she stood before the gate, yelling out.

"If you want me, come and fight me!"

The gate burst open. The traps weren't enough. The Corrupters went down quickly, but the Eclipse soldiers were getting smarter. They hid behind the walls, lobbing bombs and fire at her. She had been left with no choice but to rush them. The battle had lasted longer than she had anticipated, and she had taken more hits than she had hoped she would.

She was so tired, and the battle was not yet won. She made her way up the sacred mountain, picking off the Eclipse that had been left to watch for her. As she drew closer, the ground began to rumble, and she heard the shouts of Nora warriors in the distance.

"No, no, no," she whispered as she raced up the path. There was only one machine she had known to shake the earth as it was shaking now

A Thunderjaw.

The braves were doing their best, firing arrows and spears at it, but they were no match. They didn't know the intricacies or taking one down, detaching the disc launchers and turning them against the machine, firing arrows into the weak spots at its sides.

Even worse, there were Eclipse soldiers picking the braves off one by one.

She jumped into action, taking the soldiers out from behind a boulder. Once she was certain they were dealt with, Aloy jumped out from behind the rock and fired tearblast arrows, each one finding its target in a disc launcher. She ran towards the freshly detached guns, screaming at the braves.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY! HIDE!"

The braves did what they were told, albeit slowly. Aloy hefted a launcher up to her hip, taking aim at the Thunderjaw and crushed the trigger, moving to avoid the machine's intact attacks. She dropped the launcher and ran to the second when she was out of ammo, narrowly missing a tail swipe. The second launcher emptied and the machine fell to the ground. She charged and drove her spear deep into the machine, twisting until no motion remained, save sparking and smoking coming from the beast. Slowly the Nora peeked out from behind their hiding spots, approaching her with a mixture of reverie and fear, some whispering to All-Mother, praying she hadn't been killed in the fight. A cheer broke out across the braves as she stood up from behind the machine, but she wasn't listening. She approached Varl, who told her the story of the attack, how the Nora had seen the Eclipse coming, bringing the corrupted machines with them. He told her that most of the matriarchs and the families had made it inside the mountain in time to be saved, but that many of the braves had fallen fighting the Eclipse.

"Varl, I need to go inside." He smiled at her, hope in her eyes.

"Yes! The matriarchs will want to speak with you." Aloy took a deep breath, composing herself.

"I didn't come for them."

She emerged from the mountain shaking.

She wasn't human. She _was_ human, but not born of one. She had been born of the mountain, flesh and bone forged from metal and fire. She answered the matriarch's questions without thinking, on autopilot. She was snapped out of her thoughts when the Nora began falling to their knees.

"All praise Aloy, anointed of the Nora!" She began pulling them back up to their feet, furious.

"No! No! Stop this! Up, UP! First you shun me, now this!? I will NOT be worshipped! I'm not your anointed! I don't belong to you! There's a whole world beyond your borders. Whole tribes of people just as good as you! And it's all in danger!" Her voice cracked with this statement as she thought of Erend. She couldn't stand the thought of him being taken by Eclipse, by HADES. "It's a world worth fighting for," she said, voice softer. "Not just here, everywhere." Varl stepped forward, eyes soft.

"How can we help?"

She swallowed hard, knowing what this would mean to the Nora. "If you can fight, and you're willing, go to Meridian and wait for me there."

Teersa called for the Nora to make way, and she hurried out of the mountain, whistling for a Strider at the first opportunity. She pushed the machine as hard as she could, charging toward the Bitter Climb, to the ruins of GAIA Prime, to the one place that held the secrets to defeating HADES. She was still spinning over the things she had learned beneath All-Mother. She had never had a mother. Or a father, though Rost certainly held the spot in her heart. She was a near perfect replica of Elisbet Sobek, meant to save the world. She wiped away a tear, mourning the loss of any shred of normalcy she had been holding on to. Had Sylens been right all along? Did she have the right to want for herself? Another tear ran down her cheek.

What would Erend think of her now?

He woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air and covered in cold sweat. It had been a dream that rocketed him from sleep, or rather a nightmare. He had been plagued by nightmares of Ersa following her death, watched her die over and over again, helpless. Tonight, it was a death he wasn't familiar with.

Aloy.

He watched as she fought machine after machine, until she couldn't fight any longer. The world was on fire around her as she fell to her knees. The machines overtook her, and he watched die.

He knew it wasn't real, but that didn't stop the anxiety clawing in his chest. It didn't stop him from feeling like he was drowning, underwater, unable to catch his breath. He stumbled out of bed and over to a basin of cold water, splashing it onto his face and letting it run down his bare chest. Hoping she would be back, safe in Meridian, he walked down the hall to his spare room, pushing the door open quietly. The bed was neatly made and empty. He shook his head, silently chiding himself for thinking she would be there. She wasn't meant to be contained by four walls, not while she could be out under the stars, saving the world.

He couldn't help but want it anyway. Since the first time he spoke with her, he knew.

But she wasn't his. She didn't belong to anyone.

He walked back to his room, laying back down in his bed. The feeling that something was wrong just wouldn't leave his chest.

He was going to tell her the next time he saw her.

He had to.

He loved her, no matter what.


	25. Chapter 25

He was standing at the Spire, waiting for her orders. Blameless Marad had come to him, said that Aloy needed he and the Vanguard to defend the landmark. His heart had nearly burst at the news that she had returned, that she hadn't died at the hands of the Eclipse, or trampled by some machine.

He was slightly upset that she hadn't come and asked him to defend the ridge himself. Upset and afraid, if he was being honest with himself. Marad hadn't given him any more information when he had asked, despite all of Erend's attempts. Nevertheless, Erend had gathered his men and they made their way up to the Spire. They had mapped out where they would focus defenses, where they would fall back to if overwhelmed. Erend was confident that they could hold the ridge and protect the Spire from whatever threat had Aloy worried.

The Nora arrived and all of his confidence just… disappeared. She was scared enough to ask the people who had made her an outcast for help. They were scared enough to show up. Fire and spit, he needed to see her.

A flash of red, and his wishes were answered. He wanted to run to her, to scream that he _loved_ her, to sweep her off of her feet and run away.

She would kill him for sure. He smiled at the thought of her theoretical reaction. He waited as she talked to both of the Nora groups, trying not to look desperate as she made her way towards his men. She smiled at him, and _oh, his heart._

"So, here we are again, gearing up for a fight. Only this time it sounds like the bad guys have a lot more firepower," he said. "What are we up against, really?" Uncertainty flashed across Aloy's face, and Erend's stomach fell.

"I'm not sure. But there's going to be a lot of them, and they'll have machines. And if they get past us, it's not just Meridian that will fall. The rest of the world will go with it." She swallowed, and her eyes flashed down. _Fear?_ Erend wondered. _No, determination._

"That's… big." Erend said. He turned to his men, swallowing to dispel the quiver he felt in his voice, not wanting it to escape his mouth. "Sounds like our kind of fight, right guys!? Where do they put the Vanguard?"

"At the font of the line!"

"And why?"

"Steel before iron!"

"And what are we gonna do?"

"Hit 'em like a hammer, till they can't hit back!" Erend smiled, a twinge in his chest. His sister would be proud.

"Damn right." He turned to Aloy. "You hear that? Nobody's getting past the Vanguard. We're here for Meridian. And I -We're here for you." Alpy gave him a half smile. He wanted to tell her so badly, but it wasn't the right time. He would wait until after the fight, when things had calmed down.

"Thank you, Erend. Ersa would be proud." He shrugged, trying to seem tougher than he felt.

"Only if we win." Aloy shook her head at him.

"I'm going to head back into Meridian, check the defenses again. If you're all settled here, you could… come back for dinner? Unless you're busy, or planning to stay up here until the fight is-" he laughed. She was babbling. The coming battle had her nervous.

Or was it him?

"I'd be happy to come join you for dinner, Aloy." She looked down at the ground.

"I'd better get going. I'll see you in Meridian." She took off, running full speed towards the city. He turned back towards his men, and one of them stepped forward.

"Captain, what exactly are we up against?" Erend clapped his man on the shoulder.

"I'm not sure. I know it will be hard. Maybe the hardest fight we've ever had. But no matter what comes up that hill, no matter how hard they hit us, we hit back harder. And we protect that Spire. We hold it for Meridian, for the whole world. We hold it because Aloy asked us to. And she gave us back Ersa. She defended our city, and it was no benefit to her. So no matter how hard the enemy hits us, what're we going to do!?"

"HIT IT LIKE A HAMMER, TILL IT CAN'T HIT BACK!"

They had been sitting at the table in silence, just listening to the murmurs of the people around them and trying to force themselves to eat. Aloy,because she knew what was at stake and what would happen if she failed. Erend, because he didn't know what to say to her. She was the first to break the silence.

"Erend, if I fail tomorrow-" he held his hand up.

"You won't. We won't. You're not in it alone, Aloy. You never have been."

"But Erend, if I-we do, it's the end. Of everything. Of the Nora and the Carja, the Banuk, Meridian, the Sacred Land, of me, of you… and I can't handle that thought. I can't. Not after everything we've-" Erend slid his hand across the table, laying it over hers gently.

"Aloy, we're all behind you. Every soldier in Meridian. Every brave from the Nora. Even the Banuk. Hell, Aloy, you've done things for all of us that we couldn't do for ourselves. And now, we rally around you, for whatever you need. I'm… I'm here for you, because of you. And we aren't going to fail. Because a world without you… Aloy," he squeezed her hand, his throat thick with emotion. He didn't want to think of a world without her. It was unbearable. "You should get some rest, Aloy. And I should go back to the Vanguard. They need to know things are going to be okay. And they are going to be okay. I promise." He squeezed her hand again. She was focused on breathing and trying not to cry.

"Walk me to Olin's?" she asked quietly. She stood up, Erend following.

"Of course." They walked in silence to the apartment door. Aloy pushed it open, then turned around to bury her face in Erend's chest. He wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her, memorizing every detail of this moment. She eventually began to shake with silent tears. He continued to hold her until the shaking stopped and she pulled away. He knew she wouldn't want anything soft in this moment.

"I'll see you at the Spire, tomorrow. If you see me getting my ass kicked-"

"Don't," she said. "Don't say that."

"It's going to be okay, Aloy. No matter how things turn out. Just know, we're all behind you. I'll be right there for you." She nodded, wiping tears from her face.

"I just might give you an extra minute if you can beat my machine count," she said, punching him in the shoulder. He laughed, a deep, hearty sound, and smiled at her. _That's my girl._

"You're on, little huntress." She scrunched her nose up and it took every fiber of his being not to kiss her right there on the spot.

"Get back to your men, Captain. They'll be needing you." He turned and headed towards the Spire, waving behind his back. She entered the apartment, closing the door behind her. She removed her armor, placing it strategically beside the bed. As she closed her eyes, she was calm, thinking of Erend, instead of the battle that loomed in the distance.

"Just come home safe, okay?"


	26. Chapter 26

Erend wiped the blood from his face as they cleared the last of the first wave of Eclipse. There had been no machines, just soldiers. Working together, the Nora and the Vanguard had taken them all down, despite their use of fire bombs. None of the Nora or Erend's men had been killed, just several wounded, Erend included. Just a scratch, really. He had been caught across the forehead by an Eclipse knife. It was the only hit the man managed to land before Erend cut him down.

They were dragging the dead Eclipse to a pile, making sure the battlefield was as clear as it could be to avoid slip-ups when the next wave came. As he dropped the last man, a sense of something terrible washed over Erend. He ran to one of the lookouts and saw the machines begin their attack on the ridge. He watched the Carja soldiers charge the machines, striking again and again until the machines fell to ground, nothing more than smoking piles. Bigger machines came into his line of sight, far off in the distance to him, but so much closer to the city gates. He heard Petra Forgewoman's cannon roar to life, and he knew who was behind it.

Glinthawks dove into the battle, forcing Aloy to abandon one cannon for the other, dodging attacks between firing. She rolled between cannon stations, taking out the metal birds before returning her focus to the Deathbringers in the distance. She fired away with the Oseram cannon, trying to ignore the bone rattling pain it caused her. Pain didn't matter. She had to stop HADES from getting to the Spire. She brought down machine after machine, and she watched the people around her do the same. They were winning. She was hopeful that they could hold HADES back.

Two missiles fired from a Deathbringer. That's all it took. The stone walls came crashing down around her, pieces falling on top of her. The world came in flashes of color, interrupted by moments of blacking out. Everything hurt. Everything was painful. Breathing. Thinking.

The Deathbringer made its way through the hole it had created. The last thing Aloy saw before succumbing to the darkness tearing at her vision was the entity it pulled behind itself.

HADES.

Erend fell to his knees seconds after he saw the ridge go up in smoke. He waited, holding his breath to her the whir of the Oseram cannon, but it never came back to life. He heard the screams of the dying at the ridge, the roar of the machines tearing a path to the Spire, but never the cannon. Never a sign that Aloy had made it.

He knew if she was gone, the rest would fall. There was no point in fighting. He sank further into the ground, tears pooling in his eyes. He didn't want the world to end. He didn't want to die. There was so much left for him to do. So much left for him to tell her. But if she was dead…

Suddenly, he was being pulled to his feet. Varl, the Nora brave hauled him off of the ground.

"Get up! We have to defend this place! That's what she asked us to do! She may be dead, but we can still do what she asked!" Erend went numb at the word "dead". He didn't want to exist in a world without her. She had _saved_ him. She had given him something to move forward for. How was he supposed to keep going when he knew she wouldn't be there?

" _We can't just stop moving when the people we love die. There's more for us to do."_ The words she had said to him when he was ready to die after Ersa's funeral rang through his head. In that moment he decided: for her, he would fight until his last breath.

He barely got his feet under him before the machines attacked. They blew the bridge as they came up the ridge, swarming Erend, the Vanguard and the Nora. The Eclipse came with them, weaving through the machines and finding cover where they could, loosing their arrows at those defending the Spire. Erend charged at the nearest machine, swinging at it with his hammer. Varl, Sona, the rest of the Nora and the Vanguard followed suit. They were outgunned, outnumbered and surrounded, but they fought like they were going to win no matter what.

"Aloy! Aloy! Aloy!" She opened her eyes to find Teb looking at her, his face a mixture of distress and relief.

"Teb?" She pulled herself slowly to her feet, assessing her injuries. Broken ribs, deep muscle bruises, countless cuts and scrapes.

Still alive.

"By All-Mother, you survived! I thought you were killed."

"The others, are they... " she was almost afraid to ask.

"No, no - wounded, but alive, mostly! The machines blasted through, then kept going. They marched on the Spire, dragging that… thing with them." Aloy's heart was racing. _Erend._ Her legs began moving toward the Spire on their own.

"Take care of the others, Teb. I've… got to go." She ran toward the Spire as fast as she could, repeating the same phrase over and over again. " _Just come home safe."_ She ran through the open space between the ridge and the Spire, dodging machines and fire and Eclipse. She drew closer, and red light erupted from the Spire, filling the sky. She stopped for a moment, chest heaving. "It's begun! HADES is broadcasting!" She ran again, faster than she thought she could. "If HADES has started the signal… it must have gotten through the defenses!" What had happened to Varl and Sona? Erend? What had happened to Erend? "I have to get up there." She scrambled up the rockface, ribs and aching limbs protesting. She ran up the last set of stone stairs, rounding the last corner before coming to a halt. "They're alive!"

Erend's eyes snapped up to a flash of fire coming around the corner. He thought his heart might beat out of his chest, and wondered if anyone else could hear it.

"Aloy! It's Aloy! Well - you can see that." Varl stepped forward, and Erend suddenly wished that he and Aloy were the only ones around.

"We thought you'd fallen at the ridge."

Aloy shrugged. "No, the ridge fell on me. There isn't a lot of time left. I have to face HADES." Erend's chest hurt. He had seen that… thing come up, fought as it had broken through their defenses. Now he knew he had to let her go and fight it. But he didn't have to let her go alone. Varl took the words right out of his mind.

"Not alone," Varl said. Aloy replied in typical Aloy fashion, with a line that cut Erend to his core.

"It's my fight. I can't ask you to come with me." Knowing she wouldn't want anything sentimental in this moment, not a line about how she had fought fights that weren't hers for everyone in Meridian, the Sacred Land, and probably the rest of the world, he shrugged and said something simple.

"We were just about to go over the top anyway. Right?" He turned and looked at the battered warriors around him. Varl nodded.

"Right."

"Hawk and Thrush. Let's go."

Aloy had to turn away and pick up stock from the supply boxes to ensure Erend didn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

Erend would hear the voice of HADES in his nightmares for the rest of his live. If he ever had the chance to dream again, that was. The corrupted machines just kept coming. The Deathbringer was set on taking Aloy down, and it had very nearly done that on multiple occasions. She had cried out as debris had fallen on her when the machine took out her hiding spot, and screamed when a bullet buried itself in her thigh. Erend had swung his hammer directly into a stone wall to keep himself from vomiting. They kept fighting, Aloy most ferociously of all. Finally, the Deathbringer fell.

"It's down!" Erend roared. "Time to do what you came to do, Aloy!"

She ran to the body that contained HADES. She drove her sphere into it repeatedly, finally accessing the master override. She screamed as electricity passed through her body, and Erend dropped to the ground as she thrashed. Her movement came to a stop, and the air was filled with projections. There was HADES, a woman who he heard Aloy call Gaia, and another, older woman who looked exactly like Aloy. Elisabet Sobeck. A computerized voice spoke.

"Master Override, armed. To activate, state name and rank. Aloy reached towards the woman who looked like her, speaking in a strong voice.

"Elisabet Sobeck… Alpha Prime." Erend could've cried. _You're not her,_ he wanted to scream.

"Master Override, activated. Purging extinction protocol."

It was over. They had won.

A wave of blue light erupted from the sphere that had housed HADES, taking everyone at the Spire to the ground. Aloy was the first to get back on her feet. She headed out towards the edge of the cliff. Erend followed. He moved through the brush, emerging to find her facing him, bow drawn and covered in her own blood. She relaxed her draw and turned back to the edge of the cliff, lifting the bow above her head, eliciting a massive cheer from the people gathered below. She turned back to him, a tired smile on her face.

"Someday, you'll stop sneaking up on me," she breathed. He smiled back, trying not to cry.

"Eh, I'll have to keep you on your toes somehow." His heart nearly burst at the sound of her laugh. _Now,_ he thought. _Now, or you'll never say it._

"Aloy, I -" Aloy screamed as a bolt tore through the space between her neck and her shoulder, then fell to the ground. Erend roared and turned to face the assailant, barely swinging his hammer up into the air before the Eclipse soldier loaded another bolt into his crossbow and fired it into Erend's chest. The white hot pain brought him to the ground and he looked down to find the bolt had buried itself down to the fletching in his gambeson. The soldier turned and left the cliff edge, leaving Erend screaming into the air.

He was going to die here.

He managed to drag himself to where Aloy fell, laying in a growing pool of her own blood. He propped himself against a tree and pulled her against his chest, ignoring the sharp pain as he moved her across the end of the bold protruding from his body.

"I love you," he whispered, throat thick with tears. "I love you and I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I love you." He held her as tightly as his broken body would allow as the world around him slowly went dark.


	27. Chapter 27

She wondered if Rost had suffered like this. Had he bled to death? Or had his death been almost merciful? She was freezing, and there was no energy in her body to do anything. Her ribs ached, and she could feel the blood oozing out of her thigh and shoulder. She felt a wound she didn't remember getting across her abdomen. She opened her eyes to look around her, and found herself tucked against Erend's chest. An arrow was protruding from his gambeson, and she knew it was buried deep into his chest underneath. Tears spilled from her eyes. He was still breathing, but barely. She found sleep tearing at her consciousness, but she knew it wasn't the restful kind.

"Just get home safe," she whispered.

She hoped he wasn't suffering.

Death wasn't supposed to hurt, or at least that's what he had though. Yet, here he was, in excruciating pain. He was vaguely aware of voices around him, and of a cold but comfortable weight against his chest. He was aware of every part of his body, all aching, all feeling like they were broken beyond repair. His forced his eyelids open as wide as they would, the voices around him growing louder.

"They're here! They're right here!" Teren. He knew that voice. He looked down slowly at the weight on his chest, the sight causing him more pain than any of his physical ailments.

Aloy. But an Aloy he had never seen.

She was so pale. She looked fragile, not at all like the huntress he had come to know. Her cheek was cold against his neck, and he could barely feel her breath on his skin. He looked her over, sure that if he had anything in his stomach, he would have emptied it right there. Her armor was shredded. They were both covered in her blood, which continued to seep slowly but steadily from her thigh, shoulder and abdomen.

She was dying.

Erend tried to stand, shifting her weight forward, and the pain in his chest nearly pulled him from consciousness again. He tried to take a deep breath, discovered that he couldn't and remembered. He had been _shot,_ through the _chest,_ after watching Aloy get shot.

There wasn't anything in his stomach to empty, but it tried anyway. The action caused darkness to tear at his vision again. A member of the Vanguard came into his field of sight, followed by the kind-faced Nora boy that Aloy seemed to enjoy talking to. _Teb,_ Erend remembered. The boy crouched in front of Erend and Aloy, concern flashing across his features.

"Teren," he called, "We'll need two stretchers. Quickly, please. The Captain and Aloy are… badly wounded." Erend swallowed, trying to draw breath to speak but failing. He was fading fast. Teb's face began to blur, tears and unconsciousness claiming Erend's vision. He managed to speak once, making sure to be loud enough to catch Teb's attention.

"Her first." Tears welled in Teb's eyes, and he nodded softly.

He supposed death didn't hurt, but dying was the most painful thing he had ever done.

Teb and Varl pulled Aloy gently away from his body. Suddenly, he was colder. Blood leaked from around the arrow in his chest, and Teren knelt in front of him, eyes soft. Another member of the Vanguard joined him, pulling a stretcher behind him.

"Captain," Teren said. "We have to get you back into Meridian. And I can't promise it will be an easy ride." Erend nodded slightly, drawing a shallow breath.

"She… she gets taken care of first," he rasped. Teren nodded.

"If those are your orders, Captain." Erend nodded again. The Vanguardsman lay the stretcher in front of him. "We need to move you. I'm sorry, Captain." Teren and the other soldier moved into position, Teren grabbing under his arms, while the other grabbed his feet. "On three," Teren said. "One, two -" the men lifted him up and the darkness finally won.

Teren and Rayt carried Erend into Meridian, and into the makeshift overflow hospital that had been created in Olin Delverson's apartment. "Helne! It's Erend," Teren called. "He's in bad shape."

"Put him on the table in the basement!" She called from upstairs. They did as they were told, sliding him onto a table, clean sheet beneath him. They heard Helne run from the top level of the apartment down, waited for her to reach them.

"Fire and fucking spit!" She cursed. "Get this fucking gambeson off of him. And the clothes underneath. Watch that damn arrow. Miracle he hasn't bled out yet. Must have been a real shit shot to have missed anything vital from that close. Rayt, hammer to steel if you throw up here, I'll beat you into ash before you can swing your hammer. Get out!" Rayt ran out of the room, leaving only Teren with Helne.

"Is he going to make it?" He asked.

"If I have a damn thing to say about it," she replied quietly. "Help me get him on his side. That arrow will have to be pulled all the way through. Anda! A knife! And a needle, thread and Hintergold paste!" Anda, a woman in training under Helne, ran downstairs with the things that she had been asked for, as well as boiling water, towels, and bandages. Teren had pulled Erend onto this side, knowing what was coming. Helne studied the entry point of the arrow, drawing lines with her finger across Erend's skin. She took the knife from Anda's hand, making a cut over his back. She reached back and Anda swapped the knife for an instrument resembling a tweezer. Teren turned his head as she back to push through Erend's muscle, searching for the head of the arrow.

It was at that exact moment that Erend woke up. HIs eyes locked with Terend's, wild with fear and pain.

"Helne…" Teren breathed. She nodded, already aware of what was happening.

"Keep him still, Teren. One job. Do it well." She continued to search for the arrow, digging deeper into the tissue. Erend shook, the pain excruciating. But he didn't move.

What had Aloy suffered? _Aloy._ Was she… he couldn't bare the thought.

Helne struck the tip of the arrow with her instrument, causing a jolt of pain to course through Erend's body. He ground his teeth, but remained still. He refused to be the kind of man that needed to be held down.

"Got it," Helne grunted. "This next part, Erend… well, there's no dainty way around it. It's going to hurt like absolute hell. Teren, I need him to stay still. Don't want to tear any more than we have to." Teren's grip on Erend's shoulder tightened. Erend knew he wouldn't move, but he was glad to have the man there.

"Aloy," he whispered. Teren looked down at the ground, avoiding Erend's eyes.

"She's not here," he said.

Helne gripped the arrow and pulled. Pain rocked Erend once again, but he did not move. He shed tears, but they were not for him. If she wasn't here, where was she? The arrow came free and Erend met darkness once again.


	28. Chapter 28

Aloy was freezing and on fire. She could hear whispers, murmurs around her. There was a tug at her thigh, a pinch and a stinging pain. Over and over again. She tried to move her hand to swat away the thing causing the pain, but found that her fingers were entwined in another set.

"She's waking up, Teb."

"Working as fast and cleanly as I can, Varl." Varl. Where was Erend? She tried to tug her fingers away, but found that she had no strength. She gave up, exhaling sharply as the sting returned to her thigh. She turned her head away, wincing, and was met with the smell of Hintergold emanating from her shoulder. She opened her eyes slowly and saw a bulky bandage covering the majority of her right shoulder, blood soiling the stark white of the fabric. But when had she…

The arrow. The last Eclipse soldier. Erend's horrified face.

 _Erend._

"Teb," she whispered. Teb continued to focus on her thigh, but spoke back to her in a calm, even tone.

"You're safe here, Aloy. I'm almost done stitching this wound and you can rest. The fight is over. Everyone has been cleared from the field." She swallowed slowly, drawing a small breath.

"Erend?" she asked. Teb looked up from his work, eyes locking with hers.

"They took him to Helne. She's set up across town in Olin's apartment. Aloy, he… it didn't look good. I'm sure she is doing everything that she can to save him. She stared up at the ceiling, blinking in an attempt to keep the tears filling her eyes from falling.

She shouldn't have loved him. Maybe that would have saved him. This war had taken everyone and everything she had loved. Rost. Her home. Her normalcy.

Now Erend. If he died…

Teb's needle brought her back to the present. The squeeze of Varl's hand on her own made her wish it hadn't. "There," Teb said. "Done with the worst part. Now just the dressing. The Hintergold might sting a little." he began applying the paste to her wound, which stung as promised. But Aloy sat still, focused on her breathing, trying not to think of the very real possibility of Erend's death. Teb wrapped more of the white cloth around the wound, securing it with a small pin. "All done," he said. We'll change those every day, and at some point we will take the stitches out."

"And you're going to need to stay off of that leg for at least a week. And no crutches so that shoulder gets some rest. So basically, little warrior, that means that you're stuck in a bed, doing nothing, for no less than one week." Helne said, walking through the door. Teb smiled, Varl frowned, and Aloy took a deep breath to keep herself from bursting into tears. Helne's presence meant one of two things. Varl took her breath as annoyance with the Oseram woman, and snapped at her.

"How dare you address the Anointed that way! You do not order her around like some common-" Aloy ripped her hand from his, ignoring the flare of pain it caused her.

"Like some what, Varl? Some outcast? Like some girl who isn't good enough to be talked to by the rest of society?"

"Anointed-"

"Stop calling me that, Varl! I'm not your Anointed!" Varl stood from her bedside, face contorted in anger. He left the room in a rush, not saying anything. As the door slammed shut behind him, Helne burst into laughter.

"Even laying there with most of your blood missing, you're the most fierce little warrior I've ever encountered. Let me take a look at her, Teb. You've done good work." Teb smiled, speaking softly to Aloy.

"Focus on healing, Aloy. I have a feeling this city isn't done with you yet." Aloy smiled back at him.

"Where will you go?" she asked weakly. She hadn't realized how much energy her outburst at Varl had taken. Helne stepped up beside him, patting his shoulder.

"He's going to stay here with me. Never met someone with a knack for healing quite like him. Helps that he's a stitcher, now I can stop listening to the men bitch about their scars being too jagged." Teb continued to smile shyly, seeming to seek approval from Aloy. She smiled at him again.

"That's fantastic, Teb. I'm so happy to hear that. Who knows where I would be without you here." Teb frowned, shaking his head.

"You would have pulled through," he said. "You always do. Even when the odds are stacked against you, and there's no help, or no one who will listen to you, you pull though. That's what makes you you, Aloy. And you're right, you aren't our Anointed. You don't belong to anyone." he smiled sadly, brushing some stray hair out of Aloy's face. "I'm so sorry for how the tribe treated you, Aloy. We were wrong," not waiting for a response, Teb turned and left the room. Helne stepped closer to Aloy's side, carefully examining her dressings.

"We're lucky to have that boy here," she said. "I can't be in two places at once, and I've never had someone learn as quick as him," she sat on the side of the bed, locking eyes with Aloy. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Helne, please." The woman sighed, patting Aloy gently on her uninjured arm.

"It was bad, Aloy. I won't lie to you. I'm not sure how he made it down here with that arrow in his chest. It was barbed, had to pull it all the way through. His ribs on that side are trashed, skin is so bruised it looks like a moonless sky, and he isn't moving much air through his lungs, broken nose, more cuts and bruises than I could catalogue. But he's alive. Somehow. And it's going to be work to keep him that way. He needs rest. So do you. Strict. Rest. I'll be doing what I can for him, and Teb will keep an eye on you." Tears rolled down the sides of Aloy's face, and she had to focus to keep herself from sobbing.

"When can I see him?" she asked meekly. Helne shook her head slowly.

"It could be weeks, Aloy. Weeks until you are well enough to travel across town, even longer for Erend. I'm going to have to keep him medicated for a time, make sure his wounds have enough time to begin to heal. I'm not sure who will be harder to keep down, you or him." She patted Aloy on the arm once again, standing. "I need to go back to him now, Aloy. Rest. Worrying won't do anything for either of you."She walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. Once she was sure Helne was out of earshot, Aloy wept.

She shouldn't have fallen in love with him. He would die, and she would be to blame.


	29. Chapter 29

"We have to get his fever to break," he heard Helne say. That made sense to him. His body was warm. Hot, even. His eyes were burning, even though they were closed. His throat felt dry, and everything hurt. "Isn't there any chillwater in the whole of this city!? Teb, go talk to Aloy. If anyone has any, it's that girl. Don't worry her. Don't let her get out of bed. She's recovering that thigh wound too well to blow it now. Just ask for the chillwater and come back." He heard a door open, then shut.

 _Aloy._ She had said _Aloy._ She was alive. He thought his heart was going to explode. She was alive. She was alive and _recovering._ He didn't know how long it had been since they had come down the mountain, days since she had been lifted, cold and lifeless, out of his arms. And he had heard nothing. To be fair, he hadn't asked, because he hadn't been conscious enough to. He had been medicated almost hourly, and lost in feverish nightmares. He had watched Aloy die again and again, in the same terrible way, felt the same terrible loss. Teren had watched him seize, put a leather strap between his teeth to keep him from breaking them. He had stayed by his Captain's side, helping Helne take care of him. Teb had been there too, checking his wounds and re-stitching the portions that were torn open after seizures. He had rehearsed how he would tell Aloy about Erend's death a thousand times, praying that he wouldn't have to, but expecting that he would. He only ever gave the answer "still alive" to her when she would ask how he was doing.

And she had waited. She had waited for hours, for days, for nearly three weeks, she had waited. At ten days, she had forced herself to get out of her bed. She had snuck past the Carja men and women who were tending to those still recovering from injury, though few were left. Most had returned to their old lives, to their families. They had begun to rebuild the city, re-sow their crops, and try to restore their sense of normalcy. Aloy was one of few remaining, and she didn't have a sense of normalcy to restore in the first place. She made it as far as the door to the city before she collapsed, white hot pain surging through her body. She felt a warm wet sensation under the bandage on her thigh, and looked down to find red blossoming across the white bandage. She bit her lip against the sting she felt, tears welling in her eyes not from pain or sadness, but from anger. She was angry at herself. She was angry at Helis and HADES, angry at Ted Faro,and angry at the Nora.

"Aloy!" she winced as she heard Teb call her name. He crouched down next to her, draping her arm across his shoulders and stood up, lifting her as he did. Silently, they walked slowly back to the bed Aloy had been staying in. He put her down and turned to the door. "You have to stop, Aloy. You have to stop trying to fix everything for everyone. If you made it to him, what would you have done? You would have worried him, made him feel like he had to take care of you. And what would it have done for you? You would have dragged yourself across the city with an open wound, probably gotten an infection, lost your leg, or worse, your life." He turned back to face Aloy, tears dropping down his face. "You have to stop, Aloy. We can't lose you." She took a deep breath in, trying to keep herself from crying.

"Teb, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just… Teb I didn't tell him before the battle, I could have said it over and over again, and I never did…" She stared down at the bedsheets, unsure of what to say next. Teb gently removed the dressing from her thigh, removed the torn stitches, and applied pressure to the wound.

"Hold this," he said quietly. She sat up slightly, pressing her hand into the bandage. He came back to sit on the bed with new thread and a needle, quickly re-stitching the portions of the wound that had opened. He smeared fresh Hintergold paste across her thigh, then wound fresh cloth around her leg, tying it neatly in the front. "He knows, Aloy. Even without you saying it, I'm sure he knows." She looked up at Teb, who locked eyes with her. "We've all seen the way he looks at you. Heard the way he talks about you. It's obvious he loves you. And he has to know you love him, too."

"I just… I want him to hear it from me, Teb. He saved me. Over and over again. And now, he's nearly died for me. I just want him to know." Teb covered her hand with his, smiling gently at her.

"Then all you can do is wait, Aloy. You have to wait until you are well enough to see him, and until he is well enough to handle seeing you. And I can't tell you how long that will be. I can only tell you that we are doing all we can to make sure he makes it to that point."

"I'm sorry, Teb. I… you're right." Teb smiled at her again, patting her hand.

"Rest, Aloy. That means staying in bed. This bed. Not running off to find another. And, I wouldn't let Varl hear you talking about Erend too much. Wouldn't want the Nora's war prince to cry." Aloy punched him gently on the shoulder.

"Thought I would've made my disinterest clear to him trying to writhe my way out of his death grip when I woke up here," she scoffed. Teb laughed.

"Well, not all the men of the tribe are… as good at thinking as they are fighting. Let him down easy, if you can. I'm headed back to check on Erend. Promise me you'll rest until Helne releases you?"

"I promise, Teb."

She wished she wouldn't have. Her leg wasn't healing the way Helne wanted it to, probably because of the metalburn that had come along with the wound. She had sat through dressing change after dressing change, had stitches removed, then replaced, then removed again, and watched as her muscle slowly atrophied, and the wound filled in with scab. She had stayed still, as still as she could, crafting arrows once her shoulder was healed enough to, restringing her bow once she had the strength to pull back hard enough. She had listened to Helne, and it seemed to be getting her nowhere. No one would answer her honestly when she asked about Erend, and she was left to sit with her worry. Teb visited her daily, Helne every other day, and various members of the Vanguard, Nora and royal court in between. She was fletching a set of hunting arrows when Teb entered her room. He seemed nervous.

"Aloy, do you have any Chillwater left from the fight? Helne needs some, and she can't find any in the city. They used it to put out all the fires." She narrowed her eyes at him, answering slowly.

"In my pack," she said, pointing to the corner. "What does she need Chillwater for?" Teb turned to her pack, collecting the cannisters.

"To bring down a fever, Aloy. Erend's fever. He's not doing well. Now, I need as much Chillwater as you can spare," Helne spoke as she walked through the door. Aloy sat up as fast as the wound across her stomach would allow, grimacing. Her heart was racing. "No, you can't go see him. I have to be able to keep him calm and focused on beating this infection. I need him to focus on healing, and you know damn well he won't focus on anything but you if you're there. And you're in no condition to go worry about him, either. I know it's difficult, Aloy, but you need to focus on healing, too. You're still getting there." she scooped up the Chillwater, turning to leave, but pausing in the doorway. "He loves you. And it would break his heart to see you suffer because of him." She walked away, and Teb sat on the side of the bed.

Aloy leaned forward, her face pushed against Teb's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and she _cried._


	30. Chapter 30

In his fever, he dreamed of her. He saw her on the ridge, bow raised above her head. He saw her smile at him, hair blazing in the sunlight. His heart nearly burst, swelling with pride to just _know_ her. He loved her. And now that the end of the world was over, he could tell her. He walked towards her, smiling.

The arrow ripped through her shoulder, every bit as terrible as the first time he saw it. She cried out in pain and shock, falling to the ground, blood streaming from her shoulder. Erend roared and charged towards the Eclipse soldier holding the weapon that had wounded her. He pulled his hammer back, and swung full force.

The man disappeared. Erend dropped his hammer and ran back to Aloy, falling to his knees and pulling her against his chest. Her blood ran over his hand, her skin cold against his. The cold spread throughout his body, coursed through his veins. His skin cooled as he tried to keep her warm, brushing the hair out of her face and pressing his lips gently to her forehead.

"You were supposed to come back safe," he whispered. "You were supposed to come back safe so I could tell you," he couldn't stop himself from sobbing. "I love you. I love you, Aloy." He held her closer, pressing her tightly to his chest. As she grew colder, the color faded from her face, first her cheeks, followed by lips and nose. As her chill started to seep into his bones, the color faded from from her hair, red turned to white.

All of a sudden, a shock of cold coursed through his body.

Erend gasped as he regained consciousness. The act made his chest burn, and he began coughing violently, the fire in his chest growing. He felt hands pressing into his shoulders, keeping him from bolting upright, or falling out of the bed he was laying in. A cool hand pressed against his forehead, soft yet firm.

"His fever is breaking," a voice said. Helne. He was alive. Freezing and on fire, but somehow alive. A cool cloth replaced the hand on his forehead. "Erend, I need you to relax. Give these boys a break. They've been holding you down for hours. He let himself relax back to the bed and the hands lifted off of his shoulders.

"Cold," Erend managed to whisper. His throat was dry, parched.

"You have to stay that way for a minute, Erend. You've been burning up with fever. You're in shit shape right now. Thought we were going to lose you. You and Aloy got the worst of this war, and I'm including those that died."

 _Aloy._

"Alive?" he whispered.

"Alive," Helne said. "Getting better. Slowly. Her wounds are almost as stubborn as she is. No, you can't see her. Like I told her, you have to focus on healing." His adrenaline was waning, and he was starting to feel the aftereffects of every hit he had taken during the fight. "You're going to have a long recovery. If you want to get back to being Captain of the Vanguard, you need to do it right. First things first, some water." Helne turned and walked out of the room, leaving Erend and the Vanguard in the room.

"Good to see you with your eyes open, Captain," Teren said. Erend looked at him. He looked thin, worn out, and worried.

"Don't tell me you were worried," Erend said slowly. Teren didn't reply, but looked away. Trying to lighten the mood, Erend spoke again. "You look like shit."

"Yeah, I imagine I do. Kinda hard to keep up appearances when you think your Captain and your best friend is going to die. And for the record, I look better than you. Always have. Not sure how you score the exotic outlander. Crazy and blind, I guess." Erend smiled, and Teren tried. "She loves you, you know. Hasn't stopped asking about you. Losing weight, driving herself crazy. Driving the rest of us crazy, too." Erend's heart pounded. The thought of Aloy wounded still made him want to vomit. Teren noticed the change on his Captain's face. "She's going to be fine," he said. "Focus on you getting better. We need our Captain back. And the only way Helne is going to let either of you see each other is if you get well." He turned to leave, opening the door for Helne to come back in.

"Teren," Erend said. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done. Keep them in line until I can get back." Teren wiped under his eye, catching a tear that was ready to fall.

"You've got it, Captain."

Ten days later, and she still hadn't seen Erend.

She had seen more of Varl than she could stand. She wished she was strong enough to punch him in the face. He was standing at the foot of her bed while Teb changed the dressings still covering her wounds.

"You should be coming with us!" he nearly shouted. "You belong with _your_ people. _Our_ people, Aloy! We don't belong here." She took a deep breath in through her nose, trying to keep her calm.

"Varl, I'm not going to say it again. I'm not traveling back to the Sacred Land. I don't belong with anyone. I don't belong _to_ anyone." Varl scoffed.

"You're a NORA, Aloy!" She was done.

"I exist _despite_ the Nora, Varl! You never spoke to me! You cheered when a boy hit me with a rock, laughed as he made fun of me the night before the Proving. If it hadn't been for Rost and the few people who didn't treat me like a plague, I would've died. And you would have never known. You don't get to tell me I should act like that never happened. That's not how this works. So, for the absolutely _last time_ , I will not be going back to the Sacred Land, to live among the Nora, who, for the most part, _hated_ me until they were attacked, and I was only one who would go out and do something about it. So stop trying to get me to leave. I'm going to stay here, until the city has recovered and Ere-" she stopped herself, but not before recognition flashed across Varl's face, followed in short order by anger.

"That Oseram man," he sneered. "How fitting. Two broken outcasts. Maybe he'll betray you like he betrayed his people by leaving, and you'll abandon him the way you are abandoning us," Aloy held her breath, debating jumping out of the bed and hitting him, or grabbing her bow from the floor and shooting him in the leg. But Teb stood up before she got the chance.

"Out," he said quietly. Varl laughed. Teb stepped closer to Varl, just inches of space separating them. "I said out. You're right. You don't belong here. You should go back to the Sacred Land. You and any other of the Nora who are missing home, who are afraid to be here, and who view Aloy as belonging to them. She saved us. All of us. And anyone who is less than grateful should leave. And Aloy will do what she wants. Just like everyone else. So, get out. She needs to heal. And you need to gather those who want to travel back." He turned back to Aloy and continued dressing her wounds. Varl stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. "They'll be leaving at first light tomorrow. He was talking about it last night." he spoke to her gently, dressing her shoulder gently.

"They?" she asked. Teb nodded.

"I'm staying. Helne has offered to teach me how to heal. And I told her we would work on her stitching. She's terrible." He smiled, and Aloy laughed softly.

"She said something like that. I'm glad you're staying, Teb. It will be nice to have you here."

"Who lit that boy's pants on fire?" Helne said as she walked through the door.

"All Teb," Aloy said, grinning. Helne nodded.

"About time. He's been a pain in my ass since he showed up. You ready to move, little hunter? Ceremony starts as the sun begins to set. Have to get it done before the Nora leave. Sun King's orders." Teb smiled awkwardly.

"Hadn't told her yet," he said. Aloy pushed herself up to a straighter seated position.

"Ceremony?"

"A small thank you from the city," he laughed. "Just your style. I hope you don't mind, I made your dress. Nothing that doesn't suit you, I promise. But Avad would have sent one of his tailors here, and -"

"Thank you, Teb. I'm sure it's great. But I don't think I-"

"It isn't really an option, little hunter. The whole city will be there. And the Nora, however grudgingly. And the Oseram. Loud and drunk and ready to thank you. So, let's get you cleaned up. Dressed. Ready to receive a royal thank you." Helne smiled wickedly at Aloy, who groaned.

"This city might kill me yet," she said.

Several hours later, Aloy was the cleanest she had been in months. With Teb's help, she had washed the past few months of battle from her hair and re-braided it, placing a mixture of blue and red beads throughout. She felt human again. Teb had presented her with her clothing, a light pair of blue Carja silk pants, bound with ties at the ankle, and a top made from a darker blue material, fitted closely to her form but with enough room to conceal her bandages. After she was dressed, Teb helped her into another shirt, this one oversized, flowing and open in the front, made from a sheer blue fabric interwoven with gold. She couldn't help but stare in the mirror, not quite knowing who she was looking at.

"You hate it," Teb said flatly. Aloy shook her head, the motion eliciting a twinge from her wounded shoulder.

"No," she whispered. "It's perfect, Teb. Honestly. I wouldn't have picked anything else for myself. Thank you." Teb smiled, and Helne stepped forward with a crutch.

"You'll need this. I want you taking it as easy as you can on that leg. You feel anything outside of mild discomfort and I want you to sit down. Teb will come and find me." Aloy nodded, tucking the crutch under her good arm and taking a few experimental steps. The pressure felt good, but made her realize just how much muscle she had lost.

"Might as well give them a reason to stare," she muttered. Helne laughed.

"They'll stare whether or not you're injured, little hunter. You have that effect on people. Machine tamer, hunting grounds conqueror, outsider who claimed a position in the Hunter's Lodge, savior. They're going to stare. Might as well let them stare with your head held high. Now you two get going. They'll be waiting for you." She walked out of the room, leaving Teb and Aloy. While she and Helne were talking, Teb had changed into clean clothing for the ceremony. Simple black leather pants and a red Carja silk shirt.

"You look nice, Teb. Very… exotic." Teb laughed quietly.

"A silent statement," he said. "Varl is furious with me. Said I'm 'no better than the outcasts' for wanting to stay here and help. He told me that there was plenty of work to be done in the sacred land. But he's wrong. All of our wounded have recovered, and according to the last message we got, the majority of our structures have been rebuilt. There's more need for help here than there ever was there. And I want Varl to know that I don't side with anyone who isn't willing to help others." Aloy smiled brightly at him.

"I'm glad you're here, Teb."

"Well, let's get going."

The city was bursting with color and sound. There were musicians, dancers, jugglers and assorted performers walking the streets. Teb and Aloy walked slowly through the festival, every person they passed thanking Aloy. She was annoyed with her lack of strength, of not being able to run through the crowd, but kept he calm. She kept a smile painted on her face, and thanked every person who acknowledged what she had done. Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder. She spun quickly, feeling the stress on her abdomen and leg.

"Aloy, Teb. I am pleased to see you both. Please, follow me. The Sun-King is waiting for you."

"Marad," Aloy acknowledged. She and Teb followed him through the crowd, Aloy moving just a bit slower than she had before Marad startled her. They broke through the crowd at the center of the city, a large table coming into her field of vision. Avad stood from the head of the table, spreading his arms wide. The crowd grew silent around him.

"Aloy of the Nora!" he cheered. The people around him erupted in a cheer. Aloy felt her face grow red and hot. She scanned the faces of those seated at the table, and was disappointed to not find Erend's among them. Avad approached her, arms still wide. When he reached her, he drew her body in close to his, squeezing her in a hug. She winced against the pain the gesture caused her, and Avad quickly released her. "Forgive me," he said, smiling apologetically. "I am so happy to see you alive, and recovering from your wounds."

"It's okay," she said. "I am happy to see you, too, Avad. I was worried when I saw the city walls fall…" she shuddered at the memory of the battle, finding her reaction foreign. Avad's eyes softened, a look of pity replacing his apology.

Aloy hated that she hated the feeling that had sparked it. "Please, sit," Avad said. Aloy nodded, gratefully taking a seat in a chair that had been pulled out by one of Avad's staff. Teb took the seat next to her, and a plate of greens was placed in front of them both. Aloy picked at them, finding the taste preferable to the meals she had been brought as she recovered. Teb started to slide his chair away from hers, smiling as she looked at him quizzically. There was a tap on her shoulder, and she turned her face to see Teren, smiling softly at her.

"Anyone sitting here?" a soft voice asked. Tears immediately filled her eyes, as she looked to find the source of the voice. Suddenly, Erend was beside her, in a chair with wheels instead of legs.

"Just the Captain of the Vanguard," she whispered. He smiled widely at her, and Aloy couldn't help but notice the thinness of his cheeks, the bruises under his eyes.

"Well, in that case, I'm sure he won't mind if I steal his place for a while." he slid his hand into hers, and Aloy couldn't tell if her heart was breaking or mending.


	31. Chapter 31

Teren had helped Erend get cleaned up before the ceremony. He had been moved back to his apartment the day before. He was weak, barely able to stand. But he was determined to make it. Avad had been in his room earlier, checking in on him. He had been talking about the celebration, and Erend had stopped paying attention. Then he uttered a phrase that grabbed Erend by the ears.

"Aloy will be there," he had said. Erend's eyes filled with moisture. He swallowed several times before the words he was searching for fell from his lips.

"She is doing… better, then?" Avad smiled at Erend, nodding slowly.

"Slowly, my friend. Slowly. I can't imagine how many people we would have lost if not for the two of you. Erend, I cannot begin to tell you how worried-"

"Avad, please. I don't want to think about it right now. I just want to see her alive," Erend whispered. Avad nodded, staying silent.

"Of course, my friend. I will let you get ready. He held a package out to Erend. "Teb, the Nora stitcher made these for you. Said you needed something 'more fitting' for a celebration. Teren, I trust you can get Erend to the celebration?" Avad turned and opened the door to leave, turning around to deliver one final thought. "Teren, I've left a wheeled chair outside. Please see that he isn't too stubborn to use it." He pulled the door behind him as he left. Erend unwrapped the package Avad had handed him, finding a pair of Carja-style blue pants accompanied by a darker blue shirt, intricate patterns sewn into the material with gold thread, and gold buttons at the collar and cuffs. Teb had missed no detail, sewing in symbols of all of the tribes that had come together for the sake of the world.

"That's fine work," Teren said quietly. "No wonder that boy's wounds look better than Helne's." Erend laughed quietly. "Well, let's get you up and ready. And you'll be using that chair. Don't want to get my ass kicked by Aloy if you go down during the middle of this thing. "Up you go," he said. "Bath first. Hate to tell you this, but covered in blood and dirt probably isn't the way she wants to see you after she's been losing her mind over you." He helped Erend to his bathing room and sat him down while he filled the bath. When he turned off the faucet, Erend pushed himself up out of his seat, standing shakily.

"I can bath myself, Teren. Thank you." Teren walked to the door and stood there, looking skeptically at the Captain.

"I'm staying close," he said. "Other room. Call me when you need help. Don't act like I've never seen you disrobed before." he shut the door quietly behind him. Erend pulled his clothing off slowly, grimacing with the flashes of pain it caused him. Eventually he was naked, and he lowered himself slowly into the bath, the warmth of the water easing the pain in his body. He washed the dirt and blood off of his skin and out of his hair, which he discovered was growing far too long for his taste. The water filling the tub turned the color of the water that irrigated the maizelands, and Erend wondered if he could get any cleaner in such water. He pulled the drain from the tub and waited for the water to drain completely before trying to push himself up to a standing position. To his dismay, he found that he could not. He called weakly for Teren, hanging his head in defeat as the door creaked open. Teren placed his hands under Erend's arms and pulled him to a stand. "Up you go," he said. Erend grimaced.

"Teren, I-"

"Captain, you took more hits than all of us combined that day. We owe you. We just want to help you. Let us. Can't be stronger than all of us all of the time." Erend stayed silent, but walked with Teren slowly down the hall to his bedroom. It was exhausting. He was angry. He had never been weak. He had made a point of it throughout his life, staying stronger and faster than anyone, besides his sister, then Aloy, when they had met. Now he couldn't walk unassisted. The day that he was going to see her again, after thinking she was dead, dreaming of her death over and over again.

"Snap out of it, Erend. She's not gonna care what shape you're in, just that you're alive and on the mend." Erend nodded.

"Sorry," he whispered. He pulled on his underwear, and Teren helped him with the pants Teb had made for him. "Hey, Teren, can you help me with something before we go?" The Vanguardsman nodded.

"Anything," he said. Erend ran his hand over his head, smiling.

"Can you cut my damn hair?"

The whole way to the celebration, he was convinced he was going to throw up. He had never been so nervous. They had gotten through the crowd, nearly to the center of the city when he saw hair bright as a sunrise, and all of his nerves were replaced with waves of other emotion. Teren pushed him toward the empty space at her side, and he sputtered the first thing that came to mind.

"Anyone sitting here?" he asked. A tear rolled down her cheek as they locked eyes, and Erend found his heart breaking at the sight of her.

"Just the Captain of the Vanguard," she whispered. Her eyes scanned his face as his did hers. Her face had grown thin, her skin littered with scrapes and scratches, healing, but still apparent. He felt his eyes grow wet, and forced himself to speak again.

"Well, in that case, I'm sure he won't mind if I steal his place for a while." Erend then did the most terrifying thing he had ever done: he slid his hand into hers, lacing his fingers between hers. He squeezed her hand gently, far more gently than he had ever touched anything in his life. She squeezed her hand back, and he thought he might die right there. She looked at him again, her eyes filled with an emotion that he couldn't quite read.

He couldn't walk. Was he paralyzed? Has she forgotten about one of the injuries he had sustained during the battle? Her mind was racing, and all she could do was stare at him. He squeezed her hand, and the wave of guilt she felt for dragging him into her war hit her harder than any machine could ever. She squeezed his hand back, emotion threatening to claw its way out of her throat and declare that she would leave with the Nora just to make sure she couldn't ask him to be harmed for her again. Just as she was about to speak, Avad stood from his seat.

Aloy had never been so glad to hear him speak.

"Citizens of Meridian," he began, "visitors and allies from the Oseram, Banuk, Tenakth, Utaru and Nora. We have gathered this night to feast, to celebrate and to thank each and every one of you who journeyed outside of your homes to come together under one banner: Earth. Without the efforts of all, we could not have defeated the corruption that threatened us all. Never in our history have the tribes come together in such a way, and when they tell our story, may this make our children's children proud. May they always remember that we fought not against each other, but side by side." Cheers erupted from the crowd. Avad smiles brightly at those gathered around. After a moment, the expression was replaced with a more somber one, and he spoke again. "We also gather tonight to remember those lost while defending our future. Though their numbers were few, the holes left behind are immeasurable. And to the families of those who have all of themselves to our protection, I promise you will forever be taken care of." Aloy looked around to find tears in the eyes of many. "This was an effort accomplished by many, but one is responsible for calling our tribes together, for making us see past our differences and understand that our planet does not belong to any one tribe, but to all of us, and that we must work together to keep it that way. Aloy, please stand." She sat, stunned for a moment, heat rushing to her face. Erend squeezed her hand again, whispering to her.

"You can do it. I'm right here."

She rose from her chair, surrounded by silence. Avad began to clap in her direction, slowly, but gaining speed. Marad joined, then Erend, followed by the rest of the Vanguard. Talanah and the members of the Hunter's Lodge followed, and in no time, deafening applause filled the city. Avad held his hands up after several minutes, continuing his speech.

"Your drive and determination to see this world survive saved us all, Aloy. And that is a debt that can never be repaid. But we will continue to try. Should you decide to stay though your tribe is leaving tomorrow, or if you decide to leave, please know that you will always have a home in Meridian."

The Nora were leaving tomorrow? Erend suddenly found himself unable to breathe, a tightness wrapping itself around his chest. She wouldn't leave with them, would she? She sat back down in her seat, avoiding Erend's gaze. The uneasy feeling in his chest continued to grow, sweat appearing on his brow.

"To our Vanguard: the protection you provided to our citizens is nothing short of astonishing. You gave selflessly. Our own Captain, Erend Vanguardsman , nearly lost his life in the battle. We are truly lucky to still have you here with us, Captain." He held his wine glass in Erend's direction, and the city followed.

Aloy was trying not to vomit. Avad's words had further confirmed what she had already known: Erend had nearly died for her. Any longer and she knew a machine would have taken him, whether by bullet or crush. Just as her love had killed Rost, it had nearly killed Erend.

She felt like a poison.

Avad continued to speak, praising each tribe for defending the city, the healers for protecting the wounded, but Aloy and Erend heard none of it. He knew what she was thinking. He had thought the same thing when Ersa had died: it was his fault. His love for her, and hers for him, had stolen her life. But he had been wrong, and it had been Aloy who showed that to him. He turned to speak to her, but she was already standing, turning and walking away from him. Helne appeared from the crowd behind her, and quickly found her way to Aloy's side. Teb fell into line behind the healer, and he watched as she walked away, her movement becoming more erratic with each step.

He was losing her.

He turned to Teren, who looked at Erend with more sympathy than he cared for.

"I need to go back home," he said quietly. Teren nodded, wordlessly standing to pull Erend away from table. He pushed Erend's chair quietly down the street to his apartment, pausing at the door. "Thank you, Teren," Erend whispered. "You should go home. Nothing else is happening tonight, and I should try to take care of myself."

"Captain-"

"It's not a request, Teren. It's an order from your Captain. You can't take care of me all of the time. Come back in the morning. Please, get some rest. You deserve it more than any man in the city." Teren nodded silently, turning to walk home. He twisted his head back toward Erend, several paces away.

"You have to convince her to stay, Captain." He walked down the street until Erend couldn't see him anymore, the usual light of the moon obscured by clouds. Erend unlocked his door and pushed himself inside of his apartment, standing as soon as he closed the door behind him. He felt weaker than he had when he had woken up, a combination of physical and emotional stress. He walked slowly through his home, setting water to boil for tea, placing a mug on the table.

A knock on the door interrupted him, and he walked slowly to open it, unsteady on his feet but using his surroundings to prop himself up on. He knew that behind the door was Teren, too afraid to leave him on his own, and with good reason. He unlocked the door and pulled it open, reprimand already on his lips.

"Teren, I'm being as serious as I-"

Aloy was standing on the other side of the door, leaning heavily on a crutch, eyes red from crying, breathing labored.

"Erend, I'm leaving tomorrow at first light with the Nora. I…I need to be with them to rebuild. And clearly the city needs time to recover. Who knows what me staying here will do, what psycho will be after me next. It isn't fair. Not to the city. Not to you. I mean, you almost-"

"Aloy, stop. Please. You can't just… leave." His heart was breaking with her every word. He had never wished himself dead before, but imagining a world where they were separated by choice…

"It's the best decision for everyone, Erend."

"Not for me!" He protested. She scoffed.

"You almost died because of me! For me! Do you have any idea what kind of hell I've been through not knowing if you died for me!?"

"Leaving isn't the solution, Aloy!"

"You can't know that!" She spat.

"I can, and I do! What am I supposed to do without you!?"

"Be happy? Safe? Anything that you can't do with me here!"

"You do make me happy!" He yelled. He was frantic. She laughed again, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I refuse to stay and be the reason you die, Erend. I don't need another death on my hands." She turned to limp back to her temporary apartment, to gather her things and return to the Sacred Land with the Nora.

Erend Vanguardsman then did the only thing he could think to stop her from leaving.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, her crutch tumbling to the ground. He pulled her in close to his body, disregarding the pain the motion caused him. He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb and locked eyes with her, trying to convey exactly how he felt without yelling loudly enough to wake the city.

Then, he kissed her.


	32. Chapter 32

Aloy had considered herself hard to surprise from a young age. Rost had taught her that surprise was the quickest path to death, and that the emotion would drastically decrease her reaction time when dealing with any situation. She had beaten it out of herself, expected everything, and been surprised by very little for the majority of her life.

Erend had surprised her.

She had walked back to Olin's apartment as quickly as she could, cursing her leg the whole time. She was frantic. She needed to get away from Erend before whatever was going to hunt her next got to him. Teb and Helne walked a few steps behind her. She flung the door to the apartment open, not caring that it stayed open as she made her way inside. Her leg burned and her arm was numb, the wound on her abdomen was beginning to feel wet, and she was sure her lungs were going to burst from trying to keep from crying. She stormed around the first floor, leaning on her crutch and throwing things into her bags. Teb stood in the doorframe, and Helne had moved inside, taking a seat on a bench near the door. Teb was the first to speak.

"Aloy," he said, "you can't leave. You're not healed yet. You wouldn't make -" she turned to him, tears streaming down her red face, anger and pain flashing across her features.

"Don't, Teb. Don't tell me I won't make it. Don't tell me I can't leave. I can't be here and watch anyone else suffer on my account." She turned to Helne, voice softening.

"Can he walk?" she asked. Helne nodded and Aloy thought she would crash to the floor.

"He can, little spark. Just don't want him to yet. Really didn't want you doing this much." Aloy scoffed, turning back to packing. Helne walked over to where Aloy stood, laying a hand gently on her shoulder. "He loves you, you know." More of her tears fell to the floor. She couldn't believe that he loved her. No one ever wanted her. The one person who had died protecting her, and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to forgive herself.

Maybe she didn't _want_ to be loved. Maybe she didn't want that pain again. Maybe she didn't believe that Erend could love someone who almost got him killed. What if he couldn't love her?

She wouldn't blame him.

"Even if that's true," she sobbed, "I can't be the thing that kills him." Teb stepped towards her, hand extended to rest on her shoulder.

"Aloy, you wo -"

"Teb, look at how many people have died because of me," she cried. "There's a reason I don't belong with anyone. I'm a plague, Teb. I wasn't even born from a human."

"Aloy," Teb pled. "Why would that matter to any of us? You saved our lives! You've saved mine more than once. Those of us who love you don't care where you came from." She shook her head harder, not wanting to think about had happened to people who had loved her. She pulled Teb into a hug, still sobbing.

"I have to go, Teb. I'm sorry. Please don't follow me, or try to stop me. Please." she pulled away from him, turning to Helne. The woman smiled sadly at her. "It's better this way, Helne. I don't want anyone caught up in my war. I have to do this," she whispered words she had already said to the woman in the past.

"Too late for someone not to be caught by you, little spark. You've caught us all. And we don't love you any less because you weren't born of a human mother. Don't forget that. And do right by Erend. Don't just run off. You'll break his heart in the worst way if you just leave again. And he might not be able to handle it." She brushed a tear away from Aloy's cheek. "If you have to find yourself, little spark, go find yourself. But don't forget about the people who already see you for who you are." she pressed her lips lightly to Aloy's forehead. "Go. If I've heard that you leave without going to him, I'll stitch you up myself the next time you need it." Aloy nodded, tears still streaming from her eyes. She turned to Teb, who smiled slightly at her, despite the tears spilling down his own face. "I'll miss you, Aloy. Terribly. Come back." She nodded again, not trusting her voice. Helne placed a hand on Teb's shoulder, and they left the apartment. Aloy finished packing her things, planning to take as little with her as possible.

Once she was satisfied, she turned towards the door and began walking to Erend's.

"You do make me happy!" She had known he would fight, but not like this. Why was he clinging so hard to her?

Could he truly love her? No. He didn't know what she was.

She wouldn't be the reason he died. She refused to have any more of his blood on her hands. She turned to leave, to get her things and leave the city of Meridian. Suddenly, his hand was on her wrist, his skin hot on hers. Electric, like wiring a sparker the wrong way, the current buzzing beneath her skin. He pulled her back to him, fingertips sliding up her arm. She was against his chest now, and his hand slid up to her face. He wiped a tear from her cheek, his calloused thumb much softer than she could have imagined, still burning against her skin where contact was made. He pushed her chin up gently, and their eyes locked. She wished her focus could tell her what he was thinking, because she had never seen this look in someone's eyes. He looked at her with a combination of fear and reverence, and she found her breath short, heat pooling in the pit of her stomach.

She needed to leave. She would hurt him, just like she had hurt Rost. But he was holding her to this spot, not with physical force, but with a sense of gravity.

She couldn't love him. It would kill him. She blinked and more tears dropped down her cheeks. Erend leaned in closer, his breath hot and fast against her skin.

Then, he kissed her.

His lips moved against hers slowly at first. When she didn't pull away from him, he moved with more urgency. He pulled her in closer to his body with a hand on the small of her back, chest aching against her body. He slid his fingertips up her back, brushing along her spine and coming to rest on the back of her neck, twisting his fingers gently into her hair. She gasped at the shiver that this action sent through her body, her lips parting ever so slightly.

Erend nearly dropped to his knees.

He nipped at her lower lip, just enough pressure to elicit a low moan on her breath. She thought she might melt into him; his skin was so hot against hers, even through her Nora leather armor. Her hands slid up to his chest, and she found herself aware of how much muscle atrophy he had experienced since the battle with HADES. She pressed her palms into him, fingertips wandering out as far as she could stretch them. She longed to trace every fiber of his musculature, to creep her hands down to his abdomen, his hips.

But she stopped.

Erend wished she wouldn't have. Her fingers were electric, every touch a shock keeping his heart beating. He brought his hands up to the sides of her face, softening his kiss. He pulled his lips from hers, heart aching. She rested her forehead against his, breathing quick and shallow.

"Aloy," he said. She shook her head against his.

"Erend, I have to go. I have to." he shook his head now, grasping her hands in his.

"Stay," he said. "Please, I -" the words he wanted to say seemed stuck in his throat. _I love you. I've loved you since I first saw you. I love you. And I only told you when I thought you were dead. I love you._

"I can't, Erend. I can't stay. I have to… there's something I have to do, before all of this is… really over for me. I'm -"

"Don't," he said. "Don't say sorry. You still owe me those two minutes, right? Stay the night. Let me talk to you. Please. One night. Can't be longer than two minutes, can it?" he was trying to keep the note of heartbreak from slipping into his voice, but she heard it anyway, her own shattering inside her chest. She _loved_ him.

"Two minutes," she said quietly. "Just tonight. I'll be leaving in the morning, that's final." He thought his ears had heard wrong, but she bent down gingerly to retrieve her crutch, then walked inside of Erend's apartment. "Well, are you coming inside or are you going to stand out there all night? Clock is ticking." he turned toward her, standing in the middle of his living room, smiling sadly at him. He walked to her, as quickly as his legs would carry him, coming nose to nose with her, cradling the back of her head in his hands, and he kissed her again. She smiled as he pulled back from her, but as they locked eyes her smile faded, replaced with something both sad and fierce. "Do you have the tea that Helne makes? I have a lot to tell you, and not much time." He nodded, and turned to the kettle he had set to boil before she showed up at his door. He pulled another mug from a cabinet, reaching with the wrong arm and drawing a sharp breath with the pain that it caused him. She pulled the mug from his hands and began making the tea bags. "Sit," she said with a tremble in her voice. "You're still hurt." He did as she asked, sitting gingerly in the wheeled chair. She prepared the tea in silence, handing him a mug and pulled one of the chairs from his table to sit across from him.

"Thank you," he said. She nodded, sipping from her mug. An awkward silence hung between the two of them. "Did you find your mother?" he blurted. The look that flashed across her face caused him to immediately regret asking.

"Turns out I never had one," she whispered. "I'm not born from any human. I'm a perfect copy of her, Dr. Sobek, born from a mountain. I'm not even really my own person." A single tear rolled down her cheek, and Aloy hastily wiped it away. Erend sat in silence for a moment, both saddened at what she thought of herself and angry that she thought it.

"Did she climb Tallnecks?" Aloy looked up from her tea, confusion on her face.

"She wouldn't have had to."

"What about shooting a bow? Was she good at that?"

"No? I haven't found any documents or memory files stating she had used a bow."

"Hm. And what about riding machines after taming them?"

"Dammit, Erend, no! She was too busy creating Zero Dawn! Why are you asking about her!?" he looked down at his cup, shrugging.

"Just sounds like you're a completely different person than she was. That's all."

"Erend, I wasn't even born from a human."

"Well, my parents left Ersa and I before I could even hold my head up to see what they looked like. So, as origins go, you'll have to try for something more shocking than not having birth parents. You had a father, as far as I'm concerned. Rost. And he saved you. Sacrificed for you. That is as parental as it gets as far as I think." They sat in silence for some time, before Aloy slipped her hand into his.

"There's so much more to tell you," she whispered. "And I'm so afraid of what you'll think of me after." he squeezed her hand gently, shaking his head.

"The Carja don't think any less of the sun when it's covered in clouds. They just wait for it to shine. Why would it be any different with you?" Aloy burst into tears, sobs wracking her body.

She wanted to love him so badly.

They were up for hours, Aloy telling him everything that she had been through, every detail of her life. He was captivated by her words, by her stories, and most of all by her. He comforted her, assured her at every turn that there was nothing she could say that would change how he perceived her. She cried. She was angry. She was scared. And she showed him all of it. And still, she burned like a fire, brighter than any he had ever seen.

He held her when she was finished talking, brushing his fingers through her hair, traced lazy circles on the back of her neck and shoulders. "Stay," he whispered.

"There's something I have to finish. And I don't know how long it will take. I can't stay, and I can't promise I'll be back." his heart was breaking, but he wanted every second with her that he could have.

"Well, I have at least one more minute left with you. You promised." he stood slowly from his chair, taking her by the hand and walking down the hall to his room. He pulled the door open slowly, lighting a lamp just on the other side of the doorframe. He pulled off the clothing that Teb had crafted for him, leaving only his light linen pants. He then turned to Aloy, reaching slowly for the ties in her armor. "Is this okay?" he asked gently. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. He removed her armor, piece by piece and stacked them neatly atop a chair in the corner. She slipped off her boots as he tugged her brown undershirt over her head, leaving her in her breastband and leggings. He winced at the sight of her wounds, still healing and unbandaged. He traced the edges of wound between her shoulder and neck lightly, shaking. "I thought you had died. It was the worst moment of my life." Her fingertips brushed across his stomach, winding up to his chest again. She gently unwrapped the bandage that was tied across him, drawing a sharp breath as her fingers brushed across the arrow exit wound on his back.

"No one would tell me how you were," she said. "I thought you had died and they were worried it would kill me. Then Helne came asking for the Chillwater, and -"

"Everything is okay now. We're alive, Aloy." He pulled her into his bed, gently, laying on his side. She curled up to him, her back to his chest, and he laid his hand on her ribs. He couldn't believe that she was with him, that he was touching her, and she wasn't shying away.

Slowly, they fell asleep to the sound of the other breathing.

When Erend woke in the morning, she was gone.


	33. Chapter 33

There had been no report of her for nearly two weeks. He had asked Avad again and again if her description had come through any of the surrounding settlements, asked Marad if he had heard any whispers in the city.

The answer was always no.

He was healing, physically. Emotionally, he wasn't sure if he would ever be the same.

In the calm, he had time to think about everything that had happened. His sister, gone. His city, all but destroyed. His heart?

Broken. And he was angry about it. He was angry at her for leaving again. He was angrier at himself for thinking that he could convince her to stay. She had told him over and over again that she would leave, and he refused to believe her.

It was childish, really. To be told something over and over again, only to believe you could defy it. Ersa would've chided him for it.

Nevertheless, he wanted her to come back. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to fight with her, if that would bring her back to him. He kept asking his men if they had heard of her return, if any whispers had come their way, and still the answer was no.

He turned to drinking again, once he was well enough to walk the streets and return to his home by himself. His men resumed trailing him, Teren started paying off bartenders and owners. Avad resumed being concerned. He sent Marad to summon him one morning, after Teren had voiced his concern about the Captain. Marad walked to Erend's home, and knocked on the door. He heard shuffling inside, followed by heavy footsteps, falling in a messy pattern. Erend pulled the door open slowly, shielding his eyes against the light of the sun. He smelled of alcohol, and Marad took a small step back from the door.

"His Radiance requests your presence at the Palace of the Sun, Erend Vanguardsman. I suggest you… clean yourself up before arriving. He wishes for you to be there within the hour, or shortly after." He turned to make his way back to the palace, and Erend pulled the door open wider.

"Marad," he croaked. The man stopped mid-step and turned back around, shaking his head at Erend.

"I'm sorry, Erend. I haven't heard anything of her." Erend nodded and shut the door, turning to place his back against it. He slid down to the floor, dropping his head into his hands and sobbing. Eventually, he stood and forced himself to get ready to see Avad.

The Sun-King was sitting on a lounge chair, examining a document. He looked up at Erend as he approached, and lay the document down by his side.

"My friend," he said. "Please, sit." Erend did as he was asked, sitting across the table from Avad. He pushed a tray of fruit, cheese and bread toward the Captain. Erend nodded, eating small bites, trying to soak up the alcohol still in his stomach. He felt terrible. Avad spoke again, softly. "We are worried about you, Erend. You can't continue acting like this. You've been… unreliable since your return to the Vanguard. You've been drinking too much. You aren't yourself. Please, if you need more time, if you need to talk to someone, you need only ask." Erend put down the piece of bread he had taken a bite out of, swallowing what was in his mouth. He looked up at Avad, finding his face full of genuine concern. He took a deep breath, and spoke.

"Have you… ever had your heart broken, Avad?" Pain flashed across the King's features, and he nodded.

"Your sister's death, Erend. It cut me to my core. To know that I will never see her again, never hear her laugh, or hide as she lectures me… " he trailed off, looking down at the ground. Erend nodded, the edges of the wound Ersa had left in his chest pulling tight, threatening to burst open. "Is that what this is, Erend? Your behavior? Heartbreak?" Tears sprang to fill Erend's vision as he nodded.

"I love her, Avad. More than I thought I could love anyone. And I'm… angry at her. After everything, after we both… almost _died_ , I thought… I really thought she would stay. And without her here, it's like all the purpose is just… gone. From everything. And I don't know what to do with that." He dropped his gaze to the floor, running a hand through his hair. Avad sighed.

"Oh, Erend. My friend. I did not know you had such feelings for her. Have you told her?" Erend looked back up at him, an incredulous look flashing across his features.

"She's stayed with me. I've followed her into a battle that none of us expected to survive. I've taken care of her. Of course I've told her. Over and over again." A hint of anger crept into his voice, and Avad placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You've shown her, my friend. But have you said it out loud to her? She was raised as an outcast, she wasn't allowed to live among the people who would have showed her what love like this was. She had only her guardian." Erend's jaw dropped. How could he have been so stupid?

"She will come back, Erend. She is drawn to you. And you will have to tell her if you want anything to change. In the meantime, you have to live for you. Improve yourself for you, to be better for her. And for the Vanguard, Erend. You can't keep drinking yourself out of feeling. It isn't responsible and it isn't healthy." Erend nodded, swallowing hard.

"Avad, I'm -" the Sun-King held his hand up, smiling at his friend.

"Please, don't apologize. It has been a trying time for us all. Now, comes the more difficult part: rebuilding. If you need anything, Erend, you only have to ask." Avad stood and Erend followed. He pulled the Oseram man into a hug, patting him on the back. "I am so glad you are alive, my friend. Now, go start living."

Another month had passed, and Erend was getting stronger. He resumed training, both with his men and outside of the Vanguard. He wasn't sure he would ever be the same as he was before the fight, but he was doing everything he could to get better. He wasn't drinking every night, and limited himself to one brew when he went out with his men. He was becoming a better Captain. His home was clean, he wasn't eating bar food, and his men had developed a new sense of respect for their Captain.

There was still no word of Aloy.

She had left him in the middle of the night, several hours after they had fallen asleep. His arm was draped across her body, and she found the weight comfortable. She wished that she could stay, that she could tell him how she felt about her.

But she had to leave. She needed to do something before she could let herself explore the way she felt for him.

She had lifted his arm off of her as gently as she could, rolling away softly before tucking a pillow under his arm where she had lay. She pulled her clothing back on, walked slowly down the hall, and set a mug with a tea bag out, hoping that he knew this meant she cared and would come back. She had made her way to Olin's apartment to collect her things. Her body ached as she pulled her pack on, but she wouldn't let it stop her. She made her way to the city gate, sticking to the shadows. Once outside, she whistled for a Strider and began her trek. At first, her body protested every step of the machine. Eventually, she fell back into a comfortable rhythm, bouncing slightly in step with the machine. She didn't make it as far as she wanted to through Carja territory, and ended up stopping to camp just outside of a quarry that she had once fought a Rockbreaker at. She didn't bother setting up her tent, as the night was warm and it would be dawn soon. She unrolled her bedroll and lowered her body gingerly to the ground.

"Spoiled by a damn bed," she muttered. "Soft, Aloy." She closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly.

She continued on, only able to travel for a day or two before needing to rest. She was frustrated, disappointed that she hadn't fully recovered yet, and worried that the task she was trying to accomplish would be too much for her.

But she had to find Elisabet Sobek. When she had seen the footage of Dr. Sobek sacrificing herself to seal a door in hopes that others would survive, she knew that she had to find her. Whatever remnant of her being was left, Aloy was determined to find it. She had tried to find significant places using her focus, places that she might have gone as she watched the world end, waited for her own demise.

Finally, she felt like she was close. As she rode her Strider slowly towards the location marked on her focus, she listened to files from Elisabet that had been restored on her focus.

"...she said I had to care. She said 'Elisabet, being smart will count for nothing if you don't make the world better. You have to use your smarts to count for something, to serve life, not death.'"

"You often tell stories of your mother. But you are childless."

"I never had time. I guess it was for the best." She wasn't sure how, but Aloy's heart was breaking and mending all at once. It was heartbreaking, that she had been motherless and Elisabet childless in their own time, but were connected as their own strange sort of family through time. She wiped tears from under her eyes as she continued to listen to the audio files.

"If you had a child, Elisabet, what would you have wished for him or her?"

"I guess… I would have wanted _her_ to be… curious. And willful - unstoppable, even… but with enough compassion to… heal the world. Just a little bit." The transmission ended and Aloy found herself sitting atop her Strider, exactly where she had hoped she would be. A sign she passed red "Sobek Ranch". She wiped a tear away as she tapped her focus, scanning a figure that was preserved on a bench, seated, body position almost peaceful.

 _Elisabet Sobek,_ her name badge read. She had finally found her, the woman whose genetic information Aloy carried. She examined the projection of the woman's face, so similar to her own but older, peaceful, but with evidence of the burden she had shouldered written across her brow. Aloy leaned closer to the suit of armor, identical to hers, and a small orb on the ground beneath the bench. She picked it up, smiling and sad at the same time. It was a model of the Earth, small and round, blue and green. She pressed it softly to her chest, tears trailing down her cheeks.

She had done what she had set out to do.

Now, it was time to figure out what she really wanted.

It took Aloy another month to travel back to Meridian. She was still paying for not letting her body heal completely before heading out, having to stop frequently, finding her muscles cramping and her joints screaming for a stretch. She was only fast enough to hunt slow animals, and she knew her lack of food was contributing to her lack of healing and energy, but couldn't do anything about it. She gathered what plants she could, but found herself longing for the fruits and vegetables of Meridian. She wondered if Erend had a garden.

She also wondered if he was doing better, and if he would ever want to see her again. She had told him she would be leaving, but the way that he had held her as he was sleeping indicated that he didn't believe her. She wondered if he would ever want to hold her like that again, if she would ever get to the feel the warmth of his skin against hers…

She didn't allow herself to think about him often, or for long when she did. She focused on surviving, on avoiding bandits and on keeping herself hydrated and fed. She focused on repairing her mount when needed, and on finding shelter during the night. She traveled slowly, but safely, back towards Meridian, avoiding the gates that lay at certain points outside of the city walls. Nearly two months after finding Elisabet, she saw the gates to Meridian. She dismounted, patting the machine gently to usher it away. She didn't want to use the main gate for fear of being sighted, even in the darkness of the night that was falling across the sky. She crawled up to the city and through the building that Dervahl had rigged to explode during his attack on the city. She walked quickly but carefully through the city streets, head down and hair covered with a blue scarf. She was relieved when she saw Erend's home, lights burning. She thought about slipping in through a window, but figured she shouldn't sneak up on him, not after being gone so long with little to no explanation. She took a deep breath and stood in front of his door. Trembling, she raised her fist to the door, and knocked. She heard the doorknob turning, and took another deep breath, readying herself to come face to face with Erend. The door opened, and Aloy brought her eyes up.

"I - I'm sorry, can I help you?" A woman, slightly shorter than Aloy, blonde and beautiful, had pulled the door open. Aloy stumbled backwards, confused. She was sure that she had come to the right home. Had she really forgotten? Had he moved?

"I'm sorry, I must have the wrong house. I thought-"

An arm clothed in a cream colored shirt with orange stripes wrapped its way around the woman's waist. The door opened wider, and Aloy could've sworn someone had just shot an arrow into her chest.

"Miri, what's-" Erend's jaw dropped open as his eyes fell upon her. He stepped in front of the woman he had referred to, tears springing to his eyes. It couldn't be her. She had to be dead. It had been months, _months_ since anyone had seen or heard of her. Yet here she was, standing in front of him.

 _Oh_. She was running from him. The scarf that had been wrapped around her head slipped off, falling gently to the ground behind her.

The sight of her red hair was enough to drop him to his knees.


	34. Chapter 34

Aloy wondered how her chest could hurt as badly as it did without there being a physical wound. She had hurt when Rost had died, but this was different. She had always known that _eventually_ , she would be without Rost. But she thought that it was different with Erend. It _was_ different with Erend. She had loved Rost, yes, but in a way that was completely different from the way that she… _loved_ Erend. She hadn't wanted to admit it, she had been afraid of the feeling because of the feelings it could bring, but she felt it nonetheless. She had run from it, tried to hide, but it had sunk deep into her bones. She had been ready to tell him, ready to try and become someone who _belonged_ somewhere, less of an outcast.

And now, she had lost him.

She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, not worried about the pulled muscles that she would feel tomorrow. She needed to get away from his home, from him. She ran to Olin's old apartment, praying under her breath that it remained unoccupied. The door was still broken, indicating that no one had taken up residence within. She slipped inside and ran up the stairs to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed. She took a few deep, shaky breaths, telling herself she wasn't going to cry. She slowly pulled off her armor, laying it carefully on top of the chair next to the bed, boots last. She curled up on the bed, pulling the blanket up over her body. She thought of all the things that she could fill her time with now, instead of trying to build a relationship with Erend. She could explore, venture North to Ban-Ur. She could figure out how to make the machines useful, to help rebuild the city, maybe even plant and harvest crops. She thought of all these things in silence, trying to keep her mind off of how badly her chest hurt.

Erend was aware of a dull roaring sound around him, coming and going like a tide. It was only the sound of Miri's voice telling him to "calm down" that he realized the sound was coming from him, the sound of his frantic breathing in and out. His face was warm and wet, tears streaming from his eyes. Miri knelt down in front of him and suddenly he was disgusted with himself. He had abandoned the thought that Aloy was ever coming back. He was angry, lonely and upset, resigned to the fact that she was dead. He had grown tired of being alone and sat in bars, never drinking more than he could handle but enjoying being around the people of Meridian. She was there often, sitting at the end of the bar, drinking only one glass of the sweetest brew offered in the city. He felt her eyes study him on more than one occasion, and he couldn't lie to himself about liking the attention. He had liked making her laugh, making her blush. Getting her to come home with him had been easy, and he found himself liking the ease. Getting her into his bed had been easier, and something Erend had enjoyed. He enjoyed the feel of her soft skin against his, her fingertips tracing down his spine. As much as he hated to admit it, it was easy to push thoughts of Aloy with the feelings of pleasure Miri made him feel. He was never sure what exactly she was to him, or him to her, but that didn't bother him. She didn't stay with him at first, but as they saw each other more she would stay until morning. Within the past two weeks, she had been staying multiple days at a time. He enjoyed having her in his home. He enjoyed not waking up alone, having another body against his. He enjoyed having someone to look forward to.

He knew that he hadn't properly mourned Aloy. He wasn't ready to be that person, to pull the bandage off of the gaping wound that she had left him with. He knew he would break, every part of him that had been touched by her would open and bleed. He pushed those thoughts away and pulled Miri closer, filling his senses with her instead of with pain.

She had been with him for nearly a week when there was a knock on the door. He was making tea, and Miri beat him to the door. He set the cups of tea down and walked over behind her, a familiar yet distant voice drifting through the doorframe and entering his ears. He slid his arm around Miri's waist, not caring if anyone at the door saw him. He was done avoiding everyone, Teb and Helne included, for fear of a disappointed glance.

His heart stopped as he pulled the door open wider, and Aloy's eyes met his. He was certain his was seeing wrong, stepping in front of Miri. She was still for a moment, then turned and ran. The blue scarf pulled around her head came untied, falling slowly to the ground, and any doubt that he had been staring at Aloy disappeared. He fell to his knees, mind reeling, heart pounding. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Miri dropped to the ground in front of him, rubbing her hands across his shoulders.

"Calm down," she said. "Breathe. Erend, what is wrong? Who was that?" he almost laughed, how could this woman not know the _savior_ of Meridian? He looked up at her, tears streaming down his face.

"Miri, I'm so sorry."

Aloy heard footsteps, soft and hesitant falling on the floor below. She pulled her bow closer to her, thumbing the end of an arrow gently. She listened to the footsteps move up the stairs, then pause.

"Aloy?" her heart jumped at the sound of Teb's voice. She walked to the top of the stairs and stood, hoping she didn't look as defeated as she felt.

"Teb," she said. Her voice broke, and he ran the rest of the stairs, pulling her into a tight hug. She leaned into him, and could do nothing about the tears that were running down her face.

"I knew you would come back," he said. "I'm so happy to see you, Aloy. We've been so worried that we would never see you again. We thought you were dead, Aloy. Erend will want to know that you are here!" At the mention of his name, Aloy sobbed. Teb pushed her gently backwards, just enough to make eye contact with her. "Aloy, what's wrong?" She took a deep breath and told him what had happened.

"Aloy, I'm so sorry. I thought… honestly I don't know what I thought. He stopped coming around to see Helne and I, and he wasn't going out as often, but I never thought…oh, Aloy. I'm so sorry." Aloy nodded softly, trying to keep herself from crying harder than she already had. Teb pulled her into a hug again, her face pressed up against his shoulder. They sat in silence, a sob breaking through the quiet every so often.

They heard someone walk into the front room, and Aloy pulled herself away and grabbed her spear, stepping in front of Teb and into the upstairs hallway. She heard the intruder begin to walk up the stairs and she crouched, waiting for whoever it was to pass the window. She gripped her spear tighter as she waited, the dark figure growing closer. The moonlight shone through the window, illuminating Erend's face. Aloy wanted to turn and run, to go as far away as her legs would carry her, but she stayed.

The pain on Erend's face was nothing compared to what he was feeling. It was the sister sized hole in his chest set ablaze, all of the metalburn from the great battle come alive again.

It was watching the woman he _loved_ look at him with an expression full of hurt and mistrust.

"Aloy," he breathed. The sound was ragged, rough. She inhaled sharply, guarding herself against the growing pain in her chest and the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. She took a deep breath to steady herself, unsure that she could speak without her voice betraying her. Teb walked down the hall from the bedroom, placing his hand gently against Aloy's shoulder.

"If you need me, Aloy, I'll be outside," he said. His voice was full of an authority that Aloy hadn't heard before. He walked slowly down the stairs, making eye contact with Erend until he passed him.

"What do you want, Erend?" her voice was sharp at the edges, but Erend could hear the pain she was trying to hide. He swallowed hard, knowing he was going to have to work for this, work for her. But he was ready for that.

"You, Aloy," he whispered. "I want you."


	35. Chapter 35

"You, Aloy," he whispered. "I want you." She looked at him and the sadness in her eyes nearly brought him to the ground. "I've always wanted you. But you left, Aloy. You left and we had no way of knowing if you were alive or dead. There was no word of you, no tales of machines being tamed, no bandit camps being cleared, nothing. How -"

"If I was dead, you would have known, Erend." Her voice was shaky, but strong. Erend winced, knowing that her statement was true. Any bandit who would've brought her down would have celebrated, and the Shadow Carja that remained would have traveled the world with her corpse. He shook at the thought.

"Can we sit somewhere?"

"No."

"Aloy, please."

"Fine." She turned and walked back to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed. Erend sat in the chair across the room. In the low lamp light, Aloy could see that his eyes were red and puffy. He had been crying. His hands were clenched tightly and resting on his lap, knuckles white.

"You've been gone for almost half the year, Aloy. That night… I know it was stupid, but I really, really thought you were going to stay. But I woke up, and you were gone. Just like that. Like I had meant nothing. And I was hurt. I was angry. And you just… you disappeared. No note left. No letters, no whispers of you on the wind, no tales of you taming machines or clearing out what was left of the Shadow Carja. Not even Marad could gather any information on where you were. I drank myself stupid, Aloy. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to handle any of the feelings that you left me with. Avad should've gotten rid of me, honestly. But he gave me another chance. I stopped drinking all the time, I worked on myself. I became Captain of the Vanguard again. But always, you were there, in the back of my mind. Were you dead? Were you captured? What kind of terrible torture were the Shadow Carja putting you through? How would I find out what had happened to you? Would it be some nameless man, captured by one of my men? Would I have to listen to him talk about how he had killed you from behind the bars of his prison cell? Would I kill him or vomit first? All of this, Aloy. All of this went through my head. It kept me awake. It made me sick. It made me want to drink. It made me want to forget everything. And then Miri, she was just… she was there, Aloy. She was comfortable. She was someone to talk to. And I know how wrong it was, to use her like that. I know. But it's the only thing that kept me from killing myself over you. Over the thought of losing you." he dropped his head into his hands, unable to stop tears from running down his face. Aloy stared at him, mind and heart racing, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She was hurt, angry, scared. But through all of the feelings rushing through her, one stood out.

Love.

"Erend," she whispered. He looked up at her, a pained expression on his face. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so, so sorry. I wasn't thinking about what anyone else - about what you were thinking while I was gone. I needed to find Elisabet, Erend. I needed to. I couldn't… I couldn't move on unless I did. I couldn't be anyone else but the girl who didn't have a mother. I couldn't stay in one place. I couldn't be around people who would be happy to have me around. I couldn't be around you, Erend. I couldn't."

"Why me?" he asked. She laughed.

"Because I could stay with you, Erend. I could be comfortable with you. I could forget about everything I had set out to do. And I couldn't let myself do that. I… can't let myself do that, Erend." he stood up from his chair with her last statement. He wasn't going to let her leave again, not without telling her how he felt. It would kill him. He walked to where she was sitting and crouched in front of her, their eyes level. He brought his hands gently to the sides of her face, her skin cool against his palms. He took a deep breath.

"I'm not going to stop you from leaving, Aloy. I'm not. You are your own person. You don't belong to anyone. But if you decided to make a home here, Aloy, I can promise you that you would never feel like an outcast. You would never be alone, never be left out. I wouldn't let you feel like you've felt before. Never again. You aren't an outcast here. You aren't an outcast to me." He wiped a tear from under her eye with his thumb.

"Then what am I?" she whispered. Erend's breath caught in his throat, and he had to swallow hard to keep himself from crying.

"Aloy. You're Aloy. You're the first friendly face I saw in the Nora territory. You're the woman that found my sister. You're the woman that saved the WORLD. You're the woman that saved me, Aloy. Over and over and over again. You're everything. You're absolutely everything." Aloy was sobbing at this point, and Erend pulled her into his chest, his hand gently pressed against the back of her head.

"No one has ever wanted me, Erend." she cried into his shoulder. He wished that he could destroy everything that had ever wounded her, everything that had ever made her feel like she was anything less than amazing. His heart was breaking, a single crack spider-webbing with the realization that she had never been told how wonderful she was by anyone but him.

"I want you, Aloy. Since the day I met you. Since the second my eyes met yours. I've wanted you every minute since then."

"But why, Erend? It doesn't make sense." Erend brought his hands to her shoulders, gently pushing her back until they were staring at each other.

"Because I love you, Aloy. I love you."


	36. Chapter 36

"Because I love you, Aloy. I love you." a tear rolled down his cheek. He had done it. He had put his heart on the line, told her how he felt. He had invited the universe to cut him open again, to wound him as it had done with his sister. He held his breath, setting his jaw against the silence that echoed throughout the room. Several seconds passed, and Aloy began to sob again. He pulled her back into his chest, running his fingers through her hair, soaking in every moment he could with her. He pressed his lips against the top of her head, hoping she would stay just a little bit longer. She began to take deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly in an attempt to calm herself. She pulled at the back of Erend's shirt, trying to pull herself closer to him. He was comfortable, he made her feel safe. He made her feel like she could have a home, something to come back to when her next quest came to an end, and every one that would follow.

But what would happen to him if she loved him? And what would happen if he wouldn't wait?

"Erend," she whispered into his chest. She pulled back slightly, meeting his eyes for a brief second before glancing down at the ground. "You shouldn't. You shouldn't love me. Rost… he loved me and it… it killed him, Erend. And that will always be the thing about him I remember. That he died because of me. I killed him." Erend pulled her back into his chest, holding her like he was armor and hoping that he could protect her from the world.

"Aloy, no. You didn't kill him. He chose to protect you. He knew what he was doing. He made his choice, and he did it because he _wanted to,_ Aloy. The same reason the Vanguard followed you into battle. The same reason Avad listened to you when you told him that it was _his_ responsibility to help you in saving the world. The same reason Nil, crazy killer that he is, followed you. Because they all - we all - _chose_ to. You're a light, Aloy. A beacon." She sobbed quietly against his shoulder, clinging to the shoulder of his shirt. He lifted a hand slowly to the back of her head, gently combing his fingers through her hair. They sat like this for several minutes, Aloy shaking with tears against Erend, her sobs growing quieter as time passed.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sorry, Erend, but I need some time to think about this. And you… you need some time, too. You have to decide if it's me you want or if… if you're just lonely. I'm not a cure for that. No one is a cure for that. I want to be with you, Erend. You're the reason I came back here. But I'll always be coming back here. I can't stay, not forever. And you have to decide if that's something you can live with." Erend wasn't sure he was breathing. He was _losing_ her. And it was his fault.

"Aloy, I _have_ decided. Please." She shook her head, slowly.

"Not now, Erend. I really need you to think about this. Because -" she cut herself off, not willing to admit that she felt the way she did about him. "We can talk more another day. Right now, I'm hurt, and angry, and scared. And I'm exhausted. And everything hurts. So please, Erend. Please." She pulled herself back from him, standing up. Erend followed suit, willing himself to do what she was asking, even though it was killing him. He looked at her once again, the pain in her face making him sick to his stomach. Slowly, reluctantly, he walked down the stairs and back into the city.

"Hey!" Teb was waiting for him in the street. He ran towards Erend, an angry look on his face. "What were you thinking?" Teb yelled. Erend looked down at the ground, tears filling his eyes.

"I wasn't, Teb. I wasn't thinking."

"She came back for you, you know. She could spend her whole life exploring all of the Earth. She doesn't need anyone, Erend. But for some reason, she chose you. She came back to a bustling city, a place she isn't comfortable in, for you."

"I know," he whispered. He was letting the tears fall from his eyes now, the regret he was feeling too great to hide.

"Fix it, Erend. For both of you." Teb turned and walked away, headed back towards Aloy's apartment. Erend walked back towards his home, knowing that he would be greeted by Miri.

It was going to be a long night.

She woke to the sound of a hammer pounding downstairs. She sat up in bed, listening for just a second, trying to identify any other sounds that would indicate an attack. Not hearing anything besides the constant pounding of the hammer, she slipped out of bed and began sneaking down the stairs, an arrow held in her hand, poised to attack. She jumped over the bannister, landing lightly on the balls of her feet, crouching against the wall and moving silently towards the front door. She stood as she saw who was at the door, broad shoulders and striped shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, hammering new hinges into the door frame.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Erend looked up at her, an exhausted half smile on his face. It was clear he hadn't slept.

"Well, you can't just keep coming back to a place that doesn't have a proper door. You need to know that it's secure. That anything you leave here will be here when you get back. Has to be a burden, carrying everything you own with you all the time. You should have a safe place. The metalsmith and locksmith are working on making you new locks for the door, and a new key. You'll just have to keep it on you, and you'll be able to come back anytime." Her chest tightened, and she felt like she might cry, if she had any tears left to give.

"Just one key?" she asked. Erend nodded, continuing to hammer. "Could… could more than one be made? In case I wanted to… leave one with someone? Or if I wanted someone to be able to come check on things? Or, come visit when I am here?"

"I'm sure that could be arranged. I'll go talk to them after I put the door back on. I'm almost finished." He hammered the final nail, picking up the door and sliding it into place. He pushed the pins in and swung the door open and shut a few times, making sure that it didn't catch or get stuck. Satisfied, he walked inside and pulled the door shut behind him. He looked at Aloy, suddenly unsure of what to say, painfully aware that she wore only the clothes she slept in, feet bare, sleep still written across her face. "Would you like for me to make some tea?" he asked. She nodded, and Erend moved into the kitchen. She followed him.

"I don't even know if there is tea in here," she said. Erend laughed.

"Olin required more tea to function than any other man I have ever met. I'm sure there's plenty." he pulled open a cupboard and laughed, pulling a jar out. He set a kettle to boil and dropped a small metal ball full of tea leaves in. "Aloy, about last night-"

"I want you to have the second key," she blurted out. Erend dropped the tin of tea he was holding, leaves spilling out across the floor. He looked at her, shock playing across his features.

"What?" She looked down at the floor, one of her hands moving to her hair, gently twisting one of the blue beads adorning a braid.

"I want you to have a spare key, Erend. For when I'm gone. Or when I'm here. I want you to be able to come here. Whenever." He smiled at her, walking closer. "I'm still upset, Erend. I'm not over what happened. And I don't know what is going to happen moving forward. But I came back for you, and I hope that means something to you. Because it means something to me. I don't… I don't like people. I don't like cities full of them. But I like you." He stepped even closer to her, bringing one hand gently to her face, pushing her chin up to meet his gaze.

"Aloy, I will never stop being sorry about what happened. Never. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt Miri. It was wrong, the way I used her to try and get you out of my thoughts. I know that. And I understand not trusting me right now, or being angry or upset. But I need you to know that isn't me. I know I'm better than that. And I want to be here for you. Whenever. If you're here or not here, going or coming back. I just want to be the person you can trust. I love you, Aloy. I've known it since the moment I first saw you. Since I first heard your laugh. It's been you through it all. I love you." he looked into her eyes, hands sliding up to the sides of her face. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips gently to hers.

She kissed him back, and he didn't care what the future would bring.

He would live in this moment forever.


End file.
